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Yesterday a girlfriend of mine sent me pictures of my exhusband with a new girlfriend. He and I have been divorced 5 years. These were social media pictures where he gave her flowers and she captioned that some guys are so sweet, they were on the plane together in one picture and doing a flight of beer for tasting in another pic. Seeing him did not phase me. He has lost weight so obviously he is feeling better about himself. I do wish him happiness and hope he truly is in love. Seeing the pictures brought back so many memories though, it was incredible, something I was not anticipating. The hurt, the betrayal, the good times, and I started questioning myself as to whether I tried hard enough. This man just was not available to me and the kids in so many ways. It was like he wanted to live the bachelor life inside the marriage but he was not loving. Sure I got flowers, got jewelry too but that was just it.....gifts but no emotional support, he did not try to spend time with us. He was too busy chasing other women and caught up majorly in porn, heavy drinker. I stayed until the last child was ready to go to college and then it was my time to go. I felt sorry for the naive woman he is with thinking those flowers were sweet. This man doesn't know how to treat a woman.
 

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I started questioning myself as to whether I tried hard enough.
Yes, you did enough. And you are better off without him. Enjoy your life and be happy he is not part of it anymore.

Few days ago I saw the meme saying: one person's prince is someone else's donkey.... ;)
 

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I think that's what most of us dread...seeing our ex with someone else. But life is short and the view is much better through the windshield than the rear view mirror :)
 

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But life is short and the view is much better through the windshield than the rear view mirror :)
That goes directly against what I learned from the Tupac classic “Starin’ Through My Rearview”. In particular this part:

I'm seein nothing but my dreams coming true
While I'm staring at the world through my rearview
 

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I think that's what most of us dread...seeing our ex with someone else. But life is short and the view is much better through the windshield than the rear view mirror :)
Not us BS, we expect that.

I totally agree with you. That's why I wasted no time in getting on with living. We can drop dead any day, I'd rather be happy than miserable.
 

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I think that's what most of us dread...seeing our ex with someone else. But life is short and the view is much better through the windshield than the rear view mirror :)
I have to say that was the opposite for me. It was relief, another proof that things are going to go my way
 
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It seems that I have a different attitude towards my dating. After being in one relationship for 27 years, I am not really in a hurry into the new one. I am enjoying my freedom and my sexual freedom and if there is a connection I don’t mind sex on first date.
right now I am meeting someone and it’s basically for sex. We both are busy in our lives and this is what we need. I recently bought house, now going through remodeling, my day job, searching for car for two teenagers, etc. We feel comfortable with each other, we respect each other, we both have high drive and like each other company. But I know this will never evolve into romantic relationship and that’s fine. For now it works.
What a breath of fresh air. Don’t be a tightwad that protects sex like it’s some golden commodity…because it’s really not. Go take what’s best for you, Wanda!
 

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What a breath of fresh air. Don’t be a tightwad that protects sex like it’s some golden commodity…because it’s really not. Go take what’s best for you, Wanda!
Waiting for all the women can't bond anymore b/c they are too casual... followed by I'ma save my precious **** for top-tier under 5 partner women... then I can't get laid brah, need some sexual socialism
🍿
 

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Waiting for all the women can't bond anymore b/c they are too casual... followed by I'ma save my precious **** for top-tier under 5 partner women... then I can't get laid brah, need some sexual socialism
No kidding. Ya can’t win

Read a post earlier for someone advising maybe to not be so loose so soon…guy only sees you as fun to be with…not the caliber of woman to settle down with. Then jump to another thread that says gotta give it up by the third date. Then how you aren’t supposed to put “not looking for a hook up” on your dating profile to another thread that says if your numbers are high, you can’t make the long run.

Me thinks there is a lot of triggering, bitterness and blame floating around lately. Maybe time for me to move on too.


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No kidding. Ya can’t win

Read a post earlier for someone advising maybe to not be so loose so soon…guy only sees you as fun to be with…not the caliber of woman to settle down with. Then jump to another thread that says gotta give it up by the third date. Then how you aren’t supposed to put “not looking for a hook up” on your dating profile to another thread that says if your numbers are high, you can’t make the long run.

Me thinks there is a lot of triggering, bitterness and blame floating around lately. Maybe time for me to move on too.


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No, not really. Just don’t use sex as a commodity to manipulate the relationship. You jump in when you feel the water’s fine, not when you think you’ve bled him dry enough.
 

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Waiting for all the women can't bond anymore b/c they are too casual... followed by I'ma save my precious **** for top-tier under 5 partner women... then I can't get laid brah, need some sexual socialism
🍿
No kidding. Ya can’t win

Read a post earlier for someone advising maybe to not be so loose so soon…guy only sees you as fun to be with…not the caliber of woman to settle down with. Then jump to another thread that says gotta give it up by the third date. Then how you aren’t supposed to put “not looking for a hook up” on your dating profile to another thread that says if your numbers are high, you can’t make the long run.

Me thinks there is a lot of triggering, bitterness and blame floating around lately. Maybe time for me to move on too.


