[shecheatedVA]

If you saw my earlier post, I recently found out my wife (then my girlfriend) cheated on me. This was 15 years ago in college but she confessed a few months ago. I also indicated that I wanted the details. Some of you warned me but I had to know so I could minimize the mental movies playing out.

Unfortunately some of the information is worst than I had imagined and some other things aren't so bad. As I mentioned earlier, she confessed to having sex (actual intercourse 2x) and attempted once more but he couldn't get it up.

From what she describes of the sex, she said it was forgetful. He basically got on top and thrusted for 10 minutes and then busted. When I asked about the size of his c0ck she actually laughed and said it was quite small. That mine was much bigger.

Evidently his special talent was giving oral which during that time and age, we didn't do much of. She said that she came once when he did oral on her. I, as a fool, asked on a scale of 1-10 the intensity, and she said 7. She said it wasn't something we did and he was really good at it. My gut about dropped. I just imagine her laid up on the bed exploding with a mind numbing body shaking O.

I can't get that image out of my head. I've spend the better part of 2 hours obsessing and replaying it over and over and over again! WTF is wrong with me. I know it doesn't do me any good but I can't help myself. A couple times I thought I was going to puke thinking about it.

I guess you better be careful of what you ask and be ready to handle it. How do you go about getting this out of your head. How will I ever be able to go down on her and not think about this!!!?

 

[the guy]

THink about what? That you want to be better then POS Om and work it? Or think about what this POS OM can do and you can't? Come on man don't let this POS win and get down there a trace the alphapit out with your tonge...she'l love it.

My point is...change your technique and kick OM butt and be a better licker then him...get it?

Your letting this POS dictate your life..phuck him and and be the better man in all aspects including emotionally, physically, and sexually.

screw him besides yours is bigger then his, so you got that going.

 

[aug]

I'm slightly surprised that she can remember the details.

 

[lovelygirl]

I'm slightly surprised that she can remember the details.

Apparently they were unforgettable for her too, contrary to what she says.

 

[larry.gray]

Much of a woman getting off that way involves herself letting herself go when you're doing that. Tell her that a big part of you getting past this is being the best at that too. Ask her to both let you know what she likes and let herself go and enjoy it freely when you do.

See if she'll go along.

 

[MattMatt]

Now, this is exactly why I wanted no details of my wife's affair, thank you very much.

 

[Shaggy]

PErhaps the way to deal with it is to tell you wife that she better have enjoyed the oral he gave her because you will never from this day forward give that to her. She threw that away when she cheated with him.

Oral is forever off the table for her.

 

[theroad]

PErhaps the way to deal with it is to tell you wife that she better have enjoyed the oral he gave her because you will never from this day forward give that to her. She threw that away when she cheated with him.

Oral is forever off the table for her.

That is not the way to heal.

Google how to do a good job down there and give WW better.

 

[theroad]

Now, this is exactly why I wanted no details of my wife's affair, thank you very much.

This is why the BH gets to control what questions get asked.

The level of detail needed is different for each BH.

 

[working_together]

PErhaps the way to deal with it is to tell you wife that she better have enjoyed the oral he gave her because you will never from this day forward give that to her. She threw that away when she cheated with him.

Oral is forever off the table for her.

Wow, are you kidding??? that's big time punishment, why not work on the issues, he needs help getting over the images.

 

[working_together]

It doesn't sound like the sex your wife and OM had was all that great, and she only rated oral as a 7, that's not really all that high. If a woman is really enjoying that aspect of sex, it would be around a 9 or 10, there really isn't a low score for oral, either it's good or it sucks.

I still don't get why people want the details, and yet I can understand that some need it to move past all the mind movies they have. But, then once they have the details, they obsess about those details just as much as they ran those movies over and over.....not much difference really. blah

 

[theroad]

Unfortunately some of the information is worst than I had imagined and some other things aren't so bad.

When I asked about the size of his c0ck she actually laughed and said it was quite small. That mine was much bigger.

Evidently his special talent was giving oral which during that time and age, we didn't do much of. She said that she came once when he did oral on her. I, as a fool, asked on a scale of 1-10 the intensity, and she said 7.

I can't get that image out of my head. I've spend the better part of 2 hours obsessing and replaying it over and over

How will I ever be able to go down on her and not think about this!!!?

Size, I think all WW's say that. Throwing the BH's a bone.

So he licked her to a 7# O. You can google and learn that knowledge.

Recovery is a 2 to 5 year process. Time will make the memories fade. I had something happen. Everytime I would have to travel by that place it would cause me to trigger. It took me 10 years to be able to drive pass there and not trigger.

Two years ago I have a new place that the thought of going there would cause me to trigger. I don't have to go there. Family likes to go there for outings. Family can go there I won't for now. Who knows for how many years till I forget.

Simple version. Thing is over 30 years ago my wife and I sep'd. We got back togther. Blame is mine that we sep'd.

Things is she had an OM during that time. At first I was trickled truthed. Every 4 years something would cause the subject of OM to come up, and not by me. Trickled truthed some more every time.

For 30 years there is been a wall between us because of her trickle truthing. Me being left with so many questions that I never got to ask has kept this wall in place.

