NO!Everything you've said is true.
I think the acceptance mode is where I am headed. Its scary and honestly, pisses me off. Maybe I have to go though those emotions? idk. I am done fighting and pushing. I know that.
I watched him sleeping last night, and thought..."its over, our sex life is over" and it may be.
I thought about the asexual. It would explain a lot.
And you're right, he is happy with our sex life. He understands it hurts me to not have that with him, but he feels he can't do anything differently.
And yes, its very painful to accept this is how life will be with him. I desire to me wanted, needed and loved in a way that.. I just want things to be different, and I am sadly realizing that's most likely not going to happen.
If your husband is actually asexual, that does not mean your sex life is over. Your husband is "happy" with the sex life in your marriage which means he is capable of enjoying it.
If you learn to love and accept him the way it is, you have to learn how to change your perspective and approach to sex in the marriage. You may need to insist on a schedule. You may need to insist that he is aware that sex is important for you and be respectful to that. You may need to realize that sex will be initiated just for you. Hopefully if you embrace that, you will begin to discover new ways your husband is able to respond to you sexually if you just allow him to be himself and discovers the joy of pleasing you and letting go of any of his anxieties.
If you can do that, it WILL be worth the effort!