Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,
I really need some other points of view. My OH and I have been together for nearly 30yrs and have two small children, but have never got married.
In the last few months he has made a friend at work and this girl, she is less than half his age, has"problems" and has used him as her support. There has been times when he has returned home from work very late, and his expination is that she needed to talk so he couldnt really leave her and say sorry got to go home. I cannot contact him at work by cell as no signal, but equally they did not ans the landline, I was frantic, thinking he had crashed car etc etc. Long story short in aug I saw a conversation of texts on his phone detailing how to meet up during our holiday time for lunch and how awkwards was for him to ge away etc. I confronted him and he said nothing in it, now all his texts to her are deleted. this week he was late home again and called me on way home, when he got in he wanted me to take some photos of my "wedding cakes" ( i make cakes from home) to show someone the next day, I took his phone and did this but noticed that he had also called her on way home too. This led me to last night check his phone bill online, last month there was over 500 text messages sent of which over 300 were to her. I was seething, so I sent her a message (wrong I know but just couldnt stop myself) after sending me a text saying "what has XXXX said about me and him? you deserve the truth etc etc, she says they are just mates and he loves me and the kids more than anything" I dont honestly know which way to turn am I going mad? This isnt normal behaviour. I feel so wretched having checked up on him but I need to know where I stand. Is this friendship cheating, I believe him there is nothing physical going on but he has told me she has said that she wishes they had met 20 yrs ago (silly mare she would have been 2yrs old!! But I know what she ment, just she's not very good with words)
Any ideas or advice?
Thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,577 Posts
Your husband is in an emotional affair that may have gone physical . Confront him once more make it clear he is having an inappropriate relationship with another woman. Call his parents , explain what is happening and ask for their help .

In the meantime there is a link that has a description of the 180 in one of the posts

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/31300-lost-2.html#post419347

Once you have further hard evidence we will help you with the next step.

Start this 180 now

You need hard evidence , buy a VAR ( a voice activated recorder) and hide it in his car , don't let him know and secure it properly . Keep records of the phone bill , there is software that can be loaded onto his phone and record the text messages

Extra tips in the following link;

Operation Investigate - Marriage Builders® Forums
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,577 Posts
Don't believe a word hat come out of their mouths , if it is so innocent then he would not be deleting the text messages or having conversations without you present . Have no doubt they are either on a full on affair or preparing for one.

His behaviours , his and her responses to you are exactly to a script affair folk follow.

Below advice extracted for another poster who's wife is in contact with an ex



I can't believe I almost triggered upon reading this thread. This is so very similar to the initial exchange that my fWW had upon reconnecting with a hs boyfriend. It got serious very quickly after that, and it doesnt matter if you have a good marriage or not, these rekindled flames affairs can take off very fast. I like this post by F-102 in the other thread that best sums it up on how it will go if you don't put a stop to it fast:

Their jobs
Their families
Their lives since they parted
Their significant others since they parted
How much they missed each other
Fun things they did together
Your job
How your job keeps you away
How lonely she is when you're away
How their conversations make her happy
How he makes her feel good about herself
How she feels like a young woman again
How she can't wait to talk to him again
How you're not always "perfect"
How you're the biggest jerk on the planet
How on earth she could have fallen for a jerk like you
How you don't deserve her
How she can do so much better
How he's so much of a better man than you
How she wonders if she would have stayed with him
How she misses him everyday now
How they can see each other without anyone knowing
How she now realizes that she still loved him all along
How she's gonna leave you and return to him...

You need to tell her what you discovered and how you discovered it (by accident). Let her know up front that this is not a cool thing to do (reconnecting with a past lover) and that you don't feel comfortable with it. Do not accept the just friends excuse. This can turn into a fire very fast.

Now you have to be on your guard unfortunately. If she starts staying up into the night on the computer, starts locking it up, changing passwords, closing screens when you come into the room, cell phone glued to her hand, etc, you will know that it has progressed to an EA. Until you've been burned by the "Lost lovers reconnecting thru Facebook" Affair, you don't know how it is. It can turn badly very quickly.




Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,948 Posts
Your husband is in an emotional affair that may have gone physical . Confront him once more make it clear he is having an inappropriate relationship with another woman. Call his parents , explain what is happening and ask for their help .

Allow me to point this out...

They have been together for 30 years. I would ballpark them to be around 50. His parents, if alive, would be around 70s or up. At that age, I dont think they care. And he is 50(?) and would be too old to care what his parents think. Or, I could be wrong.

Maybe he has a sibling he respect that can talk to him?
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top