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I'm curious about research and anecdotal responses to this question: Assuming the woman is physically able, how important is sex to a man in a relationship? I ask this question because my wife says that the guys she dated before me (we've been married over 30 years) did not have the sexual energy I have (I'm very confident that my sexual energy is the norm for a man).

I told her that the importance of sex to a man in a relationship is a primal thing. A decent man has to control his sexual energy in a loving and respectful way and truly appreciate the other facets of a relationship, but, and this was a wild guess, I told her at least 85% of healthy men with options to choose a partner think sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I told her that these kinds of men will pick a woman, realistically or not, based upon the sex or the possibility of it.

Thanks in advance for your responses.
 

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Listen to episode 98 of the Suzanne Venker podcast, a man that doesn't get any is either getting it on the side or dying inside.
With all that said, you need to continue to make yourself desirable.
 

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Why is she comparing your prowess to old sex partners that go back over 30 years? If that’s her way to get you to back off, then she’s not overly attracted to you.

How often are you having sex? If it 2 to 3 times a week, then you’re average and may need to temper yourself a bit.

The best way to improve your sex life is to make yourself more desirable. A vigorous workout regimen combined with upping your game in terms of your clothing, haircut, beard, and hygiene will get you way more results than trying than talk, do more chores, or be kinder will get you. Not that you shouldn’t do your share, be kind and considerate but those things don’t get her turned on but her noticing other women checking you out will make a difference. Do not neglect having a varied life. ( getting together with friends, hobbies, etc).
 

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Yes, it is typically important to a man.

That said, you are asking the wrong question.

The right question is, "Is sex important to me?"

It doesn't matter what is important to other men. Your wife is not married to other men; she is married to you.

If it is important to you, she can either choose to meet your needs, or not. Then you have a choice.

If she insists on using 'other relationships' to convince you that you are asking too much, you might go the cynical route.

"Many other marriages also have experienced infidelity. Should we consider that as a viable option? Or should we just focus on making each other feel special in our own relationship?"

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
 

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Why is she comparing your prowess to old sex partners that go back over 30 years? If that’s her way to get you to back off, then she’s not overly attracted to you.

How often are you having sex? If it 2 to 3 times a week, then you’re average and may need to temper yourself a bit.

The best way to improve your sex life is to make yourself more desirable. A vigorous workout regimen combined with upping your game in terms of your clothing, haircut, beard, and hygiene will get you way more results than trying than talk, do more chores, or be kinder will get you. Not that you shouldn’t do your share, be kind and considerate but those things don’t get her turned on but her noticing other women checking you out will make a difference. Do not neglect having a varied life. ( getting together with friends, hobbies, etc).
Remember, 2 to 3 times a week isn't normal for many at all. 4 to 6 times is very common.
 

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Remember, 2 to 3 times a week isn't normal for many at all. 4 to 6 times is very common.
The actual figures based on surveys are much lower than that (more like 1x). However average doesn’t matter.

For me if it’s less than 5x I am not happy and thinking about what’s going wrong and why I’m not having enough sex (for me). If I wanted twice that to quiet those thoughts that’s also fine. It doesn’t matter what is normal or common.
 

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Sex in a M or ltr is very important. Barring health issues.
Those Ms with a mutually satisfying sex life have that satisfaction bleed over into all aspects of their marriage.
 

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How often are you having sex? If it 2 to 3 times a week, then you’re average and may need to temper yourself a bit.
I'd say once a month was average for married guys over 40 years old in the UK.
I had lots of discussions with my pals, they all wanted it 2 or 3 times a week, but nobody was getting that.
 

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I'd say once a month was average for married guys over 40 years old in the UK.
I had lots of discussions with my pals, they all wanted it 2 or 3 times a week, but nobody was getting that.
I doubt it's average for men in the UK.your pals are not all men.
 

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Op, not sure you can claim to be the norm for all men sexually. Most men probably think that but there are massive differences between men and how sexual they are.
The same with women.
So your wife may be right.
 

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My perspective is that sexuality is what separates our mate from all others and makes our special someone special.

It’s what makes a marriage a marriage and what separates that’s person from friends, acquaintances, coworkers and people on the street.

Without sexuality, there is no “relationship” in my book.

Now if someone does not want to have sex with me and is not attracted to me, I understand. I understand and will comply with their wishes to not have sex.

.......but there will be no relationship and no marriage.

Cont...
 

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Cont....

Now as I said, I do understand people not being attracted to someone and understand that they may not want to have sex with them.

I also understand that people and relationships change over time and that people can lose their attraction to their partner and no longer want to have a sex life with them.

That is sad and unfortunate, but I do understand.

I also think that people have an inherent right to autonomy over their own bodies and should not be compelled to have sex that they do not want.

However I do think that many women’s resentment and animosity towards men’s sex drive and need for sexuality in relationship is misplaced.

It’s our nature. Do we resent the lion for eating the gazelle? Do we resent the cow for eating grass and pooping in the pasture? Do we resent the bear for tearing the bee hive out of the tree and eating all of their honey?

Do we resent women for wanting a mate that is tall and handsome and is financially stable and successful?

Is it fair to be resentful and bitter towards our innate nature??
 

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There are lots of things that are important in my marriage, but sex with my wife is definitely near the top. It is what makes the relationship a marriage and not just a really good friendship. The only thing I put above sex in order of importance, is fidelity. To me having sex with someone else or not having sex with me is an end to the marriage. I can overlook no sex if there is good reason, but sex with someone else is unforgivable.

@backhand I think your 85% estimate is pretty accurate. I bet it is closer to 100% if you asked is sex important vs is sex the most important thing in your marriage. I wasn't thinking about marriage at the time, but my overwhelming goal when I started dating my wife was to have sex with her. Sure I loved the company, conversations, etc., but I wanted to bed her. Of course that feeling continued into marriage and remains critically important to our relationship.

Here are a couple graphics that illustrate the importance of sex in a marriage. There is a biological aspect to the importance of sex and keeping a couple together.

High Frequency Sex "Life Cycle"



Low Frequency Sex "Life Cycle"
 
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