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I’d bet she has a slush fund beyond that. $80 a month is petty cash.
My uncle found a wad of cash my aunt was rat holing. It was several months worth of his salary in cash. She did not work and he worked for McDonald-Douglas, on the team that designed/built the F15 Eagle. I have no idea why those men would put up with, little lone marry the likes of those 5 sisters, included in that is my own mom. Their momma screwed them all up.
 

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Where did I say anything about health benefits? I said "benefits" wink wink. Truthfully no one has any idea if the OM actually works at the school. That is STBXW's story. OP also doesn't know how often STNXW actually works at the school doing psychology either.

OP also has highly paid technical position. STBXW is school psychologist. So between them they pulling good money. Home in Italy not out of realm of reason for wealthy people.
OP mentioned that realtor worked at the school to get health benefits, I believe. I can double check.
 

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Yeah, it is in his original post. In addition to this far fetched allegation, we are asked to believe that wife expected her husband to believe the guy coincidentally showed up in Italy( this woman, supposedly with an advanced degree would be dumb enough to expect her husband to believe this? Yeah, ok.); that they own a second home in Italy: that a school principal, concerned over staff rampant promiscuity, sent out some memo addressing this; Just unbelievable.
 

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Hi. I feel so bad having to bring this up and waste people’s time but… this is a great site and the people to go along with it so If you would be so kind, could you please tell me if I’m just freaking our over nothing or not?

Wife and I have been married for 20 years and have a kid together. We’re in out late 40’s and the kid is in his early teens. We have a somewhat healthy sex life (about 10 times per month). We’re both social but she’s way more social than me. She works in a school as a school psychologist and I’m an analyst at a financial services firm (we both make very good money).

I’ll cut to the chase: My wife has never been the flirty type, BUT she does work in a school (and school system) where adultery is so prevalent the head of the school system had to write an email to the entire employee pool letting them know that they have to adhere to ethical and social standards like everyone else. This was also corroborated by some employees at a gathering I went to where a lady admitted to me that the staff was “very promiscuous” and that pretty much “everybody had slept with everybody.” I personally think she had had too much wine at that point and was exaggerating a lot. Nonetheless, I did attend a wedding about 7 years ago where two of the teachers were getting married (my wife was hesitant I come due to the fact that the school types are “a funny crowd”). We sat at a round table, 12 of us, and saw my wife acting like a 16 year old, whispering to someone’s ear and pointing to two (married) guys on the dance floor and asking them to dance. I normally would not have an issue with it but my wife, as well as everyone at the table, ignored me to the point I just turned around and just watched the live band play. THIS freaked me out. I saw a totally different person from I guess the character she puts forth at home. It pissed me off so much that STILL, to this day, that feeling of disappointment is still with me.

All good since then up until about 5 months ago. My wife started mentioning this guy’s name (Richard,) once, twice, thrice and by the fourth time I jokingly said “you’ve mentioned the guy four times already, ALL times from a perspective of admiration, I get it, you like the guy.” She made the usual condescending BS comment and let it go. But I didn’t. I sensed she was talking about the guy a little too much so I kept my ears open. Then, another time, I heard her talking on the phone about Richard with a female coworker of her. THAT is when I realized it wasn’t random. I checked our computer’s browsing history and found out that my wife had been checking this guy on the internet FOR WEEKS. She checked where he lived, how much money he was making, whether he was married, whether he had kids, whether divorce papers had been filed, etc. I mean, she had compiled a whole dossier on this man. Turns out Richard is only working for the school system just so that he can get heath insurance, but he is really a licensed realtor making a ton of money and living in a 3MM house (he’s 55 BTW). That’s when my alarm bells went off: hypergamy. My wife’s dad passed away when she was 15, and I’ve always noticed that she does have “a thing” for men 10 years older than her, father figures. Throughout this process I kept mute about the guy and what I know she had checked online.

All was good until this summer. We have a house in Italy and, due to the fact that she has the entire summers off, my wife and kid spend the summers in Italy. I usually join them 2-3 weeks in and we usually come back together. While I was in the US, I was constantly checking up on them making sure all was good. All was good. Then, I get there and, on the way from the airport to the house, after 35 minutes of a 45-minute drive, she drops a bomb: “oh, by the way, do you know who visited me at the house? He was just on the way to get a boat engine fixed at this place in our town and sent me a text to have coffee, but the place was closed so we talked in front of the house: Richard.” I went crazy. I asked her “how dare you! After I told you to stop talking about the guy.” A million scenarios went through my head, all of them bad. She kept on reassuring me that it was all work-related (in July mind you) and that it was about Richard getting a position in my wife’s department. I was like “am I being f*cking punked???? Please tell me you’re punking me!!!”

