Talk About Marriage banner

21 - 26 of 26 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
506 Posts
I can't remember who said it but someone said that the biggest determiner of your financial success or failure in life is who you marry. The point was not about marrying for money but rather about avoiding marrying someone who is bad with money and most importantly, avoiding "mistake" marriages that end in divorces which are very costly to financial well-being. These things are linked, of course, because many divorces are caused by money issues.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,569 Posts
@Ella-Bee is spot on, my friend. I have seen it first-hand. Thank God, I didn't marry her, I would have been financially ruined. You will be, too..... and there will be no end to the complaining, whining, nagging, comparing you to other guys who earn more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
"I can't remember who said it but someone said that the biggest determiner of your financial success or failure in life is who you marry."

This is so true! Spending day in day out working yourself into the floor only to have someone else spend it all is absolutely demoralising over time. In fact, I would argue the damage is worse than cheating. At least with cheating, you can kick them out and move on to someone else with the rest of your life relatively in tact. If you marry a gold-digger, even if you kick them out, you then have to spend months or years catching up financially. Assuming you even can.

Financial misalignment / infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce. Even if you stay together, you can expect a very rough marriage. Either one of you ends up managing all the money and feels like a parent instead of an equal, or you spend a lifetime arguing and sneaking behind each other's backs. It just isn't worth it. My parents are the end result of a long marriage like this and both are nearing 70 as very bitter, angry individuals. Especially my dad, who feels as if he's wasted most of his life at work only to reach retirement with comparatively little to show for it.

There are only four reasons I can think of that an adult woman should not be working full time:

1. She has young children to look after and childcare would cost more
2. She is disabled to the point that she is unable to get a job
3. She is already so wealthy that she no longer needs to work.
4. She spends all day at home trading and earns far more than she ever could from a salary!

If none of those apply and she isn't paying her fair share, then she's a parasitic gold-digger and you should get away as soon as you can.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
506 Posts
"I can't remember who said it but someone said that the biggest determiner of your financial success or failure in life is who you marry."

This is so true! Spending day in day out working yourself into the floor only to have someone else spend it all is absolutely demoralising over time. In fact, I would argue the damage is worse than cheating. At least with cheating, you can kick them out and move on to someone else with the rest of your life in tact. If you marry a gold-digger, even if you kick them out, you then have to spend months or years trying to catch up financially. Assuming you can.

Financial misalignment/infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce. Even if you manage to stay together, you can expect a very rough marriage. Either one of you ends up managing all the money and feels like a parent instead of an equal, or you spend a lifetime arguing and sneaking behind each other's backs. It just isn't worth it. My parents are the end result of a long marriage like this and both are nearing 70 as very bitter, angry individuals. Especially my dad, who feels as if he's wasted most of his life at work only to reach retirement with very little to show for it.
When you marry the right person, they also act as your partner and you help to make each other more successful in life, in your career, in your faith, and in your marriage.

When you make a bad decision in choosing a marriage partner, you will not be inspired to create a great career, your life's plans and dreams may be distracted by problems of addictions, legal problems, infidelity, arguing, destructive behaviors, undermining each other, wasteful spending, financial irresponsibility, and ultimately financially destructive divorce - further distracting fighting and family/children issues.

Like all decisions in life, sometimes it's very hard to see it ahead of time. Hindsight and all of that. Sometimes it's bad luck that you can't see in advance like with health problems that can create big challenges in marriage.

We work with a lot of people through the work of our church. Emotional factors like love, passion, sex, attraction, etc are important in a marriage but you need to also look carefully at the practical side of it. Who will make the best lifetime PARTNER to pursue your dreams? Do you have the same goals? Do they have the same focus on those goals that you have? Do you have a shared strategy for achieving your shared goals?

Being "madly in love" is not enough to make a lifetime marriage in my opinion.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
286 Posts
When I was 14 I had a crush on the gal down the street. My father worked with her dad at a local welding shop. When he found out about me chasing her he told me when I’m over at her house pay attention to how Rach’s mother treats her dad; that is how Rach well treat you. What a bullet I dodge. At my 5 year school reunion, Rach came running over to me wanting to introduce Jon her 5th husband. Now FB friends with her and she is on #9.
So many red flags to look out for. My advice is: While I don’t know what I want, I sure as hell know what I don’t want when I’m in the middle of it. Feels off then walkway early.
 
21 - 26 of 26 Posts
Top