You can only change you. You can't change her, him, them.
The ONE thing I've learned from TAM!
That a man should lead....with all the right qualities that an Integrated Male should have.
And that if a woman doesn't agree, leave, divorce or find another RGW!
And that if a woman doesn't agree, leave, divorce or find another RGW!
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My life ain't so bad. Communicate. Men need to lead.
That there are so many more people out there whose relationship problems are so much more complicated than your own, that they make yours truly pale in comparison!
2
I found this post on this link explaining what an Integrated Male is....
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The Great Mate Debate: Romancing the Stone
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I'd Agree with all that !! :smthumbup:For all the Nice Guys who think that woman want jerks or bastards, you are wrong! They want an Integrated Male. I ought to know, I am a recovering Nice Guy working on being more Integrated.
The Integrated Male from the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover.
Nice Guys tend to be very black and white in their thinking. The only alternative they can see to being nice is becoming "bastards" or "jerks." The opposite of crazy is still crazy, so becoming a "jerk" isn't the answer.
The process of breaking free from ineffective Nice Guy patterns doesn't involve becoming "not nice." Rather, it means becoming "integrated."
'Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self.' An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.
An integrated male posses many of the following attributes:
• He has strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
• He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
• He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
• He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
• He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
• He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
• He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
• He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
An integrated male doesn't strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others. Instead, he accepts himself just as he is, warts and all. An integrated male accepts that he is perfectly imperfect.
Making the transformation from a Nice Guy to an integrated male doesn't come about by just trying harder to be a good man. Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome demands embracing a totally different way of viewing oneself and the world and a complete change.
Great Stuff SimplyAmorous...
An integrated male's attributes:
• He has strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
• He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
• He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
• He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
• He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
• He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
• He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
• He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
:iagree:
An integrated male's attributes:
• He has strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
• He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
• He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
• He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
• He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
• He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
• He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
• He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
:iagree:
I've learned that a lot of people do not communicate!
And that they don't give to get, they assume they should get before they give. Someone has to give first.
I feel pretty good about my romantic future.
Oh, and that sex is even more important to men than I realized (I kinda knew but not how much) AND there are a lot of men who do not have sex and will wait around for a REALLY long time without it. I can't imagine 5 months... if a month went by and I didn't have sex with my significant other I would start to really worry about our relationship.
And that they don't give to get, they assume they should get before they give. Someone has to give first.
I feel pretty good about my romantic future.
Oh, and that sex is even more important to men than I realized (I kinda knew but not how much) AND there are a lot of men who do not have sex and will wait around for a REALLY long time without it. I can't imagine 5 months... if a month went by and I didn't have sex with my significant other I would start to really worry about our relationship.
I think this is one of the most important things I've learned here! If you're stuck, BE the change agent and MAKE a move to change things - give first and break out of "stuck" mode.I've learned that a lot of people do not communicate!
And that they don't give to get, they assume they should get before they give. Someone has to give first.
I feel pretty good about my romantic future.
THIS. I had no idea there were so many people in sexless marriages...like, for years and years....and yet they say "we have a great marriage otherwise." To me, no, you have BIG problems in your marriage if you aren't having sex for months or years on end.Oh, and that sex is even more important to men than I realized (I kinda knew but not how much) AND there are a lot of men who do not have sex and will wait around for a REALLY long time without it. I can't imagine 5 months... if a month went by and I didn't have sex with my significant other I would start to really worry about our relationship.
Many people labor under the assumption that if they could just fix their partner and get them to act "right" they would be happy. In other words, lots of folks seem to think it's up to other people to supply them with hapiness.
Unfortunately, they are deluded. Hapiness is an inside job.
Unfortunately, they are deluded. Hapiness is an inside job.
That for every abusive angry controlling husband there is a man letting his wife walk all over him.
Posted via Mobile Device
Posted via Mobile Device
I've learnt that our problems aren't as bad or as big as I thought they were.
If you ask for one thing...you might get 3.My life ain't so bad. Communicate. Men need to lead.