After all the dust settled, I had to sit her down and explain to her how Richard is reading EACH and EVERYONE of her moves and making decisions accordingly. I had to explain to her that her dropping everything she was doing to have a coffee with him (and she had a lot to do that day) and opening the door of our (husband-less) house to him is going to be taken by Richard as a sign that you are receptive to his advances. Whether you intend it or not. She, of course, started saying non sensical stuff like “I didn’t think you’d want to know, it was all profesional (in July).” Talking to her was a waste of freaking time. I only asked her to tell me what drove her to accept a coffee date from a guy I specifically told her to ignore and why it had taken her from Tuesday to Saturday of that week for her to inform me that Richard was in MY house alone with my wife while my kid slept and she couldn’t answer me. Every time I ask her these two questions she starts crying and, lo and behold, her feelings are FACTS.

I am now in Italy, wanting to fly back to the US like right now and file for divorce. I know neither what went on that morning and what drove her to succumb to his advances without a single ounce of control.

Since they’re going to be working together, I’ve asked her to 1) no coffee/lunch/dinner dates and that 2) she keep any and all engagements professional.

Should I demand more? Am I freaking out over nothing?
Get legal advice, get ducks in a row, start getting ready for a divorce. You will be entitled to her pension. Your going to be fudged, financial too.
Put your foot down with her, establish boundaries, confront the guy when on your property.
 

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Just leave her. You do NOT control her. She’s your wife, not your child or your slave. You don’t get to tell her where, when and how she works. No spouse has that right.
If you’re so convinced just divorce her if you don’t like what she’s doing.
If I were her and you did all the ** everyone here is egging you on with, and you found out i actually wasn’t cheating and then tried to have a normal marriage with me, i’d pack my **, take your house in Italy and leave you immediately.
What a joke.
 

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Don’t even get me started on the poor judgement you showed involving your 12 year old child in this.
Want to hear the f**** up part? My 12 year old heard us arguing and demanded we tell him WTH was going on. She did and he immediately said “dad is right.”

If you could actually read, his wife is the one that involved there son.
 

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Ah, the ever so predictable human condition. So angry, outraged, bitter. How dare you, what about meism. The sound of collective narcissism is sending negativity into the universe.
Protip: 12 yr. olds don't get to weigh in on your relationship with your wife.
Parents don't do that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #332 ·
I am curious what the tipping point was that steeled OPs resolve. What solidified the plans? Did his son hear what they were doing or sayung while thot he was sleeping?
The fifth time I asked her to come clean was paid with emotion, blame shifting and stonewalling.

I just knew she was pushing me away.

No mas.
 

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Discussion Starter · #334 ·
I’d bet she has a slush fund beyond that. $80 a month is petty cash.
It’s either a phone bill or a credit card bill she’s paying on the side. I mean, in hindsight, the clues were everywhere… carrying tampons during non cycle days, going into work early, her inviting me to check her phone as much as I wanted, the nappy-headedness, the complaining about the lack of my social life (during Covid mind you,) her wanting to hang out more and more with her friends alone, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #335 ·
Yes that is indeed what STBXW told OP. A wealthy real estate magnate living in $3MM house needs to work at a school for health insurance?
My understanding is that he’s got 3 kids and the wife only works in the real estate business. Wouldn’t be surprised he’s just renting the place but the hous IS valued at 3MM.
 

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Discussion Starter · #336 ·
Yeah, it is in his original post. In addition to this far fetched allegation, we are asked to believe that wife expected her husband to believe the guy coincidentally showed up in Italy( this woman, supposedly with an advanced degree would be dumb enough to expect her husband to believe this? Yeah, ok.); that they own a second home in Italy: that a school principal, concerned over staff rampant promiscuity, sent out some memo addressing this; Just unbelievable.
Not the school principal, the district superintendent. She issued a famous statement in which she asked (in a nice way) all teachers and administrative staff to stop ****ing eachother AND/OR the students.

The American school system is putrid with unbelievably shady characters.
 

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My understanding is that he’s got 3 kids and the wife only works in the real estate business. Wouldn’t be surprised he’s just renting the place but the hous IS valued at 3MM.
Wait!?! The OM is Married? And it is his WIFE who is the real estate magnate? And you STBXW knew from her research that he was married? Wow.
 

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My understanding is that he’s got 3 kids and the wife only works in the real estate business. Wouldn’t be surprised he’s just renting the place but the hous IS valued at 3MM.
Maybe OM is a "kept" man, his wife keeps him for breeding and her pleasure. In this day and age in a lot of prime locations on either coast, $3MM doesn't buy much of a house. What was once a standard cookie cutter tract home on a tiny lot will sell for several million.
 
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