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Hi Ladies

I’m an author so I am extremely vivid in my imagination that it invokes deep emotions. I’ve always had an idea of my perfect guy and I’m not crazy, but he lives in my imagination and he’s sort of a coping mechanism for when things are not good. He’s perfect in every way, he goes out of his way for me, we don’t fight everything is perfect. Now it’s strange because lately I’ve put a (random) face and name to this man and I’m feeling in love, it’s weird. And I yearn for him. I’m not silly I know that even if I break 10 marriages I won’t find him because reality is there’s no such thing as a perfect partner. I just wondered if anyone else felt this way and thinks about things like this. Thanks !
 

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We are the authors of our own dreams and desires. we all start with an empty canvas and we start to place on it from our earliest memories those qualities and features that we saw in our moms or dad depending on your sexual preference, and then add to it or in some cases subtract from so that the canvas as we move along with our lives and we interact with others morphs into our ideal mate. but at some point we step back and we look at our canvas and we look at the person in front of us and we systemically go through our mental abstract to see how much of it they meet and not meet to our image on the canvas. You are right no one will ever match that image you have, but here again as they look upon you, you may not match theirs as well...but something happens the longer we wait what we cared about when we were in our late teens and early twenties dissipates has we find more and more difficulties in matching our image to reality...and hypothetically if you are lucky enough to find that person and marry them, there is no guarantee that they will stay like that as well...they will change some good and some bad...so eventually that canvas will always look the same way but standing n front of you will what the real Dorian Gray would have looked like if he had not wish to stay like the canvas of his self.
 

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Growing up I couldn’t find any guys I liked. So I would pick a guy out that I don’t know but am attracted to, and imagine him to be who I want him to be and I would have a huge obsessive crush on him. I was a bored teenage girl with too much time in my hands and lots of hormones. But once I actually met the guy and got to know him Ik the fantasy went away because I didn’t like who he actually was.

The problem is.... sometimes people still do this. They make the person they are dating who they want them to be, not who they are. And they spend a lot of time trying to change and manipulate them into being who they want. Its actually really common for women to do this. It’s a recipe for disaster. And we just think.... well if only he did this, and that then I would be happy because he would be such a great guy.

It’s dangerous, but unfortunately it’s not uncommon.

I think it’s really great that your so introspective you understand what your doing.
 

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Does your perfect man ever disagree with you when you're being a brat, throw you over a shoulder and take you to the bedroom to give you a spanking and then ravish you into an orgasmic puddle?
LOL I was thinking along these lines even before I got to your post! I admit that i do fantasize about guys but there is a not a single view of "perfect" at all times. Yes, sometimes "perfect" to me means a guy that will "put me in my place". :)
 

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I think its kind of a normal thing to fantasize. I see nothing wrong with us grown ups having an imaginary friend, provided it isn't having a negative impact in your real day to day life.
 
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