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This site is very one sided most times and I think runs off the other perspectives. That makes it hard for those seeking any truth other than the standard 'truth' hard to find.

Take this thread for example. I'm actually surprised the few woman we have here that usually show up and say yes the HD should have it as much as they want and I"m a woman so both sides agree haven't showed up. I know why most the women haven't showed.

I knew what was going to happen when I posted.

I think there are solutions for some of these problems but this site won't get there because burn the witch, right.

It's fine. I guess I was avoiding the mound of work I have to do so decided to respond mostly for Floridaguy. I know he's been having trouble and he still sometimes seems to be searching for answers.

The truth is there are woman who withhold on purpose, there are those that don't want sex. I can't defend them. I think there are way more women and men that entered into marriage and just never really made a union. I also guess that means there may not be solutions for many because it was a house of sand to begin with.
Flip side, there are many that it is always the men's fault. Wife cheats, guy did something that led her to do it. You can always tell where peoples sore spot is. Some scream louder than others to emphasize their injury is more substantial and therefore their stance must be correct.

Thing is, many people put on airs prior to marriage to snag the guy/girl they think will make them happiest. They had no intention of keeping up what attracted their mate so the illusions become reality. Many, many people should have never married in 1st place because they were not truely compatable.
 

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Flip side, there are many that it is always the men's fault. Wife cheats, guy did something that led her to do it. You can always tell where peoples sore spot is. Some scream louder than others to emphasize their injury is more substantial and therefore their stance must be correct.

Thing is, many people put on airs prior to marriage to snag the guy/girl they think will make them happiest. They had no intention of keeping up what attracted their mate so the illusions become reality. Many, many people should have never married in 1st place because they were not truely compatable.
Wow I don't know any on this site that say it is always the man's fault.

I believe whether it is the man or the woman who cheats that IF the couple are going to stay together they need to both work on the marriage. I, however, do tend to agree that cheating should lead to divorce. On the otherhand if the spouse wants to reconcile I won't beat them up with 100 posts about not reconcile and do my best to help them with the question they asked.

100% agree many people should never have married. I'll go a step further and say many people should never marry period.
 

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I think it obvious that sex is incredibly important to men. I think 99% of the male brain from age 13 on is devoted to seeking it out.... my theory is the Taliban probably invaded Afghanistan to score some babes... guys in prison are so desperate for it they turn on each other.

I think the difference in good/bad marriages is that men also need an extra helping of something called self control (might also be called self respect). If the wife turns you down and you boot up the porn to self satisfy- well that’s just a child’s response really. Ditto with grumpiness, pouting, “covert contracts”... these are all tools or traits of men lacking self control. Hey, we’ve all been there.... I’m thanking the good God I learned just enough self control that I didn’t destroy my marriage. Probably came close.

I disagree that “duty sex” leads to the destruction of marriage... it strengthens it. I think so, so, so fondly of my wife for her willingness and self sacrifice to engage me even at times when she’s not in the mood or exhausted. She’s proven her love to the point that I now try NOT to withdrawal from that “duty” account and offer her a little wine, back rub, or friendly ear in hope something evolves. Yeah, woo her... don’t pressure her. I’ve never found that talking to her about “my needs” ever did a bit of good.... she already knows.
 

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If the wife turns you down and you boot up the porn to self satisfy- well that’s just a child’s response really.
A child does as his mommy tells him, a man chooses his own path.

When I was first married to my current wife one evening she said, "I don't like sex very much, I hope we don't have to do it often"
As I walked towards the front door and picked my m/c keys up, she said "where are you going?"
My reply was, "As my wife you always get first refusal"
I was promptly dragged into the bedroom, and I've never had to say that again.

If my wife won't cook me dinner, and I don't feel in the mood to cook it myself, I'll get a take-away.
 

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I can't imagine feeling like that all the time! :eek:
My wife while getting hormone injections balanced after hystorectomy, she did not have enough and Dr told her just come back and they will give her some more. It had been a couple weeks so Dr just gave her another full dose shot.

She was in radio sales. She had to stay home for a week. All she could think about was having sex with me. She would change panties 3-4× day. We could go rounds with her being well satisfied and she was rip roaring to go again right after.

She was miserable because she was insatiable and sex was all she could think about. I noticed her appetite increase but she did not tell me about not going in to work(makes her own schedule) until month later. I was disappointed, i would have taken the week off work had i known and would have never left the BR but for food.

I told her welcome to being a young man but her week is an ongoing reality for men from age of 14 up.
 

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There are plenty of men who don't want sex...and even go through hormonal changes - ever see a man with low Testosterone and high Estrogen...?? YIKES!!!!
BTDT.... why i give myself injections 2x week. As i tell those in that condition...you can have the years playmates in your living room naked and your more concerned with them blocking the TV.

