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Discussion Starter #1
This topic came up in another thread and was easily causing a TJ with me being one of the culprits.

It seems there are some divided views about territorial men.

I'm curious about what the views are and to what degree people believe territorial behavior and insecurity and childishness are related.

The starting scenario involved the discussion about an ex husband coming into the current husband's home and doing repairs.

The current husband got upset about the suggestion from his wife and advice followed on TAM. The couple in question sounds like they will be just fine but the question still remains about his insecurity and childishness, (man baby) adjective, being applied because of his territorial behavior.

I believe insecure, man babies can definitely be territorial. I do, however, also believe that territorial behavior and insecurity are not linked traits.
 

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I do NOT think being territorial is necessarily linked to insecurity. There are good evolutionary reasons for territorial behavior. Only when it becomes excessive and leads to irrational jealousy, unfounded insecurity, controlling behavior towards a partner, or violence does it become dysfunctional or pathological. Some immature men can be territorial, of course.

I am moderately territorial, but I'm also very rational about it. I don't feel much need to exert territorial behavior to keep a partner - I know I can easily find another.
 

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....territorial behavior and insecurity are not linked traits.
Agreed.

In the thread where this question originated, the wife instigated the territorial behaviour (unintentionally, I assume) and was soundly corrected by the husband. This is as it should be.

Another scenario is if a guy starts sniffing around your women without her wanting it. No need to correct the wife there, but the sniffer will/should be dealt with.

Accusations of ''man baby'' and ''childishness'' should only be used for men who allow their territory to be breached.

(side note: sorry if this sounds misogynistic, but I don't need or want a woman's opinion on this particular subject, this is purely about a man's responsibility.)
 

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I don't have any problem with the man taking the stance he did in the mentioned example.
I fully believe that it is his prerogative to not want his wife's ex in the house.
I also feel that it is her prerogative to not want her husband's ex in the house.
There are a lot of dynamics in motion, but there is usually a valid reason an ex is an ex.
I know out of the women that I dated before my wife, there is only one that I would ever want to see again.
She was a quality person. The biggest problem was that I didn't want to be a Minister's husband.
I know that I am not the only one that feels that way.
Heck, my Sister got her fur in a fluff because I hired her ex-boyfriend to do some electrical work (and she lives 300 miles away.)
I don't think it necessarily has to come down to either. Maybe one person truly loathes the other person.
 

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I see both sides. To me, a man being territorial does NOT automatically mean he is insecure. It could but we shouldn't assume anything.

I'm not a handy guy, at all. My involvement in renovations, repairs, or maintenance is (usually) picking up the phone and calling someone else to do it. I have no issues calling a professional or friend, and if I'm really desperate my dad, but a (theoretical) ex? Hell no.

I think part of it has to do with the wife making that initiation, though. It's disrespectful, IMO.

My house had electrical problems galore. They ranged from rewiring the house to minor things like replacing electrical outlets. Eventually my wife got sick of me not fixing one issue and called a friend of mine to do it. He's a great guy, electrician, one of my closest friends for 20 years, but man that pissed me off. There were times before that when I had him help out with something and it was no big deal. If it was an ex? No, no, no.

In the situation of the new spouse being the OM/OW... that's a messy one.
 

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The starting scenario involved the discussion about an ex husband coming into the current husband's home and doing repairs.
In the case of that thread, I think that the husband is completely reasonable about not wanting his wife's ex to do some home repairs for them. There are few spouses, male or female, who would be alright with that.

I believe insecure, man babies can definitely be territorial. I do, however, also believe that territorial behavior and insecurity are not linked traits.
I thnk that man-babies tend to be territorial in very man-baby ways.

But I don't think that men who are reasonably territorial are man-babies.

Like most things there is a balance that is acceptable.
 

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In the thread you cited, there is another dynamic at play. The OP cheated on her first husband with the current husband. The Ex got kicked to the curb and she moved her lover in. I'd guess any mention of the Ex reminds the current husband what an asshole he was. He took the guy's wife and his house. It doesn't get much ****tier than that. Personally, I hope he suffers from hemorrhoids.

Being territorial could be mate guarding or insecurity. As long as it doesn't cause the spouse embarrassment or land you in jail, no harm - no foul.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
In the thread you cited, there is another dynamic at play. The OP cheated on her first husband with the current husband. The Ex got kicked to the curb and she moved her lover in. I'd guess any mention of the Ex reminds the current husband what an asshole he was. He took the guy's wife and his house. It doesn't get much ****tier than that. Personally, I hope he suffers from hemorrhoids.

