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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Is herpes a deal breaker for you?

Let's say you've been getting to know somebody, everything is great, green flags all over the place, and right when you feel comfortable opening up and sharing some of your baggage, they tell you that they have an STD.

Obviously they care enough to tell you, it says a lot about their character. It was probably a terrifying experience to share something that personal, risking judgment and rejection.

Would you move on, is that too much to risk; or would you give the person a fair shot?

[edit...]
Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?
 

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Do you know the difference between love and herpes?







Herpes lasts forever!!



Ah the old jokes, it's important to get them out and give them some exercise now and again......



In reply, I think that many people have simplex 1, the oral herpes related to cold sores, and that's no big deal and actually protects you against simplex 2. However, a potential partner with genital herpes, forget it, I'm out of there.......
 

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I wouldn't be with them most likely.

I also wouldn't have waited so long as to become emotionally attached before discussing such a topic in a open way.
 
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It would be a deal breaker for me. Condoms don't always prevent getting it (as the area around the penis is touching you too) and it's just not worth it IMO but then the sex part for me would happen during the getting to know each other stage so it wouldn't be a "love" or commitment situation yet so easy enough to walk away and start over with someone else.

The best bet may be to find another woman who already has it, I think there are even dating sites for that.
 

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Is herpes a deal breaker for you?

Let's say you've been getting to know somebody, everything is great, green flags all over the place, and right when you feel comfortable opening up and sharing some of your baggage, they tell you that they have an STD.

Obviously they care enough to tell you, it says a lot about their character. It was probably a terrifying experience to share something that personal, risking judgment and rejection.

Would you move on, is that too much to risk; or would you give the person a fair shot?
Too much risk. Get out now.
 

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Wow, I feel like there's something about herpes that I'm missing here?

I guess I'm thinking that I'm in love with this person; and haven't had sex yet.

I had sex quickly with people when I was young. Never again, if I can help it.

So,yeah, this would be taking place in the context of a longer period, where I had gotten attached to the person; and it wouldn't occur to me to break it off because they had herpes.

Of course, you never know until you're in that situation. Maybe I'd bail.:confused:

@gouge_away if it's not too intrusive, are you in the situation of having to reject someone because of this issue?
See, even if I'm waiting to actually have sex, we'd have had these kinds of conversations in the first few dates to determine compatibility.

So I wouldn't be that attached, if he waited a long time to tell me something like that, I would be upset that he kept it from me so in that case he'd still be gone.

For me that's the kind of things that comes up sometime between "have you ever been married?" and "Do you like cats?" I don't need to know # of partners or specifics but anything that would affect me (STDs, sexual deal breakers, views on sex in general, etc) needs to be all out on the table before things get serious.
 

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I'd move on. What happens if you decide to give things a shot, you catch herpes, and the relationship doesn't work out? Now you are on the other end, having to explain to future partners that you have herpes and hoping they don't walk away (or hope they have as well). IMO there is too much crap out there and too much risk to not exercise caution, no matter what your hormones are telling you to do. I think I saw a news article that there is fear that gonorrhea will become drug resistant.
 

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If they got herpes from their WS, then it would be really sad if that cheating meant they were never, ever able to have another relationship ever again.

Of course, that's not our problem, but even so...
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Wow, I feel like there's something about herpes that I'm missing here?

I guess I'm thinking that I'm in love with this person; and haven't had sex yet.

I had sex quickly with people when I was young. Never again, if I can help it.

So,yeah, this would be taking place in the context of a longer period, where I had gotten attached to the person; and it wouldn't occur to me to break it off because they had herpes.

Of course, you never know until you're in that situation. Maybe I'd bail.:confused:

@gouge_away if it's not too intrusive, are you in the situation of having to reject someone because of this issue?
I think the problem is you're risking your own health permanently for a love you have no idea will last the same length. So you may then become the single person with herpes. Seems way to risky for me which is why it's a deal breaker.
 

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If they got herpes from their WS, then it would be really sad if that cheating meant they were never, ever able to have another relationship ever again.

Of course, that's not our problem, but even so...
Posted via Mobile Device
There are millions of people who have it, finding another partner who already does too wouldn't be that hard.
Top 10 Herpes Dating Sites 2015: Editor & User Reviews
^ tons of people who are looking for a partner :)

(now let's hope my H doesn't snoop and wonder why I googled dating sites for people with herpes LOL)
 

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Other Health Problems Caused by Herpes Simplex Virus-Topic Overview


I just looked this up really quick, 'cause now I'm curious.

A lot to consider, if you were in this situation.

There is that medicine (Valtrex?), to prevent/minimize outbreaks.

Like MattMatt said, how awful for a really good person, who got this 'cause a previous partner gave it to them; by either cheating, or not telling them they had it.
Did you do an image search? One time of having those on my vulva or anus is one time too many.
There are ways to be safe and some couples can manage to not infect their partner but it's just too much risk for too little reward.
I also would not sleep with a partner who was HIV+ even though there are ways to protect against that too. Just too much risk for me.

Now if a partner I was already committed to and in love with contracted it in a way that wasn't cheating or lying about it (don't know of any examples of that, rape maybe?) I would risk it to maintain a healthy sex life and relationship. But a new guy? No way.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Many people have it without even knowing it. Sometimes they don't even find out until their partner or past partners shows symptoms.

Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?
 

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Many people have it without even knowing it. Sometimes they don't even find out until their partner or past partners shows symptoms.

Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?
This.
Most standard STD testing does not include HSV2 testing. I found this out recently. It has to specifically be requested by the person and the doctor. Why is this? Because there is such a high occurrence of it - 1 in 4 women carry it, 1 in 5 men - and the affects are so minimal that the health care industry does not think its "important" enough to test for. The majority of people never show a symptom or have an outbreak.

So if someone says they've been tested (for example, if they're military and insist they were STD tested every year) they likely were NOT tested for HSV1 or HSV2.
 

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Is herpes a deal breaker for you?

Let's say you've been getting to know somebody, everything is great, green flags all over the place, and right when you feel comfortable opening up and sharing some of your baggage, they tell you that they have an STD.

Obviously they care enough to tell you, it says a lot about their character. It was probably a terrifying experience to share something that personal, risking judgment and rejection.

Would you move on, is that too much to risk; or would you give the person a fair shot?

[edit...]
Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?
The relationship is all that matters, in my opinion. They don't have to wear the mask of their past self unless we place it on them. They might have been cheated on and contracted a disease in that manner. Who knows?

I think it is acceptable for both partners to agree to STD testing before they become sexually active, but I've never gone this route. As others indicate, many individuals in the world have some form of herpes, whether it has visual signs or not. I don't want to eliminate most of the dating pool based on some preconceived insecurity I had.

Great people, or great matches, are too hard to find. Is it really worth ruining a great thing over some bumps? JMO

Relationship Teacher
 

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I would ask for an STD test prior to becoming sexual with them.

I would ask about their STD history prior to getting too deeply involved emotionally. Generally HSV-2 is not a terrible disease, but some people do have a bad time with it. I don't want to be one of those people, and it is not worth the risk to me. So I'd not continue the relationship with a woman who is HSV-2 positive.

HSV-1 is just the cold sore version which many or even most adults have. No big deal.

If you get an HSV test, be sure it is one which differentiates between the two types.
 

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If they got herpes from their WS, then it would be really sad if that cheating meant they were never, ever able to have another relationship ever again.

Of course, that's not our problem, but even so...
Sure they can have another relationship, with someone else who has herpes.

There are even dating sites for people who already have herpes. Just looked it up.
 
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