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Well as you know I dont believe in divorce except for things like adultery and abuse.
I understand that.

But the fact remains that divorce doesn't exist solely for your beliefs. Other people may invoke it for whatever other reasons they see fit as well.
 

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I understand that.

But the fact remains that divorce doesn't exist solely for your beliefs. Other people may invoke it for whatever other reasons they see fit as well.
If we divorce every time we dont see eye to eye on things, there would be no one left married.
 

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If we divorce every time we dont see eye to eye on things, here would be no one left married.
There is a different between not seeing eye to eye on whether the tube of toothpaste should be squeezed from the end or the middle vs not having one of more of your key criteria for remaining in a marriage being met.

I can live with someone who squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. I can't/won't remain in a marriage with someone that doesn't want to have a sexual relationship with me.

If that means I remain single and unmarried for the rest of my days, so be it. It is not a marriage without sexuality to me anyway.
 

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If we divorce every time we dont see eye to eye on things, here would be no one left married.
Additionally, I think one of the reasons that divorce rate is climbing and the marriage rate is declining compared to previous generations is people are learning they don’t have to be married.

They don’t have to settle. And if the marriage is not meeting their needs, they don’t have to remain.

If you have options and something is not a benefit to you, why do it?
 

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I can't see any benefit to the person with the stronger drive. Just frustration, hurt, rejection, and resentment.
 

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Yeah there is no benefit to mismatched sexual desire.

Saying it is a benefit because you have communication is like saying saying it is a benefit to stub your toe on the coffee table because it makes you keep a first aid kit, or like saying it’s a benefit for a grease fire in the kitchen so it makes you keep a fire extinguisher.

Communicating and problem solving skills are things people should be doing anyway to maintain a relationship.

Mismatched sex drives is just another problem added to the mix.
 

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that may have solved her problem, but it didn't solve yours.
Of course, my comment was tongue in cheek. There is no solution, really, and, in a way, it's good I don't have to waste my time thinking about sex and my wife. It's been terrible and it's affected me greatly. Look forward to the rest of my life (when I get it) as a free human being.
 

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There is a different between not seeing eye to eye on whether the tube of toothpaste should be squeezed from the end or the middle vs not having one of more of your key criteria for remaining in a marriage being met.

I can live with someone who squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. I can't/won't remain in a marriage with someone that doesn't want to have a sexual relationship with me.

If that means I remain single and unmarried for the rest of my days, so be it. It is not a marriage without sexuality to me anyway.
I am talking about important things.
 

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Yeah there is no benefit to mismatched sexual desire.

Saying it is a benefit because you have communication is like saying saying it is a benefit to stub your toe on the coffee table because it makes you keep a first aid kit, or like saying it’s a benefit for a grease fire in the kitchen so it makes you keep a fire extinguisher.

Communicating and problem solving skills are things people should be doing anyway to maintain a relationship.

Mismatched sex drives is just another problem added to the mix.
Its all about compromise and not always thinking we should get our own way all the time. Anything of this sort is character building and shows what we are made of.
 

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Its all about compromise and not always thinking we should get our own way all the time. Anything of this sort is character building and shows what we are made of.
I understand but there is a difference between working together and coming up with a plan for mutual satisfaction vs someone simply being deprived of one or more of their critical needs.

There is a difference between agreeing to see a chick flick one weekend and seeing a shoot-em-up the next vs someone being a movie buff and the other one not wanting to go to any movies with them at all.
 

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I understand but there is a difference between working together and coming up with a plan for mutual satisfaction vs someone simply being deprived of one or more of their critical needs.

There is a difference between agreeing to see a chick flick one weekend and seeing a shoot-em-up the next vs someone being a movie buff and the other one not wanting to go to any movies with them at all.
Yes true but if one wants sex twice a month and the other 3 times a week, cant they agree on say once a week?
 

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Yes true but if one wants sex twice a month and the other 3 times a week, cant they agree on say once a week?
Reasonable people could agree. Many couples include at least one person who isn't reasonable and won't negotiate. Communication won't help in that case.
 

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Yes true but if one wants sex twice a month and the other 3 times a week, cant they agree on say once a week?
Reasonable people could agree. Many couples include at least one person who isn't reasonable and won't negotiate. Communication won't help in that case.
Reasonable people can agree on a lot of things, including this. It would be a good idea to think if this is really a reasonable compromise? Many HD people connect and feel love via sexual intimacy. Is it reasonable to ask them to only connect once a week? Would it be reasonable to tell a woman who wants to talk and communicate that she can only do that once a week?

Couldn't reasonable people agree to an open marriage so that he HD person can get their sexual and emotional needs met? Then the LD person only needs to get into twice a month or whatever they feel like. To have a healthy open marriage takes great communication, so you get that positive too.

Couldn't reasonable people agree that someone else could make their spouse more happy than they do, and let them find that happiness?

There are all kinds of things that reasonable people can agree to. The agreement that you explored here is only reasonable if saving the marriage is the primary motivation. In which case it has already been established that doing what is best for your spouse is not the top priority.

Edit: this comment is completely off topic from what the OP wanted so I will not respond to any replies. Sorry @badsanta for joining the thread jack.
 

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Yes true but if one wants sex twice a month and the other 3 times a week, cant they agree on say once a week?
Of course they can.

Basically every couple has some mismatch of libido and desire as no couple is absolutely 50/50. All couples have to negotiate, compromise and come to workable agreements on about 5,000 different things.

I am talking about where one wants a sex life and the other doesn't.

But the question posed in this thread was if there is a benefit to mismatch in sex drive (presumably meaning a significant difference)

My answer to that is no - There is no benefit or upside to having a significantly different sexual interest.
 

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If the couple is in an ENM marriage, then the high drive person could have multiple other lovers (they could even be LD). Then the HD person could have a satisfying sex life, and the LD person(s) could also be happy.
 
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