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I'm having the best sex of my life atm too!
You never know what's around the corner after divorce but from my experience life is so much better in so many ways.
 

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Discussion Starter · #942 ·
I have some happy news. I bought a house. Closing is scheduled for November 1st. I will be out of my brother’s basement after 16 long ass months. Best of all, the twins will have their own rooms. They won’t have to share a pullout couch anymore! They’ve been troopers through all of this. There is sunshine on the other side of divorce.
Now carry on all you miserable, sexless TAMers :ROFLMAO:
YAY!!!!! Congratulations!!!
 

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I'm having the best sex of my life atm too!
You never know what's around the corner after divorce but from my experience life is so much better in so many ways.
From what I see around me - all divorcees are way more happy now.

I was told so many times recently that I am proof that for some people divorce is the best option. They haven't seen me so happy in years...
 

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My sex life increased many times over after my divorce.

My ex was my only experience with men over 50 and he had raging ED he wouldn't deal with. I figured that's just how men over 50 were (the ED part).

Imagine my surprise when I started seeing my over 50 bf and he not only had no trouble...he wanted it regularly!

Almost 3 years in sex is still regular and great 😀
I also noticed with my post-divorce partners positive correlation between sexual performance and regular working out .... :sneaky::p:ROFLMAO::devilish:
 
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You mean we're not all washed up bitter old hags?

😅😅😅
Gonna be honest, I'm feeling a little haggish myself.

Either my sexual marketplace value has really tanked ... or I need to be in a more date-friendly environment.
Call me old and cranky, but I'm not much interested in driving over an hour to meet people in the hopes of forging a relationship, or getting laid. If anything, I've been weighing moving even further out into the boonies.
 

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Discussion Starter · #950 ·
So...for all the dating people who are seriously looking for potential partners (not just casually dating)...HOW do you decide who you are interested in? Is it just opportunity, like who is also interested in you?

Do you pick someone just based on sexual attraction? Or do you look for things you have in common and can enjoy together??

How do you decide what is important to have in your relationship and what is worth doing without in a partner?
 

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So...for all the dating people who are seriously looking for potential partners (not just casually dating)...HOW do you decide who you are interested in? Is it just opportunity, like who is also interested in you?

Do you pick someone just based on sexual attraction? Or do you look for things you have in common and can enjoy together??

How do you decide what is important to have in your relationship and what is worth doing without in a partner?
Sexual chemistry is very important. I was asking questions to rule out red flags. Most failed immediately. A couple of them were nice and we had some fun ;) but they didn’t have staying power. Usually because of work, kids, lack of availability or my upfront statements about not being interested in cohabitation and marriage. I was surprised at the number of divorced women who wished to her married again. Upon further pressing, it’s because they got out of the burning plane in a golden parachute (house, kids, child support, alimony).A few did confide in me that the market is”dry” for middle aged men because they don’t want to commit.

Anyway, that was just my experience. It was fun for me. I liked dating and meeting new people. I also found that recently divorced middle aged women were definitely DTF. That was a huge and pleasant surprise to me getting back out there. A few asked about birth control and seemed very relieved I had a vasectomy. Not one asked to use a condom.
I eventually met one, that so far, has some staying power for me.

My advice is to pick 5 absolute, must have, non negotiable dealbreakers. Find out as early as you can if they have those 5 qualities and go from there. Dismiss anyone immediately who fails to go 5 out of 5. Good luck!
 

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Sexual chemistry is very important. I was asking questions to rule out red flags. Most failed immediately. A couple of them were nice and we had some fun ;) but they didn’t have staying power. Usually because of work, kids, lack of availability or my upfront statements about not being interested in cohabitation and marriage. I was surprised at the number of divorced women who wished to her married again. Upon further pressing, it’s because they got out of the burning plane in a golden parachute (house, kids, child support, alimony).A few did confide in me that the market is”dry” for middle aged men because they don’t want to commit.

