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I refrain from posting my story since it really is like many of the others here. But I do notice one HUGH Trend on this forum and that is to put spyware on computers / smart phones and use Voice Activated Recorders ( VAR ) in the cheaters car, home, work place or purse and suck down the contents of a phone or a SIM Card.

The GIANT problem is this sort of stuff is ILLEGAL in just about every state within the United States.

I will speak about NY for example. It is a one party state as far as recording go. So that means I can record a conversation between me and you and not tell you. BUT I cannot record a conversation between you and someone else. That is wiretapping. Even with real life wiretaps you cannot listen to a conversation that is not related to the crime. So if I am listening to a Drugs dealers phone calls I only listen in long enough to determine if the call is about drugs or personal. So if the Drug Dealers mom calls up and we know she is not involved, we cannot listen in on when he might be coming home for dinner or to hear his mom say she loves him.

You usually have around 20 seconds or so to determine if can listen to the call. ALL CALLS are recorded as is the termination. So if someone spot checks the logs and then hears you listened in on a call regarding the Drug Dealer and his mom going to dinner and not about drugs your in a mess of trouble and just lost your wiretap.

Reading Emails is the same as reading regular mail. Everyone knows you just can't open up someone regular snail mail and read it. The same goes for reading your spouses email.

I completely understand and sympathize with people here being in the same boat.

BUT PLEASE, PLEASE think before doing this stuff. If your spouse is vindictive or vengeful person you could end up being locked up or just not in a position to negotiate. End result you could have a situation where your spouse is now saying I want this and this or I will get you arrested. For some getting arrested could mean the end of a job as well.

I can personally tell you, I have arrested people for reading there ex-wives email, ex-girlfriends email ( oddly enough it seems like women are usually the victims ). Putting spyware on a computer and phones.

Further sometimes these computers and phones are part of company. Which can cause another issue in which the company could press charges even if your spouse does not want to after finding out what you did. The usual complaint from the company is you disrupted their service or comprised their network. Basically a computer hacking case. Again I have made arrest for this as well. Those are very painful because the intended victim is now stuck because the company he works for is arresting his wife or husband and they also might still need to work their to pay the bills. Of course they might get fired as well so you have one arrested and one fired.

I am just trying to get his out because I notice someone comes here for help and within the first few posts or at least on the first page is someone posting about putting a VAR in every spot in the house and car and spyware on every electronic device this person might own.

The problem is since everyone is so emotional they are really not thinking right. So they just read this and go out and spend five hundred dollars on all these gadgets and then get themselves into more trouble.

Imagine you come here for help and already feel like your world is falling apart around you and then your arrested. It can put someone at the end of their rope, which I am pretty sure it is not what everyone here wants to do.

Further I am pretty sure that poster giving those suggestions will not be there to help you out. No one is going to start a fund raiser for your lawyer(s). At most you will get is, it sucks to be you and then your thread will be sticky that others will link for people to read.

At least at a minimum disclaimer yourself before suggesting such an idea.

I expect to see someone one day walking around with one of those ear tags like you see on deer in the wild and just assume their spouse came to this forum.

Again not Preaching, I'm just looking out for people who are in my boat as well.
 

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I'd rather spend my time in jail than home with an unfaithful spouse.

Or in jail than a studio apartment.

At least in jail, I know I wouldn't be supporting my lying cheating spouse with alimony.

And if my spouse brought this against me, I would take EVERYTHING they would try to have a claim to, and either: spend it, hide it, give it to my lawyer, or burn it.
 

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There is a difference between a stranger aka the drug dealer or a random person aka the ex and someone who is your family and life aka wife or husband. I do not know of any law stating it illegal to open your spouses snail mail or email or keep tabs on where thier going and who they are with. If that was the case then things like google latitude and life 360 or any other tracking program would be illegal.

Its a whole nother ball game when it comes to ones spouse. Now my own spouse as well as myself have family in law enforcement so I could check with them and be sure. Heckk ill have my spouse check with his family and post back what they say on this matter.
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Coping with it:

Good advice.

But it's not always illegal. If a person co owns the computer or bought it with co-owned money it is not a crime to put spyware on it. At work it is a crime. Also, if any item like a car is co-owned it is not illegal to put a tracker on it. Using a VAR in the home of two married people is also not illegal. If it was the home of a boyfriend or girlfriend it might be in some states. Taping phone conversations in some states may be inadmissable in court but I don't know of any arrests associated with it.

As someone who strayed twice I should support non-snooping with such devices, but it's not illegal in the vast majority of cases in a marriage. My wife found out because well, the other woman wanted more and these things have a way of getting around no matter how stealth you may be.

These devices can help many people if used appropriately in the marital home and with co-owned items. But you are right people need to check.
 

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Do you know about any case where someone was arrested, sued, or jailed for snooping on their cheating spouse? Your point would be much more illustrative with a specific example.
I could see this now yes your honor my spouse was cheating and i looked at his/her email to verify
 

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also, during my last D my H put spyware on our phone and in my car- not b/c I was cheating but b/c he wanted to know my game plan for the D. Judge said "perfectly legal" if those things are not used in criminal hearings or if those things are jointly owned. Goes for email and mail as well. Opening your spouse's mail is not jailable. Believe me, If it were I'd have put him in jail.
 