If you ask for one thing...you might get 3.
:iagree: 3 things, but thats ok.I've learnt that our problems aren't as bad or as big as I thought they were.
I don't know real pain.
I want to say I'm lucky (I do feel that way), but I'm not, we made it that way.
Stuff can change.
What I’ve learned from my marriage and these forums is that you should never settle for less than a total package, even though that package will have various imperfections, it has to be complete. That means a total package for YOU, not what society deems a total package, which is unrealistic.
That package needs to have all the parts included because you won’t be able to order missing parts later and the package is not upgradeable! The package needs to include a personality that makes you smile whether you prefer a loud, aggressive motor roaring with vitality or a quiet, peaceful motor that hums along pleasantly or an exciting motor that fluctuates between the two, keeping you guessing.
Every package comes with a lot of fine print detailing instructions for how the package must be cared for and what it requires from you. You must read this fine print extremely carefully and make sure you are not missing any problematic details or incompatibilities. You must also provide your own fine print and make sure you get a signature.
No packages are sold brand new; there will always be some amount of wear and tear. It is your responsibility to examine the product’s history and ensure that there are no defects you aren’t willing to deal with. If the package has been on the market for a long time with no interested buyers, find out why that might be and if the package had a previous owner, do your best to piece together why that product is now back on the market.
The model of package needs to be very pleasing to your eyes and should drive you wild with passion because it has to remain exciting to you even when newer models hit the shelves. You must not settle on a package with only certain features you like, you must find a package in which you find every feature appealing, even if those features are not quite as strong as an individual feature might be on a different, unbalanced model.
If you purchase the right package for you, it will be a great source of joy in your life, however, you shouldn’t expect the package to be responsible for all the joy in your life. The package should increase your happiness, not bring you happiness. If you are not in this mindset, you are not yet ready to make an informed purchase.
Overall, this is a one-time purchase and you must be prepared to stop shopping after you make it. The package is free to take home but its maintenance will be the most expensive investment you ever make. Smart consumers will find the package to be well worth the investment. There are no refunds on the package and if you return the package you will be assessed a large processing fee and emotional damage. Please note that if the package decides to return itself, you will still be responsible for these fees. This will be the most important decision of your life so shop carefully and be a smart consumer!
That package needs to have all the parts included because you won’t be able to order missing parts later and the package is not upgradeable! The package needs to include a personality that makes you smile whether you prefer a loud, aggressive motor roaring with vitality or a quiet, peaceful motor that hums along pleasantly or an exciting motor that fluctuates between the two, keeping you guessing.
Every package comes with a lot of fine print detailing instructions for how the package must be cared for and what it requires from you. You must read this fine print extremely carefully and make sure you are not missing any problematic details or incompatibilities. You must also provide your own fine print and make sure you get a signature.
No packages are sold brand new; there will always be some amount of wear and tear. It is your responsibility to examine the product’s history and ensure that there are no defects you aren’t willing to deal with. If the package has been on the market for a long time with no interested buyers, find out why that might be and if the package had a previous owner, do your best to piece together why that product is now back on the market.
The model of package needs to be very pleasing to your eyes and should drive you wild with passion because it has to remain exciting to you even when newer models hit the shelves. You must not settle on a package with only certain features you like, you must find a package in which you find every feature appealing, even if those features are not quite as strong as an individual feature might be on a different, unbalanced model.
If you purchase the right package for you, it will be a great source of joy in your life, however, you shouldn’t expect the package to be responsible for all the joy in your life. The package should increase your happiness, not bring you happiness. If you are not in this mindset, you are not yet ready to make an informed purchase.
Overall, this is a one-time purchase and you must be prepared to stop shopping after you make it. The package is free to take home but its maintenance will be the most expensive investment you ever make. Smart consumers will find the package to be well worth the investment. There are no refunds on the package and if you return the package you will be assessed a large processing fee and emotional damage. Please note that if the package decides to return itself, you will still be responsible for these fees. This will be the most important decision of your life so shop carefully and be a smart consumer!
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