Being territorial could be mate guarding or insecurity. As long as it doesn't cause the spouse embarrassment or land you in jail, no harm - no foul.
The territorial part of it is what I'm going to focus on. The ex cheated first and she apparently had an exit affair in response. He killed it, she buried it.

Regardless, the current couple has been married ten years I believe so the current husband has invested enough for it to be his home.

I had extremely strong territorial feelings about Mrs. Conan's ex being in our home or having unrestricted access to anything pertaining to my area.

I'm fuzzy but I might have been technically the OM. Mrs. Conan was separated, I believe, even if the divorce wasn't finished. I seem to remember helping her with the paperwork.
 

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The territorial part of it is what I'm going to focus on. The ex cheated first and she apparently had an exit affair in response. He killed it, she buried it.

Regardless, the current couple has been married ten years I believe so the current husband has invested enough for it to be his home.

I had extremely strong territorial feelings about Mrs. Conan's ex being in our home or having unrestricted access to anything pertaining to my area.

I'm fuzzy but I might have been technically the OM. Mrs. Conan was separated, I believe, even if the divorce wasn't finished. I seem to remember helping her with the paperwork.
Did you move into the home where her ex used to live?
 

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Did you move into the home where her ex used to live?
Hahahaha! Nope! I do get that dynamic and it sucks. I do also see the other dynamic about territorial behavior. It was probably the best option for the kids but I'm not going there on this thread. I absolutely feel what you are about that particular issue, just so you know.😉
 

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This topic came up in another thread and was easily causing a TJ with me being one of the culprits.

It seems there are some divided views about territorial men.

I'm curious about what the views are and to what degree people believe territorial behavior and insecurity and childishness are related.

The starting scenario involved the discussion about an ex husband coming into the current husband's home and doing repairs.

The current husband got upset about the suggestion from his wife and advice followed on TAM. The couple in question sounds like they will be just fine but the question still remains about his insecurity and childishness, (man baby) adjective, being applied because of his territorial behavior.

I believe insecure, man babies can definitely be territorial. I do, however, also believe that territorial behavior and insecurity are not linked traits.
Men who aren't territorial are either stupid or naive. No wife of mine should have any contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands whatsoever. I'm guessing it was mostly women who called him insecure and childish? I wonder what the good women on TAM would think if their husband or boyfriend's ex-wife came over to help him clean up from time to time especially when she wasn't there. Cleaning up the dishing and washing some clothes. Bet we'd get a lot of outrage.
 

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This topic came up in another thread and was easily causing a TJ with me being one of the culprits.

It seems there are some divided views about territorial men.

I'm curious about what the views are and to what degree people believe territorial behavior and insecurity and childishness are related.

The starting scenario involved the discussion about an ex husband coming into the current husband's home and doing repairs.

The current husband got upset about the suggestion from his wife and advice followed on TAM. The couple in question sounds like they will be just fine but the question still remains about his insecurity and childishness, (man baby) adjective, being applied because of his territorial behavior.

I believe insecure, man babies can definitely be territorial. I do, however, also believe that territorial behavior and insecurity are not linked traits.
I I would never ask my current husband about having my ex husband do anything. I just wouldn't do that .

That said, there is a difference between being territorial and being a dominating a**. Some man who think they are the former are actually the latter. And some men, even married ones, just plain don't like women very much and it shows.Of course the same thing can happen in reverse.

Like I said, I would never disrespect my husband by inviting my ex husband to do something. But as much as I love my current husband, if he ever said something like " No woman of mine!" Lol.....yeah, no. He's not a cave man, and I'm not the remote lol
 

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Men who aren't territorial are either stupid or naive. No wife of mine should have any contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands whatsoever. I'm guessing it was mostly women who called him insecure and childish? I wonder what the good women on TAM would think if their husband or boyfriend's ex-wife came over to help him clean up from time to time especially when she wasn't there. Cleaning up the dishing and washing some clothes. Bet we'd get a lot of outrage.
No, only one woman called him that. Most said I was a ****ing idiot, including myself.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Men who aren't territorial are either stupid or naive. No wife of mine should have any contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands whatsoever. I'm guessing it was mostly women who called him insecure and childish? I wonder what the good women on TAM would think if their husband or boyfriend's ex-wife came over to help him clean up from time to time especially when she wasn't there. Cleaning up the dishing and washing some clothes. Bet we'd get a lot of outrage.
The insecure viewpoint was shared by both men and women on that thread. I think most were understanding the husband's territorial behavior.
 

