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I am so confused and hurt right now. My husband and I have been married for 8y and together for 12y. I am 2.5 years older than him and he has struggled with maturity issues the entire time. Our relationship is complicated and rocky. I have loved him and built a life with him and our blended family for so long I do not know any other way to survive. In the last 12 years I have dealt with infidelity on several occasions, lying, alcohol abuse, parenting differences, and financial struggles. I have considered seperation on several occasions but have always been talked off the ledge by him and my own insecurities. You see, he is the only family I have and the only person in my life (besides my children) who has ever stuck by me.

This current problem though is one I do not think I can come back from. My 18 year old daughter recently moved into the house with us. My ex and I had joint custody but she chose primary placement with him and has only been with us on visitation and holidays. After graduation she chose to live with us while she got on her feet. The relationship my husband has with her is not a step-child relationship. He has treated her like a buddy over the last 12 years. Since moving in with us that has changed to flirtation. I have noticed this and thought maybe I was misconstruing the situation and tried not to overreact.

I recently returned from a 5 day business trip (early) to find out that he was having the kids lie to me about his escapades over the time I was gone. After some digging I found out that he took my 18 year old out with him on friday night as the dd. That by itself isnt so bad but the comment her made to her was that "she would be his arm candy". She then proceeded to tell me that he makes inappropriate comments to her and flirts with her continuously when I am not there. I confronted him last night and while he did not deny it he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He has never touched her or propositioned her for sex, but how long before he does? Am I overreacting? Am I right to think this might be the deal breaker that ends it. I fear for my daughters well being and mine. Not to mention I have other daughters in the house. Is it any less wrong that she is of legal age than if she were a child? Please help. I am torn and hurting and dont know what to do.
 

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Isn't it amazing how a spouse can mess with your head so badly that you're not sure whether you can tell up from down any more?

In my book, this one is a dealbreaker. I'm so sorry. It sounds like you've put a lot of time and energy into the relationship, but I think you need to get out.
 

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not sure, give it time, tell him you are not comfortable with it and talk to your daughter too, she is young and probably still naive, young girls like that are easy to manipulate

don't do anything in a rush or worry too much, just take the time to think about it :)
 

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It's a deal breaker.

The single most usual person to molest a girl is their step father or the mother's boyfriend.

She's an adult at 18. A very young adult and quite honestly not really aware of what she's doing in this.

This is completely breaking all family taboos. He is a father figure and is making a move on a bearly legal girl. Are you aware that you now have to either tell him to leave or tell your daughter that she has to leave? Or are you going to allow this under your roof?

He's getting her attention by letter her go along with him to places where he drinks.. she gets to be the DD.

Do you realize that you are asking if it's ok for your husband to flirt and be suggestive with an other female? Then to compounds things.. your daughter.

Do not wait. Waiting will only give this situation time to get worse.
 

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Therevare so many parts of this that sound like me. Im sorry you are going through this.

In a situation for me that was somewhat similiar, i asked myself if i would allow any other adult man to act this way with my daughter.

NO

The fact that he is part of your family should have zero bearings on that. Inappropriate is what this is. Married to him or not. Its a deal breaker for me.
 
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