I'd Agree with all that !! :smthumbup:For all the Nice Guys who think that woman want jerks or bastards, you are wrong! They want an Integrated Male. I ought to know, I am a recovering Nice Guy working on being more Integrated.
The Integrated Male from the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover.
Nice Guys tend to be very black and white in their thinking. The only alternative they can see to being nice is becoming "bastards" or "jerks." The opposite of crazy is still crazy, so becoming a "jerk" isn't the answer.
The process of breaking free from ineffective Nice Guy patterns doesn't involve becoming "not nice." Rather, it means becoming "integrated."
'Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self.' An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.
An integrated male posses many of the following attributes:
• He has strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
• He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
• He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
• He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
• He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
• He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
• He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
• He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
An integrated male doesn't strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others. Instead, he accepts himself just as he is, warts and all. An integrated male accepts that he is perfectly imperfect.
Making the transformation from a Nice Guy to an integrated male doesn't come about by just trying harder to be a good man. Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome demands embracing a totally different way of viewing oneself and the world and a complete change.
I think this is one of the most important things I've learned here! If you're stuck, BE the change agent and MAKE a move to change things - give first and break out of "stuck" mode.I've learned that a lot of people do not communicate!
And that they don't give to get, they assume they should get before they give. Someone has to give first.
I feel pretty good about my romantic future.
THIS. I had no idea there were so many people in sexless marriages...like, for years and years....and yet they say "we have a great marriage otherwise." To me, no, you have BIG problems in your marriage if you aren't having sex for months or years on end.Oh, and that sex is even more important to men than I realized (I kinda knew but not how much) AND there are a lot of men who do not have sex and will wait around for a REALLY long time without it. I can't imagine 5 months... if a month went by and I didn't have sex with my significant other I would start to really worry about our relationship.
If you ask for one thing...you might get 3.
:iagree: 3 things, but thats ok.I've learnt that our problems aren't as bad or as big as I thought they were.