Anyway, that was just my experience. It was fun for me. I liked dating and meeting new people. I also found that recently divorced middle aged women were definitely DTF. That was a huge and pleasant surprise to me getting back out there. A few asked about birth control and seemed very relieved I had a vasectomy. Not one asked to use a condom.
I eventually met one, that so far, has some staying power for me.

My advice is to pick 5 absolute, must have, non negotiable dealbreakers. Find out as early as you can if they have those 5 qualities and go from there. Dismiss anyone immediately who fails to go 5 out of 5. Good luck!
This is quite interesting to me as one who has never done OLD. I wonder if the sample is biased because OLD is more likely to attract women actively looking for "commitments"? I put it in quotes because it can mean different things. To me it mainly means that if you're sleeping with me you ain't sleeping with anyone else as I don't wish to catch anything. Beyond that things can develop.

Most of my gf's are long term married but myself and the couple of divorced ones I know have no pressing interest in remarriage. None of us are using OLD. I do know a couple of others...friends of friends....that use it and both complain it's a **** show.

As for the middle aged men market being dry, I haven't found this to be the case at all but maybe that's because I frequent athletic circles where single people are looking. I met my bf the first day I showed up to a bike club, and he wasn't the only one who showed interest. He got to me first and we hit it off

I also had a few runners approach me after they heard I was divorced, and these were guys I had no idea had been eyeballing me.

It's interesting that people can have such different experiences. Perhaps athletic circles are different...a guy friend of mine told me the triathlon clubs are even better for women. He says no single woman worth anything in the tri clubs stays single long if she doesn't want to be single. I've done some tri's but I don't frequent the clubs.

As for chemistry I agree it's important, but I also think it's important to remember that not all chemistry is instant. Sometimes it develops if you spend some time together, but if it's going to happen it shouldn't take that long. I knew after a few conversations that bf and I had something and so did he.
 

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So...for all the dating people who are seriously looking for potential partners (not just casually dating)...HOW do you decide who you are interested in? Is it just opportunity, like who is also interested in you?

Do you pick someone just based on sexual attraction? Or do you look for things you have in common and can enjoy together??

How do you decide what is important to have in your relationship and what is worth doing without in a partner?
Ok, so I'm not dating anymore, but we have a lot in common so maybe you can use my experiences. I am NOT going to post sordid details here, so message me for the juicy stuff 😂

Anyways...my experience was there are a TON of men out there, which was shocking. I thought it would be slim pickings in my age group (40-50) since you hear all these men looking for 20-somethings and women bemoaning how ****ty OLD is.

Don't post your profile until you're prepared to start engaging immediately, and dating pretty soon, or make it and go invisible. I was pretty overwhelmed the first time I posted my profile and started getting messages and ended up chickening out 😂. Oh, since you're a polite sweetie, please please please don't feel obligated to reply to every message you get, especially if you're not interested. I made the mistake of doing that a few times, and OMG the sheer vileness of some of the responses was shocking. Actually, make that a rule, NEVER message a man you're not interested in for ANY reason.

So onto choosing...
I wasn't particularly interested in the generated options, so I systemically used the search and filters to see men who were within my age range and reasonable distance. My filters were: no casual even if they were also looking for a relationship, no drugs/heavy drinkers/smokers, no looking to have kids/had young kids and certain religions I knew I am not compatible with.

Then I opened the profiles of the guys I found attractive and scanned their profiles to see if anything piqued my interest. Empty profiles, profiles with shirtless pics etc got nexted. I liked the ones I thought were interesting and then waited to see who was interested in me. I did not message anyone first, I don't like overly passive men and didn't want to get stuck in always initiating, that gets old fast.

