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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The background on this:

The Charade

If you read my first two or three posts on the above thread you will know enough to understand this post.

I pulled the plug. Finally.

As those of you that have been following my story know, this has been a long time coming and well planned out. My financial position came to the point that I wanted it to be before I could end it.

I didn't just come right out and say, "You have to go now." I did something that I knew would cause her to want to leave. Something I have wanted to do for a long time but put off. Before the affair I didn't even consider it because I wanted to be with her, loved her so much that I was willing to give this up.

After DDay I put it off because I couldn't afford to have her leave me. Plus I didn't want to have my kids half time and have them exposed to whatever creep she would hook up with. My kids are in their late teens now and I also have paid down my alimony obligation to the point that I could pay her off in one lump sum. I had enough equity in my house that I refinanced (at a fantastic interest rate) and put the money aside so that I can make that lump sum payment as soon as it is needed.

I had run the numbers and could see my ability to do this was coming up, about two years ago. I did send signals to her that I would do this for more than two years. Even so, I'm sure she never thought I would do it. She thought she still had some level of control over my decision regarding this matter. She thought I still loved her enough. Guess again.

When I did it she was in complete shock. Furious. Also sad, crying, begging me not to do it. I hate to admit that part of me really enjoyed that.

I did get closure. Since I knew it was coming, I got to really say goodbye, in my own way. One last weekend morning in bed, being lazy and happy in the Charade. Only I knew it was the last time. So, well, I cherished it. Right up till the moment I got out of bed that morning. As soon as I stood up, I quickly got dressed and then I told her I had to leave for an appointment and why. Then I quickly left. With tears in my eyes actually. I am crying again now as I write this.

This part chills my bones. I had no control over exactly when this day would come. I just knew it would be within the few months before or after today. Then when it happened, it was the anniversary of our first date! To the exact day! I'm not religious but talk about a sign from god. Wow.

The anniversary of our first date was a day that I was sappy enough to have always remembered and she never did. Red flag ya think? I stopped observing that day after her affair and she never even noticed. I tested this one year by reviving the tradition of recognizing the day. The next year, she again had no idea it was our anniversary.

I'm not going to pretend that it still doesn't hurt like a death in the family. It's been coming for a long time though, so it's not like, hit by a bus, more like cirrhosis of the liver. It still hurts. A lot.

I'm also scared.

The unknown.

Good times. Not.


 

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Sorry man but she ended your marriage when she stepped out on you. I could have never had the patience to go through what you’ve done.

You’ll be fine long term. Everyone is afraid of the unknown.

if you truly want to move forward cut all contact. If not you will keep yourself in this.
 

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Congratulations!!!
You stuck to your plan for a very long time so that you could have the kids and enjoy your live-in toy.

you should be proud of yourself.

I hope that your cheating wife now begins to understand just a fraction of the pain she caused you. And I hope that Mr. Scumbag Dentist is either hit by Karma or some well thought out revenge plan on him as well.
How are the kids dealing with this?

stay strong and keep moving forward
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
While I know this is a difficult time for you, YOU need this so that you can move on with your life. Remember YOU didn't cause this -- she did.
When is she moving out?
No date set. I'm letting her have time to get settled. I don't want this to end up with us trying to damage each other. We could both do some damage to the other and both are known to have the propensity to do that when provoked. It is best for me to keep this as amicable as possible.

We actually went on a date tonight. To a nice restaurant. Might make love later.

I know this is weird.

And I hope that Mr. Scumbag Dentist is either hit by Karma or some well thought out revenge plan on him as well.
How are the kids dealing with this?
Yes, Dr, Scumbag is in for a whole new level of hurt in the very near future. :) Well planned out and just waiting to pull the trigger.

The kids, well they have been urging me to do this for years. They can't believe it has taken so long. You always hear stories from kids in this situation who say they wish their parents had not "Stayed together for the kids." Believe it. It is so true. They wanted us to separate years ago. It was us, the ex and me, we didn't want to lose them half the time. It was our decision, not theirs. If it was up to them we would have done this years ago.

"I did something that I knew would cause her to want to leave."

Could you clarify? :)
It would be too identifying. Not supposed to say things here that identify you IRL.
 

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I'm a little confused. You said you did something that would make your wife leave. Did it work? Does she want to separate/divorce now? Have you told her that is what you are planning?
 

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Whatever he did didn't work because she's still there and they're dating. This is the weirdest situation I have ever read about.

Just hoping his kids aren't scarred for life because their parents insisted on exposing them to their BS.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I'm a little confused. You said you did something that would make your wife leave. Did it work? Does she want to separate/divorce now? Have you told her that is what you are planning?
She is looking for an apartment. She wants this now, yes. She is seriously looking. I'm sure she will be out before school starts in the fall. It may even be as soon as two weeks from now. That is possible.

Until then, why not be friends and lovers? Blondilocks that can't give up chocolate. Giving up your best friend is a lot harder than giving up chocolate. We are still best friends but of course that is coming to an end. It is hard and sad.

All kids that have a parent that committed adultery are scarred for life. All kids who's parents divorced while they were a family (not too young to understand or too old care) are scarred for life. My ex's mother had an affair when she was nine and then five years later divorced. Double the damage. Ironic, our oldest child was 9 years old when my wife started her affair.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Just to put a period on the end of this sentence, will you be telling us anything about what you did?
I hope this is the last time I have to do this for this thread but from past experience, I doubt it will be.

The specifics don't matter and would be like posting my DOB and SS#. Any one that wants to do that please, do it. I'm not going to follow.



Interesting dynamic: I've known this was coming for a long time of course. She should have known but surprisingly did not. She thought there was still a chance for reconciliation.

I kept finding her quietly crying by herself. Trying not to let me see. Now she walks around with tears in her eyes, not able to hide it. I accidentally heard her talking to a friend on her phone saying, "I've lost my husband!" She tells me with tears in her eyes, she wishes she could go back in time and change it all. Expresses regrets like never before.

I know the first reaction to this from this forum will be that she is being manipulative. Trying to get me to change my mind and take her back, give her another chance.

No, that is not it. This is genuine regret. What I did is irreversible. She isn't hoping for a change of heart on my part. That would not fix it. It is really over.

We just both regret this. I regret her affair that killed our marriage. She regrets that I didn't give her a second chance.

Sadness all around. I keep thinking, "Death in the family" is the best analogy.
 

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I feel sad about this. I kind of thought you still loved her. I don't understand why your children would wish for a broken home. No more sand castles on the beach I guess. I think the "charade" might be better for a lot of couples than what they end up doing (R). What could possibly be irreversable? (Guess: you married or got engaged someone else?)
 
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