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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hey kids, it's a new year and a new decade, so let's get a new thread started! Please continue all discussions from the old thread (https://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/430863-singles-tam-2019-a.html) here in the new thread. Feel free to tag anyone that I have missed.

For anyone new to this thread, this is where the post-divorce Singles of TAM mingle and talk about our adventures as singles (after once being coupled), everything from small, every day stuff to adventures in dating! We share our triumphs, our challenges, and we laugh along the way, too. We are joined but some tried and true non-Single TAMers who know this is where the fun is, and they sometimes offer advice, too :)

@Lila @Cynthia @3Xnocharm @Elizabeth001 @Faithful Wife @Emerging Buddhist @ConanHub @Andy1001 @Blondilocks @Hopeful Cynic @farsidejunky @lifeistooshort @AVR1962 @jorgegene @sunsetmist @TBT @Not @2&out @RebuildingMe @SunCMars @In Absentia @notmyjamie @RandomDude @Affaircare @Robbie1234 @wilson @heartsbeating @As'laDain @Livvie @ReformedHubby

As I'm typing this list, I'm beginning to think we have more non-singles than Singles on this thread, now! Where all my Singles at?
 

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Cool! You started a new one. I found this thread to be supportive at times, therapeutic at times, and...dramatic at times. But I do think those of us that have become single again and started dating again do have quite a bit of insight to offer those that find themselves single again after marriage. I myself am still in a relationship, and its still going strong even though I got her a Peleton for Christmas LoL. I had zero idea there was such a huge controversy over giving that as a gift. Whoops. She loves it though, posted it on her fb page and all her friends are poking fun and calling me abusive. For those that don't know apparently the Peleton commercial caused a huge controversy and went viral because it was seen as an offensive gift for your girlfriend or wife. I had zero idea about this when I ordered the damn thing. Luckily I didn't get dumped going into the new year!
 

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I try not to get too involved in the singles thread, but sometimes I see something that makes my heart go plunk and I have to respond. An example is Lila making a comment that sounds like she thinks the reason the man she was talking about isn't interested in her is that she isn't beautiful enough. I found that to be disturbing.

Lila, we have all seen your gorgeous eyes, so you saying you aren't beautiful didn't sit well with me. I figured he didn't say that to you, but had to check to make sure. From reading your posts lately, you seem to be feeling insecure. Whether or not he's attracted to you physically, it is likely not the reason why he isn't interested in taking the relationship further.
 

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Cool! You started a new one. I found this thread to be supportive at times, therapeutic at times, and...dramatic at times. But I do think those of us that have become single again and started dating again do have quite a bit of insight to offer those that find themselves single again after marriage. I myself am still in a relationship, and its still going strong even though I got her a Peleton for Christmas LoL. I had zero idea there was such a huge controversy over giving that as a gift. Whoops. She loves it though, posted it on her fb page and all her friends are poking fun and calling me abusive. For those that don't know apparently the Peleton commercial caused a huge controversy and went viral because it was seen as an offensive gift for your girlfriend or wife. I had zero idea about this when I ordered the damn thing. Luckily I didn't get dumped going into the new year!
I own a gym and during December over a hundred women had gym membership for their husband/boyfriend as a Christmas gift.
The amount of men who bought it for the woman in their lives?
Zero.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Cool! You started a new one. I found this thread to be supportive at times, therapeutic at times, and...dramatic at times. But I do think those of us that have become single again and started dating again do have quite a bit of insight to offer those that find themselves single again after marriage. I myself am still in a relationship, and its still going strong even though I got her a Peleton for Christmas LoL. I had zero idea there was such a huge controversy over giving that as a gift. Whoops. She loves it though, posted it on her fb page and all her friends are poking fun and calling me abusive. For those that don't know apparently the Peleton commercial caused a huge controversy and went viral because it was seen as an offensive gift for your girlfriend or wife. I had zero idea about this when I ordered the damn thing. Luckily I didn't get dumped going into the new year!
Wow, that is a VERY expensive gift. Glad she liked it--nicely done. If it's something she wants, asks for, hints at, then I think it's fine. When she DOESN'T want it is when the waters get murky...

The drama on the thread keeps it interesting, LOL ;)
 

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Thanks for thinking of me FP! I expect to transition to this thread throughout 2020 as my D unfolds. No dating yet, but no rush either.

I wanted to also comment on Lila and the insecurity issue. I think exiting a relationship or not being able to find one creates a lack of self confidence. I feel it in myself, despite not being able to “test” it yet in the real world. I follow her story and I hope she’ll meet someone and that will immediately boost her confidence.
 

