Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 20 of 109 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone I am just looking for any thoughts on what your interpretation of these text messages are.
I have drawn my own conclusion of them but I am just looking for some one that is not close to me to be honest and not bias due to knowing me that way.
I have had a gut feeling that something was off between myself and wife for a few months now because of her guarding her phone with her life if it was on,always checking it due to the notification being turn off ?? and just not acting the same as I became a custom to. So my gut feeling was telling me to look through her phone so one morning I did and found some text messages hidden in archived messages from a man that works at her plant but works in a different part. I forwarded all the text to my phone deleted all evidence of it and went to work. Keep in mind this is only one night of texts between them...Here is the text messages starting with him saying I miss you and her replying I MISS YOU TOO BABY, him telling her I made dinner for you smelly ass,she replied with emojis of hearts, him telling her that he didn't understand why they was not hanging out that night and her reply was I AM SORRY I CANT TONIGHT BECAUSE OUR LINE HAS TO BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND WE CAN'T BLUE LINE. Definition of blue line is this..Her line has a certain amount of parts that has to be produced in an 8 hour shift but if that number is reached in 5-6 hours they get to leave but still receive 8 hours pay. Which they did on a very regular day. Then him saying we'll get ahold of me when you have time for me,and her sending emojis kisses and hearts.
I have been chewing on this issue for around a month and have came to my conclusion on what was going on and what I'm am going to do about it I am just looking for other thoughts that I may have overlooked. Thanks and can't wait to hear from you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
I'm sorry to read this and what you are going through.

The fact that she's hiding the messages, the word BABY in that text and hearts... Not good signs at all.

Be up front. Confront her with the evidence. Don't let her turn this around into an argument about you violating her privacy. Open the conversation with the fact that you felt like something was off in your marriage and you have noticed that she's guarding her phone. Give her the chance to come clean. If she denies anything is wrong or comes up with some hokey excuse, present her with the evidence. I feel like confronting this head on is better than you sitting back, wondering and torturing yourself while this infidelity continues on. And yes, it's infidelity, as she's at the very least having an emotional affair with the guy. Worst case scenario, she's already physically cheated.

Talk to her. Get it out in the open!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,802 Posts
An emotional affair with physical contact is probably a sexual affair. Most betrayed spouses who come here cling to the hopium of its just an EA because they don’t want to accept the truth and would rather live in denial.

Get strong and stay there. IMO let her go. She ended your marriage anyway. No need to confront. Hell man she knows she’s a cheater. You don’t have to tell her that.

Anything is better than the long painful wallowing in infidelity. Infidelity is a life long gift she gave you.

in case you do confront know this. All cheaters lie a lot. A lot!!!!

You’ll also get:

Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.

I would inform and forward the info to the other mans wife assuming he’s married. Then let the cheaters deal with it. Without saying a word to anyone.

if you want to know how long it’s been going on go online and take a look at your phone bill.

Your cheating wife put you where you are but you are the only one that can keep yourself there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,175 Posts
I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.
do you know anything about the other person...if you do go document everything, and i would hide when she arrives at the place and wait to see where she goes....then once you have confirmation you need to tell her that you are done and walk away...but please do not engage with the person...let's keep you out of jail.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,802 Posts
I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.
Sexual affair. You really don’t need any more info. Why keep yourself in this? She’s already ended your marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,343 Posts
You know what is going on. I think once you follow her to that location, you will have the confirmation you need.
No need really to confront her -- she knows she is cheating.
Get with a lawyer, get your plans together (financial, custody if required, etc.) and then have her served.
Make sure you tell folks (family, etc.) about her affair so that she can't turn the divorce all on you -- she will try to re-write your marriage history to make YOU look like the bad guy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I was talking to my brother about this earlier and he has agreed to go sit and take pictures and follow her/them/him for me so that's what I am waiting for is in my hand proof that I am gonna leave for her in her car along with a key to her new storage unit that will have a her belonging in it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,337 Posts
You have already received a lot of good advice so far. The only thing I will add is, now is the time to put YOURSELF first. Keep rested; if you aren't already, start eating healthy and exercising, spend time with friends. You have some difficult times ahead and it's important that you keep yourself mentally and physically in good shape.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,802 Posts
I was talking to my brother about this earlier and he has agreed to go sit and take pictures and follow her/them/him for me so that's what I am waiting for is in my hand proof that I am gonna leave for her in her car along with a key to her new storage unit that will have a her belonging in it.
You’ve got all the proof you need. At this point all you’re doing is pain shopping.

