The Last Straw

I think I'm finally ready to stop putting my STBXH first. Actually, I guess I'm finally realizing that I am/was putting him first.
Update:
Told my story (blah blah cheating blah blah lying blah blah not worth working on it...) in an earlier post. He wanted a divorce, but wanted me to file because I had the money.
Got a lawyer, and started the proceedings, and it's been like living in a mine field. He comes and goes as he likes (lives in the basement but spends all his time with the OW.) He's never available to talk, but when I make decisions he blows up. I filed the divorce papers and he didn't respond, but I asked the lawyer not to go for a default settlement, and have been trying to work with him. He's never available.
Our house is a disaster. I had two realtors out to see about selling it, they said in the current condition it can't be sold as no one would approve a mortgage on it. My father wanted to buy it and fix it up, then I would pay him back by paying rent. We would need to pay off the second mortgage (which is just in my STBXH's name). I offered to be completely responsible for all of our tax debt (result of him emptying out over $180,000 from his retirement account without telling me), and pay my dad back. He would just need to use part of his remaining retirement in the divorce settlement to pay off the second mortgage.
He says he's getting screwed. He thinks I should refinance and take over both mortgages, because I'm getting the house. He keeps insisting that the house was worth $150,000 15 years ago, so I'm making a huge profit on the deal. He won't admit that the house needs more than $40,000 in repairs before it is saleable at the current value, which is more like $100,000.
I think it's time to tell him to get a lawyer, then tell my lawyer to go for the default divorce.
Anyone gone through a default divorce?