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And if you don't settle for whatever comes your way, then you're unable to commit. 🙄

There really is no winning because there are no rules. Do whatever feels right to you @Elizabeth001. You didn't ask my advice but I'm going to give it to you anyways. If you choose to go down the road of online dating then remember that this is just a way to expose you to people that you probably wouldn't have been exposed to the traditional way.
1. It's a numbers game. Talk to everyone whose profile seems like a good match.

2. Meet face to face for a quick coffee or drink as soon as possible. Don't waste time messaging for days or weeks before deciding to meet. Figure out if there's real life attraction soon so you avoid disappointment.

3. And this was my personal rule but don't put all your eggs in One basket. Unless you've had the exclusivity conversation, assume they are still seeing other people, as you should as well. If you want something more serious, then bring it up sooner rather than later. And no, sex doesn't change anything.

Online dating is a dog eat dog world where you're only interesting until the next best thing flashes on their device.
 

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I have to say that was the opposite for me. It was relief, another proof that things are going to go my way
I would love nothing more than to see my ex happy with someone new. It would mean he has let me go and I really just want to be free. I want to be able to make plans where I don’t get interrupted with thoughts of “oh…that’s gonna hurt him. ” Yes I know I should feel free to do what I want but as I know he is still hurting I am careful of his feelings. He is my children’s father after all. But man…I want to be free of all that.
 

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No kidding. Ya can’t win

Read a post earlier for someone advising maybe to not be so loose so soon…guy only sees you as fun to be with…not the caliber of woman to settle down with. Then jump to another thread that says gotta give it up by the third date. Then how you aren’t supposed to put “not looking for a hook up” on your dating profile to another thread that says if your numbers are high, you can’t make the long run.

Me thinks there is a lot of triggering, bitterness and blame floating around lately. Maybe time for me to move on too.


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The idea is to choose wisely. That's how you can have sex by the 3rd date without sleeping with half the town. Most of the complaints that go with this generally revolve around ladies almost intentionally picking guys that only see them as a warm, wet hole and then getting upset when they realize that's all they ever were to the guys they picked. If you stay single for a few years, going on a date every other week or so, you can rack up some serious numbers (and some emotional baggage) along the way.

Men have to walk a fine line too. We have to be masculine because women don't want weak men, but don't be toxically masculine! Men have to talk to women out in the real world, but not at the gym....or the coffee house.....or when she is reading....or wearing earbuds, or if she finds you unattractive. Then you're just creepy. Men have to be confident but not too confident because then you're just acting like a douche. Oh, and men can't have any preferences. Period. Once we state any preferences, we can expect the insults to fly.

Of course there is some bitterness, bitterness all around I'd say. A lot of people have good cause for bitterness.
 

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I would love nothing more than to see my ex happy with someone new. It would mean he has let me go and I really just want to be free. I want to be able to make plans where I don’t get interrupted with thoughts of “oh…that’s gonna hurt him. ” Yes I know I should feel free to do what I want but as I know he is still hurting I am careful of his feelings. He is my children’s father after all. But man…I want to be free of all that.
You need to get this thought out of your head. The fact that he isn't with someone new does not mean it is because of his feelings for you. Maybe he just has no takers or hasn't found the right one, yet. Don't take on that burden. You're a great gal and all; but, you aren't the be all and end all for him. He made that perfectly clear.
 

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The idea is to choose wisely. That's how you can have sex by the 3rd date without sleeping with half the town. Most of the complaints that go with this generally revolve around ladies almost intentionally picking guys that only see them as a warm, wet hole and then getting upset when they realize that's all they ever were to the guys they picked. If you stay single for a few years, going on a date every other week or so, you can rack up some serious numbers (and some emotional baggage) along the way.
That might be your experience but based on my mine and the female friends, the vast majority of them date men who come off like Andy Griffith and say they are looking for a serious relationship. Most are lying to get laid.

The idea should be to become a good lie detector and hone the red flag meter so you don't waste your time on the liars. Even then, a woman might get into a monogamous relationship with a man only to figure out a couple of months into it that they are not at all compatible.
 

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That might be your experience but based on my mine and the female friends, the vast majority of them date men who come off like Andy Griffin and say they are looking for a serious relationship. Most are lying to get laid.

The idea should be to become a good lie detector and hone the red flag meter so you don't waste your time on the liars. Even then, a woman might get into a monogamous relationship with a man only to figure out a couple of months into it that they are not at all compatible.
I'm guessing you mean Andy Griffith of Mayberry? There is the first red flag - don't fall for the hokey, down-home good ol' boy routine. They probably go home and wash their mouths out with soap after putting on that charade.
 

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I'm guessing you mean Andy Griffith of Mayberry? There is the first red flag - don't fall for the hokey, down-home good ol' boy routine. They probably go home and wash their mouths out with soap after putting on that charade.

Lol yes Andy Griffith of Mayberry.

Whether it's Andy Griffith or some other type, the key is to get to the truth sooner rather than later.
 

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I think that's what most of us dread...seeing our ex with someone else. But life is short and the view is much better through the windshield than the rear view mirror :)
I lived with my ex a long time so I know what their new SO is dealing with or will deal with. I wish them luck and endurance because they'll probably need it.
 
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