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Okay I don't get that. I mean--yes, it's possibly not wise to even imply that your GF/SO/wife may need to exercise more or lose weight. I'm sure that's what the snowflakes "took offence" to.

BUT as an example, @Emerging Buddhist and I exercise together and we're both into it. We enjoy walking (briskly) as our exercise, and yet during the cold winter months, we get to the end of a day, it's cold and dark, and we struggle with "How do we get the HR up without getting out?" So if I asked for a Peleton, or we were discussing indoor exercise equipment and he just surprised me with one, why would that NOT be a FANTASTIC gift? I mean...those babies are cool tech and they are not inexpensive!! That seems pretty thoughtful to me.

Then again, I think I'm "different" :p
 

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Discussion Starter #9
*quoting from the 2019 thread*

Lila said:
Oh no, no, no. Let me clear the confusion up. He never said anything like that. He's a VERY kind and polite person. I do think he's somewhat of a player and he's dating around (perfectly acceptable). I know someone who's known him for years. He told me about the beautiful exes.
Lila said:
Yes to the bolded. I'm sure I don't fit his standard type physically based on what I know about him. But he does seem to enjoy my company. That's why I said we are staying friends.
OK, so I can see where you would gather that conclusion. Is it possible that his XW and XG just happened to be very beautiful, but he was with them because of their personality? You never know... and you are beautiful on your own; your beauty is not dependent on others, or invalidated by someone else's beauty. He may think you are more beautiful, or you may actually be more his type.

And besides, it's the friend who is categorizing the exes as so beautiful.

Regardless, based on what you've said previously, I don't think this is the guy for you anyway, so I'm not trying to push you into his arms. and if you get along, friendship is fine... and who knows, he might introduce you to the man of your dreams.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks for thinking of me FP! I expect to transition to this thread throughout 2020 as my D unfolds. No dating yet, but no rush either.

I wanted to also comment on Lila and the insecurity issue. I think exiting a relationship or not being able to find one creates a lack of self confidence. I feel it in myself, despite not being able to “test” it yet in the real world. I follow her story and I hope she’ll meet someone and that will immediately boost her confidence.
This thread isn't just about dating. It's also about adjusting to single life after being married, and for some of us, it's about our experiences intentionally staying single and NOT dating. I'm not dating right now, and I'm kind of happy about that.

So feel free to post here about ANYTHING you need feedback on, as long as it relates to being single. (Issues regarding the divorce itself, custody, etc, are best kept to that forum.) But are you excited about your new place and want to talk about it? This is the place for that! Are you learning how to cook for yourself, because your spouse did all the cooking, and need encouragement? Ask us! Trying to figure out how to build a social life as a single? We are here for you.
 

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I didn’t get a beacon but I always read the singles thread and contribute occasionally and, I’m single :grin2:. I find it helpful to read about the dating experiences of others here. Thank you all for being willing to share.

I am not currently dating and, have not been for about a year. It’s been a rough year socially; I have acquired a (dangerous) stalker and have had several dodgy encounters with strangers on the street (I walk everywhere and live in an urban area). Anyhow, it has caused me to walk around with my “head on a swivel” and a Taser. I’m in a sort of “stranger danger” mode. Which is not like me at all as I am usually the type that smiles at strangers, will talk to anyone and knows all the “locals”.

I know I’ll snap out of it eventually but it has just temporarily tweaked my normal confidence; it’s just a weird mindset for me.
 

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I own a gym and during December over a hundred women had gym membership for their husband/boyfriend as a Christmas gift.
The amount of men who bought it for the woman in their lives?
Zero.
Ha,ha....yeah. I can totally see how certain gifts can be offensive. I only saw my mom and dad argue once on Christmas. He bought her a sewing machine based on a recommendation from her mother. One guy I used to work with found himself in hot water for buying his wife a floor cleaning machine. That was stupid...and offensive!!! I think it depends on the person. I know her pretty well at this point. She recently got her personal trainer's license and she is a fitness addict. If its something she wasn't into I certainly would have selected something different.
 

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I didn’t get a beacon but I always read the singles thread and contribute occasionally and, I’m single :grin2:. I find it helpful to read about the dating experiences of others here. Thank you all for being willing to share.

I am not currently dating and, have not been for about a year. It’s been a rough year socially; I have acquired a (dangerous) stalker and have had several dodgy encounters with strangers on the street (I walk everywhere and live in an urban area). Anyhow, it has caused me to walk around with my “head on a swivel” and a Taser. I’m in a sort of “stranger danger” mode. Which is not like me at all as I am usually the type that smiles at strangers, will talk to anyone and knows all the “locals”.

