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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
I have found other things pointing to them since I packed all of her stuff and moved it. I hadn't realized that she had a couple purses hanging up behind our bedroom door so I dug through them and started looking at ATM reciets and her attendance sheet from work and went back and wrote down every week that I was gone in 2020 and compared that to her attendance sheet, ATM reciets and every time I was out of town she missed a day of work and used the ATM at 1-2 am. The I found one ATM reciet that showed her using it on a Saturday morning at 12:43 but had said she was driving to her son's house in Tennessee and left the Thursday night after work and I remember talking to her that Friday and she was quick to get off the phone because she was so tired from driving all night and I was out in California working. So I believe that this was going on for a while. I have not reveled any of that info because I am doing a cross check of all the info that I have plus our text messages back and forth on said dates is not making me feel like the smartest person I the world right now. I will update soon but I believe that she has cheated on her past men and is very good a concealing it
 

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You have all the evidence you need - unless you‘re in one of the few precious states that actually considers adultery wrong. It’s over. Have you seen a lawyer yet?
 

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@Intolerant72

I would like you to bear something in mind: she is not an honest person. If you were to print out my text messages and ask me to explain, I am an honest person so I would tell you the truth. But if you do something like ask a liar to explain...they are going to LIE. Make sense? A dishonest person doesn't "all of a sudden" tell the truth when they are asked a question. They continue to do what they do, which is lie. So expect that. Expect DISHONESTY. Expect more lies. And I'm not saying that to be mean to your STBX, but rather as a way to open your eyes. You don't ask a liar a question and expect them to honestly answer you. They are going to answer alright...with a LIE!
 

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Discussion Starter · #45 ·
That is why I tried to ask other than asking a direct question. I tried to ask them knowing that I already knew the answer and wording them so they was not as direct but again believe she has been down this road many times just by her ability to be so fake and lie straight to my face without letting on that she was doing thing behind my back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
You are absolutely correct with saying that about liers.That is probably the toughest thing to get past as of now is that she was so cold and calculating with her lies that you question everything that you have shared with them as being a lie. I just don't get that and have a hard time trying to understand that in a person.
 

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Don’t try to understand. You never will. Most serial cheaters don’t want a divorce. They just want some fun and excitement on the side. She will likely do everything she can think of to convince you to stay with her. Pass on that — unless you want to spend the rest of your life right where you are now. You’ll never trust her again and you shouldn’t. Move on.
 

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If you're going to get the truth, you'll probably get it in the first couple of days after confrontation. You'll know if you got the truth because it'll be more than you asked for, and include the stuff you know you'd never have been able to figure out on your own.

Mate, you're not going to get the truth.
 

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why would she even want you back any way now , even if she was acting like a saint I can't see what makes her think you two can ever get to patch things up
 

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Glad you’re seeing an attorney.
Poor cake eater is not willing to let go of her security blanket.
I’m so sad for poor muffin. You cruel man!
 

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believe she has been down this road many times just by her ability to be so fake and lie straight to my face without letting on that she was doing thing behind my back.

Sounds like you had suspicions much earlier and you let it slide. Do you have proof or is it more of a gut feeling? If you are confident that she has done this before, then she's using you as a safe backstop. The provider aspect where she has no problem with your wallet. You're doing well with the indirect questions. You may want to imply that you had hired a PI but leave it at that. You have all the proof that you need without being specific. It might get her talking.

ATM reciets and every time I was out of town she missed a day of work and used the ATM at 1-2 am. ....... I was out in California working.

this is good circumstantial evidence. Do you have direct evidence? I agree with the others. She's lying. Telling you a minimum. Hold firm. Don't fall for those what ifs. It's a form of gaslighting where you question your perception of reality. It seems like you know what has been going on in your marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter · #53 ·
I wouldn't say suspicion but more of a gut feeling on top of the little changes in her complete abnormal behavior compared to what was her normal the past years together.
At first I asked about a couple little differences that I noticed and she brushed them off so that was a red flag for me because if your spouse is concerned enough to ask because they have seen a change in them then IMHO they would precipitate other than just brushing it off. She has also stated that yes I lied about being at said address but that don't mean I was ****ing anyone and you have no proof of that...and that's correct however I told her that if she was facing charges she would be found guilty just with all the circumstancally evidence,the same evidence that I based my decision on.
If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck I'm calling it a duck until proven otherwise.
 

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She has also stated that yes I lied about being at said address but that don't mean I was ****ing anyone and you have no proof of that...and that's correct however I told her that if she was facing charges she would be found guilty just with all the circumstancally evidence,the same evidence that I based my decision on.
If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck I'm calling it a duck until proven otherwise.
You seem to have your head on straight. You have enough red flags at this stage that it's not up to you to prove that she wasn't having sex with the POSOM, it's up to her to prove that she didn't. In the absence of such proof, proceed under the assumption that she did.

Good luck to you. I don't envy you the road you have been forced to walk and the initial journey is excruciating.
 

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She had always stated that she was cheated on in every single relationship that she had prior to ours so I believe that she was twisting the cheater and cheated on portion of them stories and in a sick way was trying to lay down lies way ahead of her own evil ways if that makes any sense.
Your analysis may be spot on, but the real question is, should you care? Even if she was being truthful about this, it really makes the fact that she is cheating in the one relationship where she is being loved that much more heinous.

Keep your head up, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Rather than analyzing on her motivations and if you are dead set on divorce, morn her as-if she had died. In a way she has because this cheating woman is not the woman you would have married and the woman she presented herself as to you is now dead.

Morn your loss and work towards your future. It is a sad thing to loose the one you loved.
 

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Discussion Starter · #58 ·
As much as wish it turned out different I can not allow myself to be treated by her or any other women that takes my old school way of "IF I AM WITH YOU I AM WITH YOU" for granted and exploits that for their amusement. There are women out there looking for men with my integrity and beliefs. I remember when she had her friend ask me if I wanted to go out sometime and I asked her friend DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND ? and her friend said yes but they are about to break up and I told the friend I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME NOPE I DONT WANT TO GO OUT IF SHE IS INVOLVED so she contacted me about 2 months later when she was single
 

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As much as wish it turned out different I can not allow myself to be treated by her or any other women that takes my old school way of "IF I AM WITH YOU I AM WITH YOU" for granted and exploits that for their amusement. There are women out there looking for men with my integrity and beliefs. I remember when she had her friend ask me if I wanted to go out sometime and I asked her friend DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND ? and her friend said yes but they are about to break up and I told the friend I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME NOPE I DONT WANT TO GO OUT IF SHE IS INVOLVED so she contacted me about 2 months later when she was single
Your integrity will keep on serving you well, but no-one will blame you for shedding a tear at your loss. I'd advise you however to not do so in front of her. Deny her that satisfaction.
 
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