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82 Posts
Hello everyone. I new to the board in the sense that this is my first post. I am old to the board in the sense that I have been reading it all the time since my wife left 4 months ago. You guys have taught me a lot. THANK YOU!
I haven't posted before because I didn't feel that I had enough experience with separation to be able to help anyone else. I think I am now at a place where I can give some insight. I look forward to contributing...
Now, to my situation. I really need some advice here: My wife left me about 4 months ago. We really only fought over 2 issues before she left: I said she spent too much time with her mother, she said I drank too much. She kept spending time with her mother (mother is often depressed and puts massive amounts of pressure on my wife during those periods). I would say my wife spent around 4 nights a week sometimes at her mom's house (which is nearby). Not sleeping there, but getting home around 9-10. I would become angry/bored and drink. Cycle repeated for about 6 months, then she left. Being honest I would say that I would take about 60% of the blame. I shouldn't have been drinking like I was. I would give her only 40% because she honestly tried to make the time we did spend together special. I really do fault her though for not listening to me about why I was so upset.
Well, I've done the 180, loved it. Work out now. Drink very little. Been spending time with friends, etc. Feeling awesome.
Hadn't spoken with wife in about 2 months. Sweetest day arrives. She shows up at the house. Wants to go to dinner. I went. We had a blast. A few days later: My Birthday. She texts to take me out. She brings presents, balloons, we go out to eat. Had a blast. She grabs my hand on the way to the restaurant. Flirting. Brings up about 10 different things she wants to do: movies to see, places to visit, etc. I told her I was getting counseling for my drinking. She told me she was getting counseling to help her better communicate with her mom (which ironically is the person she is living with, but I think that's mostly a financial thing). She said she thought she might still want to get divorced, then about 15 minutes later she was talking about dating me over the Winter and then....who knows.
Then the day after my birthday I text to say thanks for dinner. She texts back "You're welcome." I brought up getting together to do one of the things she mentioned at dinner, she said she was busy at the moment. And that's the last I heard from here. 5 days of silence.
Now, I feel like **** again. Almost like when she first left. I enjoyed how I felt before Sweetest Day. I don't like how I feel now, but I don't want to do/say anything drastic. Is she messing with me? Confused? Just trying to let me down nicely? Man, marriage/separation is a GRIND!
I haven't posted before because I didn't feel that I had enough experience with separation to be able to help anyone else. I think I am now at a place where I can give some insight. I look forward to contributing...
Now, to my situation. I really need some advice here: My wife left me about 4 months ago. We really only fought over 2 issues before she left: I said she spent too much time with her mother, she said I drank too much. She kept spending time with her mother (mother is often depressed and puts massive amounts of pressure on my wife during those periods). I would say my wife spent around 4 nights a week sometimes at her mom's house (which is nearby). Not sleeping there, but getting home around 9-10. I would become angry/bored and drink. Cycle repeated for about 6 months, then she left. Being honest I would say that I would take about 60% of the blame. I shouldn't have been drinking like I was. I would give her only 40% because she honestly tried to make the time we did spend together special. I really do fault her though for not listening to me about why I was so upset.
Well, I've done the 180, loved it. Work out now. Drink very little. Been spending time with friends, etc. Feeling awesome.
Hadn't spoken with wife in about 2 months. Sweetest day arrives. She shows up at the house. Wants to go to dinner. I went. We had a blast. A few days later: My Birthday. She texts to take me out. She brings presents, balloons, we go out to eat. Had a blast. She grabs my hand on the way to the restaurant. Flirting. Brings up about 10 different things she wants to do: movies to see, places to visit, etc. I told her I was getting counseling for my drinking. She told me she was getting counseling to help her better communicate with her mom (which ironically is the person she is living with, but I think that's mostly a financial thing). She said she thought she might still want to get divorced, then about 15 minutes later she was talking about dating me over the Winter and then....who knows.
Then the day after my birthday I text to say thanks for dinner. She texts back "You're welcome." I brought up getting together to do one of the things she mentioned at dinner, she said she was busy at the moment. And that's the last I heard from here. 5 days of silence.
Now, I feel like **** again. Almost like when she first left. I enjoyed how I felt before Sweetest Day. I don't like how I feel now, but I don't want to do/say anything drastic. Is she messing with me? Confused? Just trying to let me down nicely? Man, marriage/separation is a GRIND!