Sure I oogled some of the pretty ones, and eyeballed their abs pics. I get that people are proud of their body, and the hard work it takes to maintain that, but trotting out the goods openly for all and sundry reminded me of the prostitutes in the Red Light district. Anyway, I wanted an intelligent man with a sense of humor who wasn't looking for validation from the masses, so next,

You seem to be the kind of woman who likes to get to know people on a deeper level, so you might share similar attitudes with me. I didn't talk to more than 3 men at a time, and I just "knew" which ones I was interested in wanting to know better. Here's where you need to sniff out the wolves in sheep's clothing, there were a lot of assholes masquerading as nice guys.

What might shock you is I didn't shun men for getting sexual, that's important to me cause I didn't want to get stuck with another dud. But, it depended on how they did it, sexy banter is fun and playful, unsolicited **** pics and begging for sex is not. You'll know if it feels right or not.

I wasn't interested in dating around, much less multi-dating, so I preferred to get to know men a little before going out. I know everyone usually insists here you should meet ASAP, but I feel that's a waste of my time and energy. I don't see the point in meeting ASAP, b/c it gave me enough time to decide if I wanted to know them better and to filter who wanted to smash & dash from who wanted to know me as a person. Plus, I didn't want the temptation of easy sex 😂

I went out with a grand total of 4 men, but that was after talking to dozens and scanning through hundreds of interested men in my area. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable but be prepared to ask someone out if you're really interested.

All this is just meeting, to see if you are interested 😂. I truly don't think you can totally nail someone's relationship potential until you actually date them and watch for their behaviors. Pretty face and pretty words are pretty empty. I started seeing a guy I thought was a "nice guy" and he ghosted me after a month.

When I met my bf, I thought he wasn't really interested in anything more than physical, he came across as super horny 😂 and non-committal even though he stated he wanted a long-term relationship. To be fair, he thought I came across the same, b/c there were some serious sparks in person and I nearly ate him alive after a sexless marriage. It'll be 2yrs in mid-January and we are pretty interested in seeing how far we can take our relationship.

So moral of the story is, you can't go with a set-in-stone mindset. Be open to possibility, be open to changing your own mind about what you want/need and don't pigeonhole people into categories. I think people come out of bad relationships certain of what they don't want, but forget that no one is going to be perfect, so having some list beyond absolute dealbreakers is unrealistic.
 

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So...for all the dating people who are seriously looking for potential partners (not just casually dating)...HOW do you decide who you are interested in? Is it just opportunity, like who is also interested in you?

Do you pick someone just based on sexual attraction? Or do you look for things you have in common and can enjoy together??

How do you decide what is important to have in your relationship and what is worth doing without in a partner?
Well, you were married, so you should know what you DONT want in a man. Think about what didn’t work in your relationship, and then think about what you wished for when you were so unhappy.


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[
Ok, so I'm not dating anymore, but we have a lot in common so maybe you can use my experiences. I am NOT going to post sordid details here, so message me for the juicy stuff 😂

Anyways...my experience was there are a TON of men out there, which was shocking. I thought it would be slim pickings in my age group (40-50) since you hear all these men looking for 20-somethings and women bemoaning how ****ty OLD is.

Don't post your profile until you're prepared to start engaging immediately, and dating pretty soon, or make it and go invisible. I was pretty overwhelmed the first time I posted my profile and started getting messages and ended up chickening out 😂. Oh, since you're a polite sweetie, please please please don't feel obligated to reply to every message you get, especially if you're not interested. I made the mistake of doing that a few times, and OMG the sheer vileness of some of the responses was shocking. Actually, make that a rule, NEVER message a man you're not interested in for ANY reason.

So onto choosing...
I wasn't particularly interested in the generated options, so I systemically used the search and filters to see men who were within my age range and reasonable distance. My filters were: no casual even if they were also looking for a relationship, no drugs/heavy drinkers/smokers, no looking to have kids/had young kids and certain religions I knew I am not compatible with.

