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Merry Christmas to all of you on TAM! For some of us like myself your day will be spent alone, my heart goes out to you!!! My youngest daughter who lives nearby tested positive for COVID two days ago on my birthday. The guy I have been dated also tested positive the same day. Two weeks ago an old boyfriend from highschool passed away from the virus. he had contacted me just a month before he passed. This morning I found out a friend's father passed away from COVID. Be careful and be safe, this virus is nothing to mess with.

On a different topic, I had a long talk with the man I have been dating for the past 1 1/2 years. He and I will be going away to Costa Rica to vacation in about a month. I know he likes me, it is obvious by the way he reacts to me and I am very comfortable with him but there was some disconnects that I wanted to talk about. It was like I felt being waved in by one hand and the other hand had a stop sign up. How it turned out he basically said he was not sure if he wants to ever be with any one person long-term and if he did it probably would not come to him naturally. He told me that he basically saw relationships as having a time....you enjoy that person until the relationship no longer serves one person or the other. He said he doesn't want to be locked into exclusivity as he wants his freedom to do what he wants to do and he feels exclusiveness means doing more together than he wants, basically he doesn't want the obligation to a relationship. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he told me he was not, told me he is not a player and that if he met someone else he wanted to be with he would not keep seeing me. He told me that he enjoys , __, __ (listed what he likes about me) and is enjoying getting to know me. The conversation did not feel good to me. I was hoping we were working towards something more solid, more stable.....dating forever is not what I have wanted ever. He obviously is not seeing a future with me or even thinking that way, perhaps more typical of men but painful to hear regardless. he claims we are not friends with benefits but how else do you term what he said? Am I the one getting this confused? He assure me this is just about sex for him......I didn't ask as I have not felt it was just sex between us, not sure why he mentioned that. He an I have done all kinds of things together. He is always asking me questions about my past, my kids, my family so he knows me better than anyone....we have shared an awful lot and of everyone I have dated since my divorce, he and I have the most in common. I am ready for a relationship where we integrate our lives and he definitely is not.
AVR, why are you going on a trip with this man? Clearly you need to get away from him, he sounds like nothing you need in your life.

Much love to you and merry Christmas


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That's how all this came up in the first place. I agreed to this trip but then I wanted to know just what he was feeling as I had sensed intentional distance when we were apart. Last night when he told me that he liked me and wanted to get to know me better but didn't want exclusivity because he wanted his freedom to do what he wanted I realized we are not on the same page. I told him I cannot be with him knowing that he might be dating other women or wanting to meet other women. I told him that two people in an exclusive relationship have the opportunity to build the relationship together and that I cannot give to him knowing otherwise. Even though he is being honest with his feelings I do feel at the same time there is some manipulation here. He has been clear, he does not want to be exclusive and it is my choice as to whether I want to continue to see him. And I have made it clear what I want and what I am looking for, being exclusive is part of this. So I am thinking of opening my online dating account again, cancelling the trip and start over once again. I was clear right from date one, I told him I was ultimately looking for my best friend and partner in life, he said he was also. That is why I decided to get to know him.
 

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If you are wanting commitment you may as well dump him right now. He wants no string sex and companionship. At least he told you because a lot of guys would just string you along for as long as it suited them. He doesn't want any responsibility or obligation and would probably be useless in any way other than a lover or someone to talk to.

It's good that he told you but on the other hand you have to just take that as a warning because now that he's told you, that frees him up to treat you any way he wants to and see whoever he wants to and do whatever he wants to and just have no conscience about it.
 

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This is going to take alot of strength on my part, I have a great deal of feelings for this man.
You just have to realize that the man you have a lot of feelings for isn't the man you hoped he was. If you knew this about him from day one you would not have feelings for him.
 

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I commend him for his honesty and you should tell him you appreciate that.

I agree that cancelling the trip and opening up your account is a good idea.

He wants his freedom is code for he likes you and probably doesn't have anyone else, but wants the option if something better comes along.

That makes you a place holder.

Sorry :(

You're worth more and you'll find another guy who thinks so.
 

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One has to wonder if his changed stance is because of your attachment to and support for the dentist during his time of need which you told Tiger about. If the dentist hadn't dropped you like a hot potato, would you have still been dating Tiger?
 

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One has to wonder if his changed stance is because of your attachment to and support for the dentist during his time of need which you told Tiger about. If the dentist hadn't dropped you like a hot potato, would you have still been dating Tiger?
He actually had more contact with me knowing the dentist was out of the picture.
 

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One has to wonder if his changed stance is because of your attachment to and support for the dentist during his time of need which you told Tiger about. If the dentist hadn't dropped you like a hot potato, would you have still been dating Tiger?
And if Tiger was the “one”, she would have wished the dentist well and carried on.


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He actually had more contact with me knowing the dentist was out of the picture.
Maybe, but he may also feel like plan B and that could cause him to keep your at arm's length.

In the back of his mind he may feel like given the option you would've chosen the other guy, so he'll enjoy you until something better comes along.

Is this a conversation you could have with him?
 

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What are you going to do? How did you leave it with him?
We video chatted, can't see each other since he has the virus. We told each other that when we first met that we each dated other people. I told him at some point I could not see others and he said he did the same. He said that I decided where to continue commit my time and that if his company was not worth my time he would no longer be a priority to me. He assured me, his word, that he feels the very same. I told him I spilled alot on him and he said he was fine. He did ask me not to call him a playboy as that suggests that he is manipulative and he is not trying to manipulate anyone. He had me laughing by the end of the conversation. He sent me a text with a tiger picture as he knows I refer to him as my tiger. I then went out to dinner by myself to celebrate my birthday. Still feeling really strange about it all.
 
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