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It is completely illegal - and rightfully so - for law enforcement to snoop in the manner suggested here. The trail of evidence gathering must be accounted for legally - otherwise it is thrown out of court as inadmissible. Even THEN I have rarely heard of legal repercussions on INDIVIDUAL LE personnel unless they had an axe to grind.

Evidence gathering for one's own knowledge is unlikely to get the full weight of law pitted against them.

I suppose you have also arrested parents for eavesdropping on their 18 y/o children suspected of doing drugs.

Thanks for the heads up anywho.
 

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I know that usually people here do suggest the VARs or the keyloggers, but there are a couple of things to keep in mind that make the difference between what you are saying and what is being suggested.

First things first. Here is a link to all of the Electronic Surveillance Laws, by state. Before anyone does ANYTHING you really do need to read the laws for your state.

Next, most states have either one informed party or two. So almost anyone would be covered if they taped or saved any conversation or chat or emails between themselves and their spouse, especially if they told their spouse they were recording or saving, and if the spouse continued to speak to them it would be considered as permission. That would cover two party consent.

However, 99 times out of 100 what we have are two things that make the difference between what you said, Copingwithit, and what is happening here.

The #1 thing that makes a difference is that when the disloyal spouse is lying to their loyal husband or wife, it's suggested for the loyal to gather evidence in order to prove TO THEMSELVES that there really is something going on and it's not all in their head. Anything they find is not intended to be used as evidence in a court of law--it's so the loyal person knows they aren't going nuts and to prove that their suspicions were or were not true. If at all possible, it's easiest and best to gather evidence via low tech options like matching credit card detail on the statement to where they said they were going to be...matching ATM receipts to find out where the gift went...etc. But some folks do recommend VARs and keyloggers I think cuz nothing jars a loyal out of denial faster than hearing your current legal spouse kissing and having sex with another person.

#2 it's a spouse, and that makes a huge difference because the vast majority of the time, as current spouses, either they own or co-own the hardware, pay or copay for the service (like cell phone or internet) etc. If they bought the PC with co-mingled funds, and they pay the internet bill with marital funds, and their spouse keeps a little notebook by their PC with their passwords, then as a spouse they have equal rights to look in their spouse's email on the PC they bought. Or equal rights to add a software to the PC they bought. Likewise for a cell phone they bought with marital funds and paid the cell bill with marital funds -- as a name on the account they can get a print out of the number of calls, the number of texts, etc.

Copingwithit, you'll notice that you mention you arrested people who spied on their EX spouse or EX girl/boyfriend, and yep after they're an ex-anything and they are no longer in a spouse relationship, after the property is distributed, after marital funds are not used for the item or the bill, and after they have no reason to have access to either passwords or the cell phone itself, then there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER for the formerly loyal spouse to be snooping and that is illegal and stalking. But *during* the marriage, the legal status of spouses is that it is reasonable to expect information and property to be shared by the two spouses: he shares with her/she shares with him. It's somewhat different.

So to summarize:
A) The gather evidence is to prove to the loyal spouse it's not just their imagination and it's not used in a court of law.

B) The evidence is gathered from a current spouse. It's reasonable to assume some legal sharing between spouses, and often then own the car, own the PC, own the cell phone, pay for the internet or cell bill, and they know the spouse's password. So they are gathering evidence on their own property...not on an EX spouse or EX girl/boyfriend's property.

Finally there is one situation where it is almost legally NECESSARY to carry a VAR (voice activated recorder) and that's when a female disloyal spouse is saying or acting like she's going to try to make a false abuse claim or report in order to have the male loyal spouse removed from the home...or if they are separated and she'd going to try to make a false abuse claim for more child support. In that instance I VERY STRONGLY indicate every time to hold the VAR or video camera where it can clearly be seen, state that you are recording and that if she continues to speak to you in is taken as consent, and record EVERY SINGLE time you are together.
 

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Also, I believe if the guy didn't try to gain illegal access to state's law enforcement database, he would't get in the trouble in first place.
 

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I spoke with my attorney, he said feds would not waste any moment of time going after a case like that.

As far as state laws, he said very few DAs would even prosecute, no judge would give jail time. Misdemeanor at the most that would go on record

So yes, VARs can be technically illegal, but very unlikely to result in jail time.

I wouldn't worry about computer laws at all unless it's a company phone or computer.
 

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It took me three anxious months until I started snooping; five months before I got to use voice recorders. Not due to the law (although there are strict privacy laws were I live), but because it wasn't my idea of marriage. Now, I only wish I'd done it sooner.
 

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There is one exception I can think of where I’d have reservations. Hacking or snooping on your spouse’s company server. You could get in serious trouble for that. Like my wife works for the bank.

Other than that, it’s the kind of illegal that comes with breaking the speed limit. Yes, you are breaking the law... No, no one is going to seriously judge you over it and the court will slap your hand.
 

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Even in places where it is illegal, there is still the requirement for the DA to file charges which takes time and money and DAs have a lot higher priority cases to spend their time and money on , especially if it means getting involved in the middle of the divorce of a cheater.

The MI case was brought by a someone trying to draw attention to themself, and it ended up going no where.
 
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