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Hello! I am new to the forum. I need some advice on where to go from here. I have been with the same man for about 9 and a half years. Recently, I found a pretty obcene text message he sent to another girl and wanted to talk to him about it. Well, one thing led to another and he ended up talking about how he does not know if while he has been with me he has let the love of his life slip through his fingers. He kept referring to her as such. He says that she does not share his feelings, but he thinks she is the love of his life. I don't know what to do. I can not be someones second choice or someone he settles for. I am better than that. I am a wonderful woman and I want him to love me as I love him. How can I or what can I do to help him get over her. I need help. We need help. Please, someone. Can he really love me the way I should or deserve to be loved while he is still hung up on her?
 

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Hello! Iam new here at the forum. I need some help. Me and my husband dated for 3 years before we became serious. We have been serious going on 6 years and recently married 6 months ago. I have just found out that hes been unfaithful for the last 4 years of our relationship. I am so angry and mad because I know that Ive done nothing but try to love him. We all have temptations, but its up to us to act on them or not. I dont know how to move past this. Its been 6 weeks and I have stopped crying now but Im still angry and I no longer trust him. How do I get past the anger and how do I learn to trust him again?
 

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Montgomery,

I don't see how a man can fully commit himself to his woman if he is hung up on another woman. You are right, you deserve to be loved the way you love him. You should confront him about how you feel. If he had the courage to tell you this, then that means that's what's in his heart. Things that we say are usually a representation of what's in our hearts. Let him go, take some time apart, if you 2 were meant to be it will be.
 

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Annie,

I understand your anger and hurt. He has to help you get through this hurt by continuously proving himself trust worthy to you. You will not get pass anger and mistrust on your own. His past actions is the reason you feel this way, so he needs to be involved with this process. He has to be extremely open with you about everything, and not give you any doubts. By doing this, he will show you how remorseful he is towards you. If he has already been doing this without you having to discuss this, then that's a very good sign. If not, and you want your marriage to work, then you need to have a serious - yet loving - conversation abot how you feel and how to move forward.

It is so hard to regain trust once it's broken, but there is no pain that time and love can't heal. You need to forgive your husband for the past before you can trust him again. I can tell you that if you do not forgive, things will only get worse.You should forgive him. If that's what you're trying to do let him know. Take the time to explain your hurt in a loving way (so it doesn't lead to an argument), let him know you are willing to forgive him in spite of how you feel. Then you should make it clear that just b/c you forgive, doesn't mean you accept what he did nor will you put up with such betrayal again. But b/c you love him, you forgive and move on. Now once you do this, do not ever bring up the past, do not dwell on it, or think about it, try your very best not to remember it. Do not use it against him, or take revenge when your time for temptation comes around. Revenge never helps a situation, only makes it worse. The saying "forgive & forget" is true. By no means is this easy, but it can be done. Pray about your hurt and anger so that it can be removed from your heart.
 

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I know that kind of story. I'm still hurt until now and always trying to just go on with life.

I been married to my husband for 4 years. But we separated for 2 years. He was the one who initiated the reconciliation and I trusted him hoping that the previous problems -- the reasons why we separated last time -- will never be an issue. But it never happened. Everytime we quarreled, I tried to be calm and just take everything he said bad about me. He had a very, very bad temper and he forgets I'm a person when he's angry.

He had several relationships when we were 'off'. And when he asked for a reconciliation, I thought he's really serious giving up all his 'girls'. But when I came to his place, he has 'unfinished businesses' and it hurts me a lot. I can see the pain in the 'other' girl's part also. Though he's with me, he always open the blog of the 'other' girl, sing their song and unconsiously asks the wind: how is she?

He always tell me that I am the only one that he ever loved and that was the reason why he still wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But he kept on his showing actions which makes me really suspicious, and make me think if he's really done with the girl.

If only we were not married, I can give way but I keep on fighting because I wanted to have peace of mind.

Besides, sacrifising my own future for him, I've tried to accept his being "charming" to women. Yet, he never see that I am a good person and that I am working very hard on our marriage.

Being a wife is like forgetting about yourself, following the growth of your children and pleasing your husband -- unconditionally. We cannot talk to them if they womanize. But they'll kill us if we cheat.
 

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Unis, sounds like he is trying to have is cake and eat it too. Holding on to you while he does his dirt. Continuous heartache from your husband will not bring peace. If you want peace of mind (& spirit) you may want to consider divorce. One person cannot work on a marriage, it needs to include the wife & husband. How could your husband forget that you are a person??? You are worth more than that, and deserve better. Do you really want to continue fighting for your marriage to spend the rest of your life w/ a man who does not respect you, is a womanizer, and forgets that you are a person?
 
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