WW won't allow any mention of back then.

So you will never rest till your questions are answered.

Time has shown me that things that you experienced/seen/heard will not haunt you forever.

They will be forgotten with time.

I will add that better to stay on one thread makes following the story easier.

You have the truth. You have kids needing you to fight through this.

 

[warlock07]

You are in the anger of the moment but realize that affairs are about lust and sex. And sex is physical pleasure..If she is cheating, why would she be doing that she does not/won't like ? Actually doing that would be much worse...

 

[Shaggy]

Wow, are you kidding??? that's big time punishment, why not work on the issues, he needs help getting over the images.

IF you read his other thread you'll see that she cheated 15 yrs ago and since then has refuse except when pressured to let him give her oral. He's asked and she's basically refused to let him go there.

She's taken it off the table, and now he's come to find out the POSOM gave her the 7th level O with it.

He's tried to be nice, my suggestion was for him to change tactics since nice wasn't working for him.

 

[Complexity]

If your wife was a virgin when you met then I can understand that the mental movies are horrible but if she wasn't......I don't see the point in obsessing over that encounter. You might as well obsesses over every guy she's been with if you want to go down that route.

 

[shazam]

If you saw my earlier post, I recently found out my wife (then my girlfriend) cheated on me. This was 15 years ago in college but she confessed a few months ago. I also indicated that I wanted the details. Some of you warned me but I had to know so I could minimize the mental movies playing out.

Unfortunately some of the information is worst than I had imagined and some other things aren't so bad. As I mentioned earlier, she confessed to having sex (actual intercourse 2x) and attempted once more but he couldn't get it up.

From what she describes of the sex, she said it was forgetful. He basically got on top and thrusted for 10 minutes and then busted. When I asked about the size of his c0ck she actually laughed and said it was quite small. That mine was much bigger.

Evidently his special talent was giving oral which during that time and age, we didn't do much of. She said that she came once when he did oral on her. I, as a fool, asked on a scale of 1-10 the intensity, and she said 7. She said it wasn't something we did and he was really good at it. My gut about dropped. I just imagine her laid up on the bed exploding with a mind numbing body shaking O.

I can't get that image out of my head. I've spend the better part of 2 hours obsessing and replaying it over and over and over again! WTF is wrong with me. I know it doesn't do me any good but I can't help myself. A couple times I thought I was going to puke thinking about it.

I guess you better be careful of what you ask and be ready to handle it. How do you go about getting this out of your head. How will I ever be able to go down on her and not think about this!!!?

I mean if she had sex with other guys before you, then this probably happened with them too. I bet a lot of married couples have experienced orgasms before meeting their spouses.

 

[shattered32]

I also indicated that I wanted the details.

I can't get that image out of my head.

I guess you better be careful of what you ask and be ready to handle it. How do you go about getting this out of your head. How will I ever be able to go down on her and not think about this!!!?

D-Day for me has barely been a week so far , and after the initial screaming and shouting died down , the first thing i wanted to know were the details as well , she resisted for a long time - said i knew what happened and why cannot i leave it that , it might not do me any good to learn specifics but my own curiosity and the support here that i was not being unreasonable and i had a right to know in got all the details out of her.

For me personally , my mind movies were worse , now that i know atleast i know - i dont need to imagine beyond that which has helped me on some levels to deal with it, yes there is still a movie but its 1 script only.

But having said that , the movie plays often enough , i try and keep it at the back and not think about it but its just too soon i think to even expect that i will be able to do that - there are too many triggers - yesterday , when my wife got home and changed and took off her shirt - i could not help but start playing the movie.

I have not asked her some of the question like you did - bigger etc , i dont expect a truthful answer on that , so even if i get one it would mean nothing , hence why bother.

The other part that tends to help as well is after she told me everything a few days later i came to the conclusion that he didn't pay her any attention , it was open up let me in ... thanks and goodbye. My wife might not realize this - she wanted love possibly , she got nothing , he got sex.......... and while many would say , rightly so , that i might be a bit biased in making this opinion (since it helps me in my head) , i am fairly sure its not.

best of luck!

 

[Chris989]

I got truthful answers - that I can handle.

It's the details I didn't ask for which still kill me.

One or 2 mind movies just won't stop.

One or 2 further reasons why our R has failed.

 

[lovelygirl]

If your wife was a virgin when you met then I can understand that the mental movies are horrible but if she wasn't......I don't see the point in obsessing over that encounter. You might as well obsesses over every guy she's been with if you want to go down that route.

Yeah but all the guys in the past are supposed to not be as important as her actual guy [husband]. Everyone before her husband usually means they were less.

The OM is different. She humiliated/ignored/lied to her husband during the affair. and she did it ONLY because of the OM.
So he [OM] must have had a different impact on her, unlike the rest of the guys [including her husband].

I guess the affair partner will be unforgettable, no matter how many other partners the WS had before the BS.

 

[shattered32]

Yeah but all the guys in the past are supposed to not be as important as her actual guy [husband]. Everyone before her husband usually means they were less.

I have to agree strongly with you on this - both me and my wife had partners before we started seeing each other and got married but - once we were together , that did not matter.