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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Lately on tam it seems as the bs doesn't want to expose the affair to the
affair partners spouse. I just can't understand why you wouldn't do it .

It shouldn't matter if you are going to D or R.

Anyone disagree ?
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I am all about exposing to the other BS. I know that I did. I gave her a month, then I contacted him. I was nervous but knew that if I did not want them communicating, then he had to know.
 

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Exposure is right. Exposure is a must.

I have only seen BS's remorse that they should of exposed sooner, and or exposed wider.

I have never seen a BS sorry that they did expose.

The OP is already banging the WS so what is left for the WS and OP to do than what they are already have done, are doing, and will continue to more of?
 

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Everyone has the right to know what is happening to their own lives, a BS deserves to decide if she wants to stay in a marriage that has a broken vow because of infidelity.
It's the right thing to do.........
 

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I've noticed that as well. When I came here, it was over a month after D-day. I hadn't exposed to her fiance at that point because I had no clue who he was nor how to actually get in touch with him. I only knew the city where they lived, as we had never met her in person, only online in a game. But after coming here, I learned where I went wrong, but still hoped for the best. I had determined that I would write to her fiance if she ever tried to contact my husband... which she did. I sent him a letter, no return address, and waited. And then I got a text from her a few days later. she claimed they laughed over the letter and she took one last dig at me...calling me a selfish insecure person. I truly believe that she actually intercepted the letter, but she never contacted either of us again, so that's what matters. :)

So, yea, I would expose again... but if I had to do it over again, I'd have exposed immediately. I would have had all available info on her and her fiance, etc.
 

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I think it's because there are so many doormats that think the world will end, their children will be tortured and a black hole will suck the entire universe in if they piss their WS off.

Edit, I'm in a fantastic mood today, which is demonstrated by my tireless sarcasm.
 

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I didn't expose OW to her husband and it has stayed with me ever since. Eats away at me some days, even though we are in a good place with R. If you are fortunate to be able to expose, I would now say do it, not just for the benefit her/his other half but for you more than anything.
 

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I have always said exposure is pretty much the nuclear option and those electing to use it need to understand it may make or break the marriage. In the case of a PA I think it is the BS's duty to inform the OBS simply from a health risk stand point. If they are doing it now, chances are fair that one of the other has done it before increasing the risk of an STD passed on to an innocent party. Even in that case there is a chance that the WSs will circle the wagons and draw closer due to exposure. An outcome that needs to be understood going into exposure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I see to many people write in that they don't want to tell omw or owh because
It would seem like revenge or that they don't want to break up another marriage

Well the AP didn't do you any favors so why do them one by keeping silent ?
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Just my 2 cents... I'm about 26 months out from D-Day and I did not expose. The OM had a live-in girlfriend during the A, and then he married her later.

I don't really care about the A anymore. But the decision not to expose haunts me at least every other day. I wish I had. I hate that I let her get married to that POS. I know its pointless at this point, so I convince myself that I'm doing the right thing for my children by not saying anything. Ive also got a therapist who strongly recommends against it (she knows the specifics so I value her opinion).

That being said, I cannot say for sure what will happen. I may have to expose just to stop thinking about it one day. Its not about the A. Its not even about the Marriage or Divorce. Its about my sanity.
 

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Burn em to the ground as well as you can, and then move on. I am glad every day despite the pain that someone outed my WW, I feel no obligation to the AP, but their spouse to me is as innocent (if they don't know) as I was when I was informed.

And then move on, harboring that stuff will eat you up inside. Have your swing for the fence, and leave it behind you.
 

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My only regret in exposing to OMW is that it resulted in exactly what he claimed to want: a divorce. I got pain...he got freedom to screw up more people's relationships without having to hide under the radar from his W.
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I didnt expose at first to the OWs BH. I didnt know him they lived in another town. After dday, and my own digging I found out about her BH, got his phone#, address ect. I sat on my info. Lo and behold a few months down the line she sends a fishing email, at that point I exposed to her BH. I called him and backed up my info with her email which I forwarded to him. He was NOT nice or understanding towards me (jerk) but I am soooo glad I exposed. She Never came fishing again!
 

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I think it's the right to expose for a lot of reasons and not just to the OM/OW's partner. They can choose to ignore you if they wish to. Prevent more deception, possibly prevent repeats, etc.
 
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