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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just realized the other day, when I was busy getting things done for the house, in the middle of the busy work involved in raising and sending a 9-year-old kid to school, feeling almost being overwhelmed by it, that I envisioned myself in the future. That made me re-affirm my wanting to stick to doing my best, to doing what is right and responsible, and to removing/blocking the negative feelings of overwhelm and despair.

I think in the future I will want to look at today and still be able to say that I have carried myself with diligence and utmost dignity. Taking care the kid, taking a break from my profession, just to bond closer, become a role model, and make sure I identify his needs and try to fulfill them (or plan on the best way to fulfill them), is sure a great experience. He won't stay 9 years old forever.

I am sure a lot of you in this forum agree with me. For a lot of you who have been through the storms of their lifetime and end up washing up on the shores of TAM, I think you will want to envision yourself in the future (it will be good, for sure, but either way) you want to look back and say that life can throw you the toughest challenge and you still go through it with great integrity.

Some names in TAM come to mind who I think go through a similar experience. To them, I wish god speed and fair winds ahead.
 

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I enjoy reading posts like this, where you find clarity in the midst of everything, and remind yourself of what is really important. So often, I've tried to slow myself down, and even encourage my wife to also think about how this one moment with our children will soon fade, and how its up to us to make the most of it. Thanks for the encouragement.
 

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It’s my elder son’s 40th later this month. I’ve nearly a thousand photos of him going right back to the beginning of his life. I’m in the middle of creating a video out of the photos. My plan is for him to see and re experience his growing up and maturing into the Grand Man he is today.


For me it’s a tremendously rewarding thing to do as each photo triggers a fond memory that would have been long forgotten. Sometimes I chuckle to myself and others actually generate water in my eyes such is the joy I re-experience. There’s also a sadness as well as I am no longer with his mother, my wife.



But there is one overall thing that sticks out to me. And that is just how much I missed by not being “in the moment” with him. I think at times my head was so very full of “other stuff”, mainly to do with career, paying the bills, thinking of future plans and what have you. I think my mind was so crowded and busy at times I just didn’t see what was going on around me. I think the very biggest thing was that I didn’t observe too well the emotions he was going through.


So to all you fathers here who are somewhat under pressure in their lives my biggest message to you is to be Mindful of what your children are experiencing "in the moment". Learn to observe them such that you are truly aware of what they are experiencing and live that “in the moment” with them.


For recreation my son climbs mountains, scuba dives and mountain bikes. For his birthday I’m getting a ruggedised video camera that he can put on his helmet and take with him 60m under the sea. So that he too can later re live those special moments in his life and I get to see where’s he’s been and in some way experience it with him.
 

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I think in the future I will want to look at today and still be able to say that I have carried myself with diligence and utmost dignity. Taking care the kid, taking a break from my profession, just to bond closer, become a role model, and make sure I identify his needs and try to fulfill them (or plan on the best way to fulfill them), is sure a great experience.
Without getting into the circumstances that bring you and your son to your current place, I personally feel that for a boy to have his father's direct attention and close relationship from year 9 through adulthood (and after, of course) is probably the greatest gift he could ever receive and probably the same for yourself
 

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kids grow up and leave....thats what their supost to do.....don't hamstring yourself by putting false needs ahead of real needs.


I'm not advocating being a poor father. I'm advocating that they learn alot by observing and your profession and drive to sucess is an important atribute to have.

there should be a health balance between home and work!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks, guys.

As I was telling ankh, it's been 10 month since my troubles started, so it's been a long journey. Sometime along the way, I realized that this is a new journey for me. I understand that a journey has its own unique promises, and this new journey is not unlike those I have embarked on. I said to myself (I was conversing with a friend) that I should actually gather my courage, feel excited, and look forward to the days ahead.

So, that was one of the small revelations along the way that I experienced. And the other day, in the middle of all the happenings with the kid's final exam week, I only find that there is only one choice; focus on positive aspects of life.

I hope many here will too.

kids grow up and leave....thats what their supost to do.....don't hamstring yourself by putting false needs ahead of real needs.


I'm not advocating being a poor father. I'm advocating that they learn alot by observing and your profession and drive to sucess is an important atribute to have.

there should be a health balance between home and work!
I am not advocating that everyone should become SAHD to really enjoy this bond. I am just posting that we shouldn't lose sight even in the middle of all the things that are happening. While my post may not say it explicitly (thank you for bringing this aspect to light), but there's that part of being 'a role model' that dictates that we should show it to the kid what it means to live. That includes moving on, and earning a living is included. Hey, I am preaching my originally 7-point man up list (I think it may grow to 9 now -- I will post it later). The list includes making money.

On another note, I saw it from my dad when my mother passed away (this is actually a side story to all the drama in my episode) that he picked himself up and find another woman, even at the age of 68. It didn't register that way in my mind at the time, but now *I understand*. While there's a great temptation to stay single forever, I think that may not be showing a good example in the long run. I need to show that I can fix a broken person -- myself.

The time that I am fully healed is the time that I can really move on and (maybe) don't come here too often. BUT. I will not forget you guys, and will continue to help out anyone coming to this forum.

OK, I'll see you around, and thanks guys!!
 
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