I know I’ll snap out of it eventually but it has just temporarily tweaked my normal confidence; it’s just a weird mindset for me.
Are you still studying aikido?
 

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Thanks for thinking of me FP! I expect to transition to this thread throughout 2020 as my D unfolds. No dating yet, but no rush either.

I wanted to also comment on Lila and the insecurity issue. I think exiting a relationship or not being able to find one creates a lack of self confidence. I feel it in myself, despite not being able to “test” it yet in the real world. I follow her story and I hope she’ll meet someone and that will immediately boost her confidence.
This thread isn't just about dating. It's also about adjusting to single life after being married, and for some of us, it's about our experiences intentionally staying single and NOT dating. I'm not dating right now, and I'm kind of happy about that.

So feel free to post here about ANYTHING you need feedback on, as long as it relates to being single. (Issues regarding the divorce itself, custody, etc, are best kept to that forum.) But are you excited about your new place and want to talk about it? This is the place for that! Are you learning how to cook for yourself, because your spouse did all the cooking, and need encouragement? Ask us! Trying to figure out how to build a social life as a single? We are here for you.
Well, I like how you tagged people. I haven’t been here long enough to know who’s single and who’s married. Geez, I can’t even figure out who’s male and who’s female half the time!
 

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I try not to get too involved in the singles thread, but sometimes I see something that makes my heart go plunk and I have to respond. An example is Lila making a comment that sounds like she thinks the reason the man she was talking about isn't interested in her is that she isn't beautiful enough. I found that to be disturbing.

Lila, we have all seen your gorgeous eyes, so you saying you aren't beautiful didn't sit well with me. I figured he didn't say that to you, but had to check to make sure. From reading your posts lately, you seem to be feeling insecure. Whether or not he's attracted to you physically, it is likely not the reason why he isn't interested in taking the relationship further.
I do feel insecure but and am trying to work through that with a therapist. But even my therapist agrees that modern dating is brutal. She's 72 and been practicing for over 40 years. She sees more people suffering from insecurity now than ever before.

It's very possible he's not into me physically (his previous gfs and wife were slim, I'm a size 12 on a good day). I don't begrudge him his preferences.


Thanks for thinking of me FP! I expect to transition to this thread throughout 2020 as my D unfolds. No dating yet, but no rush either.

I wanted to also comment on Lila and the insecurity issue. I think exiting a relationship or not being able to find one creates a lack of self confidence. I feel it in myself, despite not being able to “test” it yet in the real world. I follow her story and I hope she’ll meet someone and that will immediately boost her confidence.
Thanks for the good wishes.

I wish I could say that it's easier for men to date but I don't think so. You'll have to post updates when you dive in. I'd be curious to hear what it's like for you.

OK, so I can see where you would gather that conclusion. Is it possible that his XW and XG just happened to be very beautiful, but he was with them because of their personality? You never know... and you are beautiful on your own; your beauty is not dependent on others, or invalidated by someone else's beauty. He may think you are more beautiful, or you may actually be more his type.

And besides, it's the friend who is categorizing the exes as so beautiful.

Regardless, based on what you've said previously, I don't think this is the guy for you anyway, so I'm not trying to push you into his arms. and if you get along, friendship is fine... and who knows, he might introduce you to the man of your dreams.
That is true. His exes may have been beautiful women with fantastic personalities. One does not invalidate the other. I know many women who fit the bill, and let's include successful to round out the trifecta.

In the words of my bestie, in a city where there are approximately 1.5 million single men, you'd think it would like shooting fish in a barrel. We laughed hard. C'est la vie.
 

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Ha,ha....yeah. I can totally see how certain gifts can be offensive. I only saw my mom and dad argue once on Christmas. He bought her a sewing machine based on a recommendation from her mother. One guy I used to work with found himself in hot water for buying his wife a floor cleaning machine. That was stupid...and offensive!!! I think it depends on the person. I know her pretty well at this point. She recently got her personal trainer's license and she is a fitness addict. If its something she wasn't into I certainly would have selected something different.


Just NEVER “gift” her a vacuum... even a high-tech one!




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

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Yup, weekly classes and also cross-fit for strength and balance maintenance.
Aikido is a great for self defense especially for women (I’m not being sexist just realistic) but it takes a long time to perfect the techniques. If you’re worried about random attacker’s maybe you should consider one of the more attack oriented styles, Krav Maga maybe or Muay Thai.
 

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Just NEVER “gift” her a vacuum... even a high-tech one!




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been hinting about getting something with diamonds.
I’ve bought her a deck of cards.
 
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