I get it though and understand but get this done quickly and get out of this hell she’s put you in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I really appreciate all your words and knowledge of the right and wrong things to do.
I am a very calm person until I have been brought to that place and the reality of this is really starting to sink in and I am about to turn green with anger so I may have to get away for awhile being in her presents is so hard to not say what you want to.
I agree with everything everyone has said and I had made my decision before posting this as to my plan of action. I want to ask her who the **** gave you permission to carry on with another man because I know I didn't so that was her decision and she has to be responsible for that decision and the consequences are this. You want to act single my dear well as of today you won't sneak around behind my back anymore maybe his but she will not take another minute of my precious time end of the story.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm gonna miss her very attentive house cleaning skills but I'm thinking it's gonna be a hell of a good trade off.
I have invested 9 years of my life with her and I can only wonder as to the time frame that she has been unfaithful. It make sense that some other post state that they needed all the info so as not to have questions afterwards but I gotta just bury this as a good life lesson and have my eyes and ears on a little better attention when I decide the time is right to start dating again but that's months down this road. I am so happy that I have my job that keeps my mind occupied.
Again thanks to everyone for their comment and I'm sure I'll be giving updates as this unfolds further but for now it's chin up and looking for the end to all of this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
115 Posts
How clever & technical is she?

you just got a new phone, did she help you set it up? Does she know how to manage and/or share location settings (one way)?
If she is savvy, she might just be able to check your location (phone, watch, tablet, and even Cars GPS). If you plan to go to this location, make sure she thinks your at work.
leave your car & electronics at work. Don’t just turn off location service as it might blow your cover. Borrow/rent a car or have your brother pick you up. Get a burner/temp phone and set your cell phone to FWD calls.

TBH, I hope you are wrong, but if your not best to find it all out now!

Best of Luck, Sir!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
I have not followed her but I recently bought a new phone and had my old one still so I am using that as a gps tracker with an app I installed and have been documenting where she goes and I have an address actually an apt complex that she has been going to that I have scoped out and will be sitting on tomorrow because she has planned to go "Shopping with girlfriends in the same town as this address.
I leave for work at 6am due to my drive taking me 45min to get there and last week I left for work and she was acting like she was sleeping because she got in showered,and was gone from the house before I made it to my job and was it said address until 9:45 am.
Don't do it. You already know. Why would you do this? You could get shot over a woman who is cheating on you. It's physical. It's cheating. It's wrong.

You know enough info already, what is your plan? Make a plan before you speak to her. I guarantee she will lie her butt off when you confront. I bet she will blame you and won't be remorseful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
535 Posts
How clever & technical is she?

you just got a new phone, did she help you set it up? Does she know how to manage and/or share location settings (one way)?
If she is savvy, she might just be able to check your location (phone, watch, tablet, and even Cars GPS). If you plan to go to this location, make sure she thinks your at work.
leave your car & electronics at work. Don’t just turn off location service as it might blow your cover. Borrow/rent a car or have your brother pick you up. Get a burner/temp phone and set your cell phone to FWD calls.

TBH, I hope you are wrong, but if your not best to find it all out now!

Best of Luck, Sir!
He has his brother going there for him.

@Intolerant72 sorry to see this happening. Only one way to interpret those texts, but you probably knew that already. You really don't need anymore proof and I'm afraid anything else is just going to imprint images in your brain you would rather not have to carry around with you. I think the best advice here was the first post. Ask her about why she has been acting strange and guarding her phone so much. See what she says, which will inevitably be a lie. Then confront her with what you know.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,513 Posts
If I was going to recommend a song to describe what this guy and your old lady's been up to this would be it.

 
1 - 20 of 109 Posts
Top