What is sad and pathetic is typically all hormonal related LD is fixable but the person does not care enough for their spouse to get it corrected.
 

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Wow I don't know any on this site that say it is always the man's fault.

I believe whether it is the man or the woman who cheats that IF the couple are going to stay together they need to both work on the marriage. I, however, do tend to agree that cheating should lead to divorce. On the otherhand if the spouse wants to reconcile I won't beat them up with 100 posts about not reconcile and do my best to help them with the question they asked.

100% agree many people should never have married. I'll go a step further and say many people should never marry period.
One comes to mind.
 

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Yes, I think most men don't know about other men with hormonal imbalances. I think talking about those problems are seen as less manly, unattractive, weak, beta, etc.

Men are very reluctant to go to the doctor, specially to talk about their penis and it's function, or lack of function. My FIL hasn't let his PCP do a prostate check because "he's not gay!" WTF?!? I don't say anything about it anymore, but he pees 1000 times a day and night. Whatever!
You tell your FIL he had better get checked, psa n finger wave yearly if he is over 50!! Prostate cancer once it escapes the capsule is usually incurable. It is a horribly painful , long way to die.

Most men are not going to discuss their sexual issues with anyone, least of all another male ( even a close friend ). They want all of their friends to think they are Casanova. My wife's best friend wanted her to ask me talk to husband about his ED problem, which he won't address. I told my wife there was no way I could do that, he would become incredibly angry at all of us.

And yes, it is ridiculous men are unwilling to address any sexual problems with all of the treatment available in this modern age.
 

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BTDT.... why i give myself injections 2x week. As i tell those in that condition...you can have the years playmates in your living room naked and your more concerned with them blocking the TV.

What is sad and pathetic is typically all hormonal related LD is fixable but the person does not care enough for their spouse to get it corrected.
Do you ever need an Estrogen blocker?

I also believe LD can be a mindset, a (selfishly) chosen mindset. In that case, hormones won't help.
 

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Yes, I think most men don't know about other men with hormonal imbalances. I think talking about those problems are seen as less manly, unattractive, weak, beta, etc.

Men are very reluctant to go to the doctor, specially to talk about their penis and it's function, or lack of function. My FIL hasn't let his PCP do a prostate check because "he's not gay!" WTF?!? I don't say anything about it anymore, but he pees 1000 times a day and night. Whatever!
Have him try Saw Palmetto...I've seen it work wonders with men who have age-related prostate issues!
 

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Even after discussing it with her and trying various things suggested here it’s still the same months later. I get home from work, we get the kid put to bed, and have alone time. And she still prefers to sit on the other side of the couch on her phone all night. She’s more married to her phone than me. The times I’ve initiated I can feel the lack of desire on her part or the “going thru the motions” or I just get turned down altogether. Then she wonders why I seem upset or act distant? It’s like she just doesn’t get it at all. It’s hard to believe that I’m married but fall asleep feeling lonelier that ever before.
 

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Discussion Starter · #359 ·
But I think it goes both ways. Most men don't understand how women feel like. It would be interesting to see men going through hormonal changes every month, or feeling like they don't want sex at all...
Thanks for this. I think it's such an important thought, especially the last "...or feeling like they don't want sex at all." There may be better ways to explore the thought and this is off the top, but can I liken the woman "feeling like they don't want sex at all" to specific examples of me doing something I don't want to do? For example, I imagine I'm already physically and mentally drained and I don't want to go outside and run for about ~20 minutes (frequency isn't the main issue here, let's just say what is average for any age particular group). In other words, something that I am capable of doing but find really disagreeable. So if it only affects me, I don't do the run. However, if I knew somehow my wife would get great pleasure from me doing the "duty" run (the physical and mental thought of which makes me go, "Argh"), and I knew it would help our marriage, I do the run (and with the best attitude I can muster at that moment).

Yes, this is a comparative oversimplification (don't have time now to concoct better examples) because sex is more complicated, but assuming this is a good marriage and so forth, I'm curious what major oversights are lacking in my thought process likening it to a woman "feeling like they don't want sex at all" and opting out? The bottom line to me still comes back to gladly giving a limited amount of time to make my partner among the happiest people on earth during that time even if I get nothing or deny that I get nothing out of it.
 

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Imma talk to my wife about dis if things start to slow down. I'm just going to refer to these as "sex" injections now.
Get a doctor who will test, diagnose and follow. Avoid these "low T" centers IMHO. This isnt something to approach lightly. Problem not necessarily from low T. In my case it certainly was. I have blood testing every 3 months.
 
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