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1- Been married for 5 years and we have two toddlers

2- Wife stay home mom and half time online school.

3- I work full time with full time grad school

4- I work 4 days long hours and I have 3 days off


- I'm semi Lazy person, I dont help as much in the house ( not sure what normal husband suppose to do) I put kids to sleep. take family once a week out and twice and once a week I take them to my parents.

- I like to dress up for work and always like to have nice dress up clothing

- stopped working out few months ago ( 5 months) i gained 20LB

- I work in a large Business area.

My problem

- Wife Does not take care of her self. Today is the 10/31 and as I remember that last time she did her hair was Saturday 10/27.

- she wears same old home wear things even I seems to buy her new stuff for the house every once and a while but i feel like I dont see them.

- I'm not sure how to put this without hurting anyone, but you see some woemn beautiful naturally without any make up and no matter what they wear at home they look decent. well, my wife does not look that way and has to take care of herself with make up to look beautiful ( I mean home make up). wife has perfect body I'm talking, J Lo, J Aniston Body.

- sometimes when we go out, she barely touch her face with make up.

- we have talked so many times. I told her about my concern and fursteration and told her even I could cheat because she dont take care of herself. I told her I meet and see alot women at my work place and they are super hot and dress up nice.
I told her that in so many ways. she does make up for a day or may be two then stops.

- a year ago I even told her sister and her mom that I need a solution they talked to her and changed.

- just last week, we get in argument about something, then early morning while at work she text me saying I dont love you and I'm not even attracted to you out of no where.

- got home and gave her flowers i picked from garden and she said she was mad about an argument we have.

- if you ask me. yes I'm not in love with her like I used to be and not attracted to her physically because I dont her freaking body with these daily home clothes she wears.

- even all of that I still try to kiss her and tell her I love you and hug her daily just to keep myself and my family together.


sorry for my typos when I'm fursterated and mad I type very fast and skip words and letters.

by the way she is 30 and I'm 31.

I'm 5'10' weight 215lb with built features and extra weight.
 

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if she stayes home all day everyday, then she really has no reason to "dress up" and do her makeup all nice,

if i was home all the time i would be wearing track pants and grubby t-shirts all the time, not a shirt and tie and dress pants.....lol

take her out more and give her a REASON to dress up and look nice
 

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You need to work with her about these things. It seems like you are attacking her and being a hypocrite in the process. You think she is letting herself go when you admittedly gained 20lbs in 5 months, are semi lazy and barely help around the house? Your job requires you to dress up and look nice. Her job requires her to take care of two small human beings which means she needs to be comfortable and able to deal with a lot of messes. She may be letting herself go a bit but I think you are being extremely harsh on her and it is affecting how she feels about you.

Stop looking at her so negatively and try empathazing with her and what she does for your family and household. Then try working along side her where both of you put more effort into the other as well as your own appearance and self worth.
 

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A SAHM with two toddlers to care for and you want a stepford wife? Not going to happen buddy. You can ask, but honestly it's not a reasonable request under the circumstances. If you were home all day with the kids/chores you wouldn't be sporting your nice shirts and ties and creased slacks either. Try putting yourself in her shoes for a change.

I'm sure she'd love to go get her hair done and do her makeup more than once a month, but her lifestyle doesn't allow for that kind of primping. And to be honest, if my husband told me he was thinking of cheating on me because of that I'd tell him to go for it. If that's all it takes, then I don't need him because he's a superficial jerk of a husband who is only thinking about himself anyway. But that's me.
 

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1- Been married for 5 years and we have two toddlers

2- Wife stay home mom and half time online school.

3- I work full time with full time grad school

4- I work 4 days long hours and I have 3 days off


- I'm semi Lazy person, I dont help as much in the house ( not sure what normal husband suppose to do) I put kids to sleep. take family once a week out and twice and once a week I take them to my parents.

- I like to dress up for work and always like to have nice dress up clothing

- stopped working out few months ago ( 5 months) i gained 20LB

- I work in a large Business area.

My problem

- Wife Does not take care of her self. Today is the 10/31 and as I remember that last time she did her hair was Saturday 10/27.

- she wears same old home wear things even I seems to buy her new stuff for the house every once and a while but i feel like I dont see them.

- I'm not sure how to put this without hurting anyone, but you see some woemn beautiful naturally without any make up and no matter what they wear at home they look decent. well, my wife does not look that way and has to take care of herself with make up to look beautiful ( I mean home make up). wife has perfect body I'm talking, J Lo, J Aniston Body.