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My husband is territorial, and I like it. Lol!

I'm not someone who's going to give him a reason to go piss around to mark his territory. I respect him. I don't play those kind of games.

Respect goes both ways. He's not bringing any ex's around either. I thought that was common sense!!
 

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The insecure viewpoint was shared by both men and women on that thread. I think most were understanding the husband's territorial behavior.
I understood it. Exes just don't have any place in a couple's lives this way unless both are ok with it. Even then I feel like it has the potential to cause unforeseen issues.

As a woman I understand and expect a certain amount of territorial behavior. This is a little different but I remember when my guy and I first started seeing each other, and I would have the occasional man approach me at our bike rides. There aren't many women riders so when one shows up the guys look, and I was new. I met my guy at the first ride I showed up to.

Well my guy would show up at my wide and and low and behold others would keep their distance. I felt like the message that I was with him was sent.

Is that territorial? I thought so and I understood it. Besides....I only wanted him so it saved me the trouble. Now that it's been a while everyone knows we're a thing.

I suppose there can be immature and bully territorial behaviors, but some are healthy.
 

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I’ve only ever had one experience with this situation but it was the exact opposite of what @ConanHub is talking about.
When I was dating my wife she owned a gym. I called in to see her one day and she was putting some posters on the gym wall of a former Olympian. This woman had started selling a range of gym clothing and equipment and my girlfriends gym had gotten a small franchise to sell some of the gear.
When I seen the posters I got a bit of a shock and my girlfriend noticed but she thought I was just admiring the woman in question and started ribbing me about it. I then explained that I used to date the Olympian when I was younger.
She didn’t believe me until I showed her my Facebook page and some old photos of us together.
I thought I would do my girlfriend a favor and I rang my ex and asked her would she be willing to turn up at the gym, maybe sign a few autographs and have some photos taken. My ex said no problem but asked me was my current girlfriend okay with this arrangement so I asked her.
She wasn’t.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I’ve only ever had one experience with this situation but it was the exact opposite of what @ConanHub is talking about.
When I was dating my wife she owned a gym. I called in to see her one day and she was putting some posters on the gym wall of a former Olympian. This woman had started selling a range of gym clothing and equipment and my girlfriends gym had gotten a small franchise to sell some of the gear.
When I seen the posters I got a bit of a shock and my girlfriend noticed but she thought I was just admiring the woman in question and started ribbing me about it. I then explained that I used to date the Olympian when I was younger.
She didn’t believe me until I showed her my Facebook page and some old photos of us together.
I thought I would do my girlfriend a favor and I rang my ex and asked her would she be willing to turn up at the gym, maybe sign a few autographs and have some photos taken. My ex said no problem but asked me was my current girlfriend okay with this arrangement so I asked her.
She wasn’t.
I'm interested in all territorial scenarios.

Thanks for sharing this one.
 

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I’ve only ever had one experience with this situation but it was the exact opposite of what @ConanHub is talking about.
When I was dating my wife she owned a gym. I called in to see her one day and she was putting some posters on the gym wall of a former Olympian. This woman had started selling a range of gym clothing and equipment and my girlfriends gym had gotten a small franchise to sell some of the gear.
When I seen the posters I got a bit of a shock and my girlfriend noticed but she thought I was just admiring the woman in question and started ribbing me about it. I then explained that I used to date the Olympian when I was younger.
She didn’t believe me until I showed her my Facebook page and some old photos of us together.
I thought I would do my girlfriend a favor and I rang my ex and asked her would she be willing to turn up at the gym, maybe sign a few autographs and have some photos taken. My ex said no problem but asked me was my current girlfriend okay with this arrangement so I asked her.
She wasn’t.

Very classy of your ex to inquire.

I'm impressed.
 

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My husband is territorial, and I like it. Lol!

I'm not someone who's going to give him a reason to go piss around to mark his territory. I respect him. I don't play those kind of games.

Respect goes both ways. He's not bringing any ex's around either. I thought that was common sense!!
Personal experience and reading TAM tells me it's not so common.
 
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