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Discussion Starter #1
This morning I get a call from the EX.
Of course I know that it must have something to do with money, for it seems I am just a walking Cheque Book.
The Dog she lives with, which we adopted from a friend of ours when she moved to a place that wouldn't accept canines, is sick and requiring surgery.

A plea then ensued for me to help her with the $1500.00 the VET wanted up front to perform the emergency surgery. Total cost: $3000.00.

The EX, who by the way owes me still going back to January for her ends and also for our daughter's birthday gift and my son's hockey and his camp fees...etc., then goes on to ask me to help her out.

When I say no, that the money I have been budgeting to have to help our kids and myself is not going to be blown on a dog, that I don't have an animal rescue budget..sorry, I get a line about my commitment to the dog!

Ok, so the dog: does not live with me, and it was discussed that since we are trying to sell the house maybe she should let the dog go to avoid dog-stench, hair and scratches on the hardwood to which the EX said NO to...is NOT my dog.

I am a cat person...why? Cuz if they die or get sick and die, I get another one. I don't spend more than $500.00 for a vet on a pet. My last cat lived 19 years on the cheapest ****ty food I could find, had two vaccinations in his life.

Do I like the dog, sure, feel bad about her suffering..yes. but I resent the attitude that since I once lived in my home with the dog and the EX that I now have some requirement to spend anything to maybe save this animal from death. I got my own problems, finances ear-marked for vehicle maintenance, kids education, vacations, taxes are not going to trickle into someone else's dog.

Divorce, separation...there is a line drawn at the behest of one partner at a point...this line divides us forever. By law in Canada I owe her spousal, negotiable in an agreement, and I have a requirment to feed, house and cloth my children.
I pay. And then...I pay more. With no mind towards repayment since I know it won't be forthcoming for extras for the kids, and the fact that the EX has no respect for money or financing agreements - formal or otherwise....

But a dog? Why call me? Oh, right...because I am a walking Cheque Book...That and the fact that her a-bottle-a-day of wine budget doesn't allow her to save for rainy days???

Where is the line, where is the divide? I am compassionate, but my family has long roots in Canada..we don't spend family finances on a sick dog...there are lots of puppies and dogs at the SPCA waiting to take the sick dog's place. We have priorities for the humans first, starting with our kids.

Vent complete.
 

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How do the kids feel about the dog?

I can understand your feelings about your ex, and they are probably valid, but a dog TO ME is a family member. I would do anything for mine.

I know you don't live with and aren't attached to it... Perhaps you can help her come up with an alternative solution? (She gets a loan elsewhere, or agrees to repay a loan from you? In writing? Family? Does she work at all??) Just throwing out some ideas.

I hope things work out for everyone in the long run. Especially the dog. :)
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What about the friend you guys adopted the dog from?? Is that person willing to help save it's life??

Some more questions... What is the age of the dog? What exactly does it need surgery for? Has your ex shopped around for possibly a cheaper vet? (I know they aren't cheap - but just an idea)...
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As a dog rescue person and doggy foster mom I full understand your point of view. I can't honestly say I'd be able to spend 3k on a sick dog.I adore my rescue dog but unless her recovery was guaranteed 100% I doubt I'd shell out the money to save her because of all the uncertainty and possibility of premature death related to the illness.

Also there's the matter of how much do you really want this animal suffer?Putting it down might be the most caring thing to do depending on the illness.

You are also right that there are thousands of shelter dogs waiting for a home.But I'd recommend that your ex doesn't adopt them if she doesn't have the money to care for them on her own without asking you for hand outs.
 

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I have a limit too on what I will spend to save a pet. Saving the dog might even add to its suffering, it sounds like an expensive rescue and it might end up being a failed one at that.

I adopted a slightly older dog and have a limit on surgery, which I would only expend for a surgery for a condition that could be expected to be cured, vs. abated. My limit is probably $400. At this point, my dog is 9 and has had a decent life. She was a rescue dog. She's not going to get dental cleaning surgery or anything like that. If she gets sick I'll have her put down if the vet who manages the adoption agency isn't willing to accept my limit as payment. I probably would not get another dog. I love dogs, but I really cannot afford a younger dog for whom life-saving surgery might be of benefit. But I'm okay with putting down a very sick or older dog.

I worked in an animal shelter when I was younger, in a metropolitan area. So I think I developed a different sense of animal husbandry when it comes to pets. If it's not a valuable working dog or other animal with specific training, I'll admit to having a stiff upper lip. I also lived in third world country and impoverished areas of the US, so for me $500 is a lot of money.

It sounds like maybe the kind thing to do is to say no, which is what you're already doing. You'd have my full support, which I think is what you might be looking for with your post.
 

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Animals die, the children will accept this, if you have animals they really do need to be insured, i have been guilty for paying out large vet bills for horses (intussusception/fractured knee) 50/50 chances, i am talking large amounts of £££'s but i wouldn't do it again.

To OP i think it is wrong of your EX wife to ask, she needs to be responsible.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Well, got news from the kids, the dog went under the knife and is seemingly recovering well.

Not sure how the EX paid for this, perhaps the original owner and her EX came up with the cash or a combination. I certainly know that my EX couldn't afford it so some benevolant soul reached out. Good news for the Pup. She is a very good dog.

The kids: my kids are amazing. Their worldview is incredible and they have such a huge amount of inner strength. They were prepared without misgivings for the worst, they accept the Circle of Life ( thanks Lion King!! ) and know all too well that Death is a much a part of Life as anything else. I admire them and know they willdo well with their maturity for these kinds of things.

I agree with the comment that a pet is a member of the family, but I don't beleive that the dog is a member of MY family anymore. Certainly she is and always will be a great friend to me, have known that dog since she was a puppy and she loves me and treats me like her owner.

But my point of posting here was to bring up the issue of Separation and Divorce, how those words have meaning in real life, where the divide occurs. To me it's black and white: you move out to save the family from stress, you try to reconcile to be told that you are not loved anymore, you accept painfully the rejection and accept that life moves on. From therein, two familys emerge, each former spouse has a reality and the there are and MUST be boundaries between them. It's not my problem anymore, my EX had her chance to work with me so that I could continue to care for her and provide her suppport...her decison on this was, ..." Final."

Simply because something happens within one family does not to me mean that the former spouse must rush in to save the day due to some suggestion of requirement or ownership. Unless of course its about the kids. God knows it well enough that my EX wouldn't help me cross the street unless I was strapped to her back!

Beyond anything related to the kids: I have nothing to do nor do I have any requirement to have any ownership of anything in my EX's realm of life. If there is something required, then put it in the Separation Agreement and let the lawyers review and advise. Good luck with anything beyond that which is stipulated in legislation.

So the Dog is fine. My EX dealt with it on her own. The kids are happy. And I am $3000.00 wealthier for it!! I only hope the EX know will understand: I am not her friend, not her bank, not her go to for anything beyond the two kids we share custody for.

PS. I really do like Dogs, they just are way too much heartache for me to deal with...they never seem to die well and they shoud really be out on a farm somewhere chasing rabbits if you ask me....
 
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