Then I opened the profiles of the guys I found attractive and scanned their profiles to see if anything piqued my interest. Empty profiles, profiles with shirtless pics etc got nexted. I liked the ones I thought were interesting and then waited to see who was interested in me. I did not message anyone first, I don't like overly passive men and didn't want to get stuck in always initiating, that gets old fast.

Sure I oogled some of the pretty ones, and eyeballed their abs pics. I get that people are proud of their body, and the hard work it takes to maintain that, but trotting out the goods openly for all and sundry reminded me of the prostitutes in the Red Light district. Anyway, I wanted an intelligent man with a sense of humor who wasn't looking for validation from the masses, so next,

You seem to be the kind of woman who likes to get to know people on a deeper level, so you might share similar attitudes with me. I didn't talk to more than 3 men at a time, and I just "knew" which ones I was interested in wanting to know better. Here's where you need to sniff out the wolves in sheep's clothing, there were a lot of assholes masquerading as nice guys.

What might shock you is I didn't shun men for getting sexual, that's important to me cause I didn't want to get stuck with another dud. But, it depended on how they did it, sexy banter is fun and playful, unsolicited **** pics and begging for sex is not. You'll know if it feels right or not.

I wasn't interested in dating around, much less multi-dating, so I preferred to get to know men a little before going out. I know everyone usually insists here you should meet ASAP, but I feel that's a waste of my time and energy. I don't see the point in meeting ASAP, b/c it gave me enough time to decide if I wanted to know them better and to filter who wanted to smash & dash from who wanted to know me as a person. Plus, I didn't want the temptation of easy sex 😂

I went out with a grand total of 4 men, but that was after talking to dozens and scanning through hundreds of interested men in my area. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable but be prepared to ask someone out if you're really interested.

..........................................................

that post was damn well written and good advice for the ladies. Some insight for the guys too.
 

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Gonna be honest, I'm feeling a little haggish myself.

Either my sexual marketplace value has really tanked ... or I need to be in a more date-friendly environment.
Call me old and cranky, but I'm not much interested in driving over an hour to meet people in the hopes of forging a relationship, or getting laid. If anything, I've been weighing moving even further out into the boonies.
It really sucks meeting someone you really like an hour away as well. Not really great to quick catch ups. Maybe this is good or bad I'm not sure. All I know is that I miss the person that i'm seeing far too much.
 

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In fact I think I'm going to have the conversation where I say I don't want a Saturday night dinner and sleepover. I want to do real things with you on the weekends as well. She is asking about things like I want to sit with you and watch a movie or read in bed together do you think about doing those things with me as well? So maybe she wants me to instigate those things? We just don't seem to manage to do much more other than sex atm. This might be why she is also asking about normal things.
 

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It really sucks meeting someone you really like an hour away as well. Not really great to quick catch ups. Maybe this is good or bad I'm not sure. All I know is that I miss the person that i'm seeing far too much.
Really? My bf and I are limited to weekends because we live over an hour away from each other. When we started dating, it was 2hrs, but I was in the process of moving. I didn't see anyone I was particularly interested in in the city (OLD, I don't get out much), he hadn't met anyone he was interested in for a good year. Then we hit it off so well, we think it's worth the hassle.

We've got to the point where we would like to spend more time together, but we're each juggling commitments. We text pretty much all day every day intermittently and talk when we get a chance. We spend entire weekends together, the dude's seen me when I was particularly gnarly when I had working weekends and he hasn't run yet 🙃.

Nothing worthwhile is easy or completely without sacrifice or compromise. It's up to you to decide if someone or something is worth the effort or not. Missing someone is a good thing, when you don't miss someone and long for a break is when you have issues.
 

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Discussion Starter · #960 ·
Ok, so I'm not dating anymore, but we have a lot in common so maybe you can use my experiences. I am NOT going to post sordid details here, so message me for the juicy stuff 😂

Anyways...my experience was there are a TON of men out there, which was shocking. I thought it would be slim pickings in my age group (40-50) since you hear all these men looking for 20-somethings and women bemoaning how ****ty OLD is.

