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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A year ago, my husband and I were in the middle of separating and living 1500 miles apart. I went to visit him to discuss things in person, and a couple of weeks later, found out I was pregnant. I was in grad school, but the baby would have been due a week after graduation. I didn't want to get back together with my husband just for this reason, and I was scared about being able to find a job and support myself and the child. I tried to talk to him about ways we could make it work, but he was adamant we terminate and flew to my city to take me to the doctor. The morning of the appointment, my phone was broken and I used his to get direction's to the office- he was in the shower so I snooped in his texts and realized his girlfriend was also pregnant. She had told him she was pregnant two days before I did, and he was planning to fly back home after our appointment and take her to the doctor two days later. She also had an abortion.

It's been exactly a year, and I've been in therapy, and we had our official divorce, but I think about this every day. If I could have afforded a child alone, I would have had the baby without hesitation (as it turns out, I still haven't found a job, four months after graduation, so perhaps it is for the best). His girlfriend doesn't know that I was also pregnant. Ex-husband and I barely speak, and he's been no support during this at all. He refuses to take responsibility and claims that "the universe meant for this to happen." I'm thinking of contacting the girlfriend (they're no longer dating), just to see if she wants to talk. Truly, I'm not angry with her at all- I'm just looking for someone who understands, and I also don't think it's fair to her that she doesn't have the full story.

Would love any advice, or words of wisdom or support.
 

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First of all, I am sorry for the pain you experienced with nyour marriage,k divorce, betrayal and the abortion.

You cannot live in the past though--while I am sure you wish now that you would have had the child, the past is just that. It's gone. So you can only work with what you have now. Right now you should focus on getting better, feeling better, focusing on the positives in your life, in finding a new job, hobbies, support system and exercise (and sunlight).

If you truly wish to speak to the other woman, then you could reach out to her. Just know that she may not respond to you at all or she may be rude to you (you never know). Or she could be great. But, just remember, whatever happens NOW, has no bearing on the past. She may be able to shed light on things (and you for her) but maybe not at all.

Good luck.



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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement, Jellybeans- it really means a lot to me. I am definitely trying to take care of myself, but it's hard not to get discouraged. I think you bring up good points about not knowing what to expect if I contact her- I need to think about if I would feel worse if she doesn't respond at all or responds negatively.
 
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