Been lurking here for a while and shoved my tuppence worth in, probably where it wasn't wanted. Felt you all should know why.
Married for over 20 years to a control freak gas lighter. I was loyal, I was a good wife/mother/lover/friend. He cheated and did a whole lot more. I followed the advice, got evidence, said nothing, not a word.
I went looking for the evidence of the affair he was having. A keylogger on the family computer let me into his email. There I learned that I was the nasty ailment he picked up, there I read of the details of his little affair, there I found that he was doing stuff that was worse than the affair. He was downloading vast amounts of child porn, in an account in my name, yards from where my daughter slept. I learned fast how to breath and take action when all I wanted to do was roll into a ball and never come out. I also learned that you never ever ever ask a question to which you don't already know the answer. That's how to catch them in a lie. If you already have iron clad proof, when they lie to you and you slip across the table the proof that they are lying cheating saddos, you are already a step ahead.
That's what I did. When, one night, I was at the end of my bit or rope, I sat him down, nice and quiet and asked questions. He was on his control freak high horse but it didn't matter because, I just handed over the piece of paper (printed out from his email) that caught him in the lie. I did this for three hours and I kept coming. When, he was unable to lie anymore, I went out. Alone. Unaccounted for. This had never happened before to him. Ever. Taking back control is a sweet process.
The next day, I invited him to leave. Two years on, he told me that I could not divorce him. Why? Because he said so. Everything was just 'my perception.' I went for divorce and got the house (because I paid for it, like I paid for everything else.) I got the settlement I wanted because, when we were inches away from the judge I waived the disk in front of him - the disk that had every time he had downloaded an image of a schoolgirl giving a schoolteacher a BJ, in an account in my name. Blackmail? Yup, I did it. After that, I hauled my sad little ass back to normal and built my life. The best way to get even is to be happy.
Fast forward and we are five years on. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. I am not about ti get burned again so we have the good times, the fun times, the laughter, the intimacy. I love this man with my soul. Turns out, we met thirty years ago and neither of us knew. He is beautiful and despite being certain I would never go there again, I do love him.
And now I find he is cheating on me. I am evidence gathering all over again and wondering how, as a smart sassy woman, not too shabby, non stupid, not ugly, I get to pick another ****wit who I will have to show the door. Blimey, did I just get lucky or what?
Married for over 20 years to a control freak gas lighter. I was loyal, I was a good wife/mother/lover/friend. He cheated and did a whole lot more. I followed the advice, got evidence, said nothing, not a word.
I went looking for the evidence of the affair he was having. A keylogger on the family computer let me into his email. There I learned that I was the nasty ailment he picked up, there I read of the details of his little affair, there I found that he was doing stuff that was worse than the affair. He was downloading vast amounts of child porn, in an account in my name, yards from where my daughter slept. I learned fast how to breath and take action when all I wanted to do was roll into a ball and never come out. I also learned that you never ever ever ask a question to which you don't already know the answer. That's how to catch them in a lie. If you already have iron clad proof, when they lie to you and you slip across the table the proof that they are lying cheating saddos, you are already a step ahead.
That's what I did. When, one night, I was at the end of my bit or rope, I sat him down, nice and quiet and asked questions. He was on his control freak high horse but it didn't matter because, I just handed over the piece of paper (printed out from his email) that caught him in the lie. I did this for three hours and I kept coming. When, he was unable to lie anymore, I went out. Alone. Unaccounted for. This had never happened before to him. Ever. Taking back control is a sweet process.
The next day, I invited him to leave. Two years on, he told me that I could not divorce him. Why? Because he said so. Everything was just 'my perception.' I went for divorce and got the house (because I paid for it, like I paid for everything else.) I got the settlement I wanted because, when we were inches away from the judge I waived the disk in front of him - the disk that had every time he had downloaded an image of a schoolgirl giving a schoolteacher a BJ, in an account in my name. Blackmail? Yup, I did it. After that, I hauled my sad little ass back to normal and built my life. The best way to get even is to be happy.
Fast forward and we are five years on. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. I am not about ti get burned again so we have the good times, the fun times, the laughter, the intimacy. I love this man with my soul. Turns out, we met thirty years ago and neither of us knew. He is beautiful and despite being certain I would never go there again, I do love him.
And now I find he is cheating on me. I am evidence gathering all over again and wondering how, as a smart sassy woman, not too shabby, non stupid, not ugly, I get to pick another ****wit who I will have to show the door. Blimey, did I just get lucky or what?