Don't post your profile until you're prepared to start engaging immediately, and dating pretty soon, or make it and go invisible. I was pretty overwhelmed the first time I posted my profile and started getting messages and ended up chickening out 😂. Oh, since you're a polite sweetie, please please please don't feel obligated to reply to every message you get, especially if you're not interested. I made the mistake of doing that a few times, and OMG the sheer vileness of some of the responses was shocking. Actually, make that a rule, NEVER message a man you're not interested in for ANY reason.

So onto choosing...
I wasn't particularly interested in the generated options, so I systemically used the search and filters to see men who were within my age range and reasonable distance. My filters were: no casual even if they were also looking for a relationship, no drugs/heavy drinkers/smokers, no looking to have kids/had young kids and certain religions I knew I am not compatible with.

Then I opened the profiles of the guys I found attractive and scanned their profiles to see if anything piqued my interest. Empty profiles, profiles with shirtless pics etc got nexted. I liked the ones I thought were interesting and then waited to see who was interested in me. I did not message anyone first, I don't like overly passive men and didn't want to get stuck in always initiating, that gets old fast.

Sure I oogled some of the pretty ones, and eyeballed their abs pics. I get that people are proud of their body, and the hard work it takes to maintain that, but trotting out the goods openly for all and sundry reminded me of the prostitutes in the Red Light district. Anyway, I wanted an intelligent man with a sense of humor who wasn't looking for validation from the masses, so next,

You seem to be the kind of woman who likes to get to know people on a deeper level, so you might share similar attitudes with me. I didn't talk to more than 3 men at a time, and I just "knew" which ones I was interested in wanting to know better. Here's where you need to sniff out the wolves in sheep's clothing, there were a lot of assholes masquerading as nice guys.

What might shock you is I didn't shun men for getting sexual, that's important to me cause I didn't want to get stuck with another dud. But, it depended on how they did it, sexy banter is fun and playful, unsolicited **** pics and begging for sex is not. You'll know if it feels right or not.

I wasn't interested in dating around, much less multi-dating, so I preferred to get to know men a little before going out. I know everyone usually insists here you should meet ASAP, but I feel that's a waste of my time and energy. I don't see the point in meeting ASAP, b/c it gave me enough time to decide if I wanted to know them better and to filter who wanted to smash & dash from who wanted to know me as a person. Plus, I didn't want the temptation of easy sex 😂

I went out with a grand total of 4 men, but that was after talking to dozens and scanning through hundreds of interested men in my area. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable but be prepared to ask someone out if you're really interested.

All this is just meeting, to see if you are interested 😂. I truly don't think you can totally nail someone's relationship potential until you actually date them and watch for their behaviors. Pretty face and pretty words are pretty empty. I started seeing a guy I thought was a "nice guy" and he ghosted me after a month.

When I met my bf, I thought he wasn't really interested in anything more than physical, he came across as super horny 😂 and non-committal even though he stated he wanted a long-term relationship. To be fair, he thought I came across the same, b/c there were some serious sparks in person and I nearly ate him alive after a sexless marriage. It'll be 2yrs in mid-January and we are pretty interested in seeing how far we can take our relationship.

So moral of the story is, you can't go with a set-in-stone mindset. Be open to possibility, be open to changing your own mind about what you want/need and don't pigeonhole people into categories. I think people come out of bad relationships certain of what they don't want, but forget that no one is going to be perfect, so having some list beyond absolute dealbreakers is unrealistic.
GREAT reply!!!! Thank you so much for all this advice and for sharing so much of your experiences!!!

I am NOT ready to date, I don't think...and I'm certainly NOT ready for online dating (EEEK!!!)...but everything you wrote was very encouraging and made it seem much less terrifying if I am ever ready to go that route!
I think we are very similar, because everything you wrote made perfect sense to me!!! 💜
 
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