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When we talk about the effect of infidelity on children, we tend to focus on the effect of divorce.

I've always noticed the effects on the children as the infidelity is active in a marriage. This is when the cheating parent is focused on the affair instead of the family, when the spouse and children become background noise (often irritating background noise), when the entire family unit is held in contempt.

Children feel this devaluing. I've never understood the claim made by both cheating and betrayed spouses that the cheater is 'a good parent.' I simply don't believe that a parent who consistently puts his/her pleasure above time spent with/attention paid to the children is a good parent. Not to mention how painful it is for a child to see the betrayed parent in such hurt and misery.

I think this all has a huge impact on children.
YES....just ask mine...:(
 
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https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/i-was-seven-when-i-tore-my-family-apart-84002f7c1d90
I Was Seven When I Tore My Family Apart
A heartbreaking story from the child's point of view.
I'm a child raised seing my fathers affair until he started "the moving out process" whe i was 17. He cheated on my mom their entire marriage and she couldnt go looking for him (he used to travel to visit my grandma and his girlfriends were all from that city) because she had to work and raise me, bro and sis, because my fathers money went entirely for partying.

Ive started reading foruns like this one, SI or LS or even the people from the MSM (non related) when i was 19 and before and it helped me to forgive my father and understand he had a underdeveloped personality (now he had to do a lot of growing up in those years after tjeir divorce, so its easier) and by me forgiving him and treating him respectfully and talking normaly my brothers are closer to forgiving him too. I mostly dont remember anything related to it nowdays, but ometimes i trigger and come back to these foruns read everything i can until i get saturated (once a years or once every 2 years just reading, not answering).

Im really thankfull for all your stories because it helped me so much to be understanding and loving toward human problems. But I know if it wasnt for the books, foruns and a kind of catartic help throught those i would be pretty unstable, especially because my mom almost went insane, so i had to understand why and how she became like that (now im 30 and my mom simply rocks, she is way mentally better than all cheated wifes ive met, but she triggers too and she doesnt even knows what a trigger is, but i know and i understand that she is being harsh not because she isnt a good or loving mother, but because she isnt completely healed).
 

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How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
I couldn't even begin to explain it as it's not something I could ever do. I had a friend years ago who talked her husband into 6 children...he wanted one. When the youngest was 2, she decided she was tired of the whole motherhood thing and moved out. Her children hate her now. When I knew her she prided herself on being the world's best mother. I still don't get it.
 

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https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/i-was-seven-when-i-tore-my-family-apart-84002f7c1d90
I Was Seven When I Tore My Family Apart
A heartbreaking story from the child's point of view.

Me, bro and sis were lucky because we didnt need our father financially, because our mother steped up and covered everything thats was basic and some more while karma bus hitted my father so HARD financially that years later (when they finally divorced for real) he even tried to ask for alimony from her.

But the harder part to forgive my father for was the emotional destruction he left behind while he went to live his whatever. My mother was mentally and emotionally instable, would blow for no reason and accuse us of doing things we didnt do, even wake me to slap me and stuff like that. So we were completely deprived of a father and mostly deprived of a mother, and we had no mental/emotional estability at home, and NEVER silence at home for so long that both bro and sis are insecure at everything and anything and have anxiety phases and stuff. I always had to deal with the worst part as i was older, but i always had this introspection to observe and read and rationalize everything, something they dont have, making it harder for them to understand.

My fathers self-love, egoism and lack of empathy cheating mom for almost 2 decades messed part of us 4 that we had and still have to deal and rebuid (or build even better).
 

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It's too damned bad that most adulterers tend to think with their crotches instead of with their cranium!

Their children, more often than not, are simply the unwitting victims of infidelity's clutches!
 

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There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
I could never ever have left my children no matter what. Parents can be so completely selfish. :crying:
 

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There is a growing trend among women these days, .....

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
It should, but society is reprograming women and men. Look at how acceptable abortion became. Destroying a baby would be the biggest horror I could imagine. Now you have States that have past laws to allow post birth infanticide under the code name abortion.

The times have changed.
 

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Me, bro and sis were lucky because we didnt need our father financially, because our mother steped up and covered everything thats was basic and some more while karma bus hitted my father so HARD financially that years later (when they finally divorced for real) he even tried to ask for alimony from her.

But the harder part to forgive my father for was the emotional destruction he left behind while he went to live his whatever. My mother was mentally and emotionally instable, would blow for no reason and accuse us of doing things we didnt do, even wake me to slap me and stuff like that. So we were completely deprived of a father and mostly deprived of a mother, and we had no mental/emotional estability at home, and NEVER silence at home for so long that both bro and sis are insecure at everything and anything and have anxiety phases and stuff. I always had to deal with the worst part as i was older, but i always had this introspection to observe and read and rationalize everything, something they dont have, making it harder for them to understand.

My fathers self-love, egoism and lack of empathy cheating mom for almost 2 decades messed part of us 4 that we had and still have to deal and rebuid (or build even better).
You say you've forgiven your father. Has he changed and taken responsibility for what he did to all of you?
 

