[NotDoneYet]

I'm trying to better understand my wife's affair (not that I ever fully will) by doing some research. Her parents divorced when she was young, and I'm trying to find information on the effects of divorce on a child's future relationships. Is there a simpler term for "grown child of divorce"?

 

[WhatASituation]

I think your term above should yield the kind of results you're looking for. I will say this. My parents divorced when I was nine, I didn't cheat. My stbxw whose parents had been married to each other their whole lives, is the one who had multiple EA's. Obviously this is hardly a scientific study, but I do believe that whole, "Oh my parents divorced when I was young" is just an excuse. I'd be looking at her dating life when she was older say in her late teens and twenties. Just my two cents.

 

[snap]

Both me and my WW are from "complete" families, go figure.

 

[ThreeStrikes]

Yes. Stop looking for reasons to excuse your wife's affair. It's simple. Cheaters are selfish. They feel entitled. It has nothing to do with whether or not they are a child of divorce.

I am the child of divorce (was 5 at the time). My STBXW is the daughter of very devoted, Christian parents (dad is a preacher). I am a loyal spouse. She is a serial cheater.

Have a go at this:

http://chumplady.com/2012/06/untangling-the-skein-of-****upedness/

 

[Ovid]

My wife grew up with the complete family and wedded parents. I was an only child to a single mother who left me with my grandparents until they passed. When I moved in with mom I never saw her. I left home at an early age.

I was faithful and my wife wasn't.

It's the cheater, not their parents.

 

[Acoa]

Divorce is too broad. I think the reason for the divorce and general family environment are more important to understanding someone's insecurities.

My parents divorced when I was 10. Dad was an alcoholic, life from age 5 to 14 was hell. I have issues, but never had an affair.

My wife comes from a couple who were married for life. She had multiple online affairs and probably would have gone physical if I hadn't caught her.

Emotional damage doesn't justify cheating. Recognizing it can lead to proper therapy and support, but it won't affair proof a marriage.

 

[The Middleman]

My wife grew up with the complete family and wedded parents. I was an only child to a single mother who left me with my grandparents until they passed. When I moved in with mom I never saw her. I left home at an early age.

I was faithful and my wife wasn't.

It's the cheater, not their parents.

There is a reason for that, at least in my case. I came from a "broken home" where infidelity was an issue. My wife came from a "broken home" as well. We swore that we will not do that to our kids, who are now grown. Anyway, no infidelities (that I know of) in all these years.

 

[Hope1964]

You're killing yourself here. Stop. Stop looking for reasons - stop looking for excuses.

She cheated because she chose to. It really is as simple as that.

 

[NotDoneYet]

You're killing yourself here. Stop. Stop looking for reasons - stop looking for excuses.

She cheated because she chose to. It really is as simple as that.

I agree it's definitely a choice, but there are patterns of infidelity/divorce among children of divorce, and that helps me to realize I'm not the problem. The more I read about it, the more secure I become.

 

[Acoa]

You are not the reason she cheated. If you are a bad husband she should divorce you, not cheat on you.

 

[NotDoneYet]

You are not the reason she cheated. If you are a bad husband she should divorce you, not cheat on you.

Agreed. Saddens me to know she'll think she's gotten rid of "the problem" when "the problem" is her inability to handle marital issues as married people should: with communication and effort.