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Me, bro and sis were lucky because we didnt need our father financially, because our mother steped up and covered everything thats was basic and some more while karma bus hitted my father so HARD financially that years later (when they finally divorced for real) he even tried to ask for alimony from her.

But the harder part to forgive my father for was the emotional destruction he left behind while he went to live his whatever. My mother was mentally and emotionally instable, would blow for no reason and accuse us of doing things we didnt do, even wake me to slap me and stuff like that. So we were completely deprived of a father and mostly deprived of a mother, and we had no mental/emotional estability at home, and NEVER silence at home for so long that both bro and sis are insecure at everything and anything and have anxiety phases and stuff. I always had to deal with the worst part as i was older, but i always had this introspection to observe and read and rationalize everything, something they dont have, making it harder for them to understand.

My fathers self-love, egoism and lack of empathy cheating mom for almost 2 decades messed part of us 4 that we had and still have to deal and rebuid (or build even better).
You say you've forgiven your father. Has he changed and taken responsibility for what he did to all of you?
In his way he think he "almost" have: he made a complete bedroom for us in his new house with the last lover (the one he married), but my forgiveness is independent of anything. He has "grown up" because now he has way more empathy and learned to be responsible by himself (my mother was almost like his mother).
 

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Me, bro and sis were lucky because we didnt need our father financially, because our mother steped up and covered everything thats was basic and some more while karma bus hitted my father so HARD financially that years later (when they finally divorced for real) he even tried to ask for alimony from her.

But the harder part to forgive my father for was the emotional destruction he left behind while he went to live his whatever. My mother was mentally and emotionally instable, would blow for no reason and accuse us of doing things we didnt do, even wake me to slap me and stuff like that. So we were completely deprived of a father and mostly deprived of a mother, and we had no mental/emotional estability at home, and NEVER silence at home for so long that both bro and sis are insecure at everything and anything and have anxiety phases and stuff. I always had to deal with the worst part as i was older, but i always had this introspection to observe and read and rationalize everything, something they dont have, making it harder for them to understand.

My fathers self-love, egoism and lack of empathy cheating mom for almost 2 decades messed part of us 4 that we had and still have to deal and rebuid (or build even better).
You say you've forgiven your father. Has he changed and taken responsibility for what he did to all of you?
@alte Dame

But no, I dont think he will ever be able to admit and understand the whole destruction he left behind, both for lacking of lack of inteligence and lack of emotional courage to face it.
 

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I'm a child raised seing my fathers affair until he started "the moving out process" whe i was 17. He cheated on my mom their entire marriage and she couldnt go looking for him (he used to travel to visit my grandma and his girlfriends were all from that city) because she had to work and raise me, bro and sis, because my fathers money went entirely for partying.

Ive started reading foruns like this one, SI or LS or even the people from the MSM (non related) when i was 19 and before and it helped me to forgive my father and understand he had a underdeveloped personality (now he had to do a lot of growing up in those years after tjeir divorce, so its easier) and by me forgiving him and treating him respectfully and talking normaly my brothers are closer to forgiving him too. I mostly dont remember anything related to it nowdays, but ometimes i trigger and come back to these foruns read everything i can until i get saturated (once a years or once every 2 years just reading, not answering).

Im really thankfull for all your stories because it helped me so much to be understanding and loving toward human problems. But I know if it wasnt for the books, foruns and a kind of catartic help throught those i would be pretty unstable, especially because my mom almost went insane, so i had to understand why and how she became like that (now im 30 and my mom simply rocks, she is way mentally better than all cheated wifes ive met, but she triggers too and she doesnt even knows what a trigger is, but i know and i understand that she is being harsh not because she isnt a good or loving mother, but because she isnt completely healed).
(((moon7)))
 

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I'm a child raised seing my fathers affair until he started "the moving out process" whe i was 17. He cheated on my mom their entire marriage and she couldnt go looking for him (he used to travel to visit my grandma and his girlfriends were all from that city) because she had to work and raise me, bro and sis, because my fathers money went entirely for partying.

Ive started reading foruns like this one, SI or LS or even the people from the MSM (non related) when i was 19 and before and it helped me to forgive my father and understand he had a underdeveloped personality (now he had to do a lot of growing up in those years after tjeir divorce, so its easier) and by me forgiving him and treating him respectfully and talking normaly my brothers are closer to forgiving him too. I mostly dont remember anything related to it nowdays, but ometimes i trigger and come back to these foruns read everything i can until i get saturated (once a years or once every 2 years just reading, not answering).

Im really thankfull for all your stories because it helped me so much to be understanding and loving toward human problems. But I know if it wasnt for the books, foruns and a kind of catartic help throught those i would be pretty unstable, especially because my mom almost went insane, so i had to understand why and how she became like that (now im 30 and my mom simply rocks, she is way mentally better than all cheated wifes ive met, but she triggers too and she doesnt even knows what a trigger is, but i know and i understand that she is being harsh not because she isnt a good or loving mother, but because she isnt completely healed).
(((moon7)))
? @NextTimeAround
 
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