- sometimes when we go out, she barely touch her face with make up.

- we have talked so many times. I told her about my concern and fursteration and told her even I could cheat because she dont take care of herself. I told her I meet and see alot women at my work place and they are super hot and dress up nice.
I told her that in so many ways. she does make up for a day or may be two then stops.

- a year ago I even told her sister and her mom that I need a solution they talked to her and changed.

- just last week, we get in argument about something, then early morning while at work she text me saying I dont love you and I'm not even attracted to you out of no where.

- got home and gave her flowers i picked from garden and she said she was mad about an argument we have.

- if you ask me. yes I'm not in love with her like I used to be and not attracted to her physically because I dont her freaking body with these daily home clothes she wears.

- even all of that I still try to kiss her and tell her I love you and hug her daily just to keep myself and my family together.


sorry for my typos when I'm fursterated and mad I type very fast and skip words and letters.

by the way she is 30 and I'm 31.

I'm 5'10' weight 215lb with built features and extra weight.
What is your wife's favorite thing to do?

What are your wife's interests?

What does her day usually consist of?

What is her favorite color?

How much time does she get to spend doing her favorite thing to do?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
everything you guys said very true.

she very emotional person. I also work hard, she lives in a nice house driving a nice car and she has everything she want, she goes vacation every year.

I dont want her to look stepford wife or super model. but just two mintues of hair brush and little make up would work with me.

why we are not in love? for many reasons. but that is not the issue.

I hate my job but that does not mean i neglect myself and dont look good when I go to work.
 

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everything you guys said very true.

she very emotional person. I also work hard, she lives in a nice house driving a nice car and she has everything she want, she goes vacation every year.

I dont want her to look stepford wife or super model. but just two mintues of hair brush and little make up would work with me.

why we are not in love? for many reasons. but that is not the issue.

I hate my job but that does not mean i neglect myself and dont look good when I go to work.
And I'm 100% sure if she had to get up and leave the house to go to an office to work she would do exactly as you do...

She's not in an office all day, she's at home with 2 little people that make messes of epic proportions. I wouldn't be wearing dressy clothes trying to care for babies either, that's just plain dumb. I'd be trashed in 10.2 seconds.

You're being unreasonable. That's all there is to it.
 

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I hate my job but that does not mean i neglect myself and dont look good when I go to work.
That's not the point. If you were a construction worker would you wear a suit to work? And then on the weekends when you aren't working do you put on your suit and tie? She is constantly working because she is a stay at home mom and probably has no reason to dress up. Like another poster said, give her a reason to dress up and she will. Going to parent's homes isn't a reason to dress up. Going out to a nice dinner or something is. Put her in more environments that require her to dress up and I guarantee she will. Keep her at home watching two kids and it's kind of hard to focus on herself because she is putting them first.

You should try putting them or her first and see how it works.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
What is your wife's favorite thing to do?
anything that involve going out, date nights, outdoors, traveling


What are your wife's interests?

every day she has an interset. if it is not for me pushing to go to school she would have never done it. I search and register her for classes. she was always like that before we had kids.


What does her day usually consist of?

during my workd day, I dont know, i leave at 6am and back 8pm. during my days off I hold the kids one day while she goes out with her friends once a week. clean the house. work on the house together.
during my days at work many times she goes out with smaller one while older one in school to hang out with her friend or go to the mall or shopping etc. of course she cooks.

What is her favorite color?

Black, pink, brown, taupe.


How much time does she get to spend doing her favorite thing to do?
if she wants to do something she is able to do it, im open to hold the kids for her while she goes out
 

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Wives will often follow the lead of their man.

First of all, get yourself back in shape! You are WAY more than 20 pounds overweight for your height....I dont care how muscular you are.....you should be like 165-170....maybe 180 if you are a big boned muscled up guy.

Cut back on the eating of junk and carbs.....you can lose that weight with minimal working out if you eat better....low glycemic diet....GNC protein powder products make it very easy for me to keep in a normal weight and low body fat percent with just a few hours a week weight lifting and a little ab work....and Im 46 not 31!!!

Seems like almost ALL women like men with a flat stomach.....make that your goal. My wife seems to love it that she can see my abs...not six pack oh well....haha...

You have to deal with that to put yourself in a position to even make a comment...otherwise you are a hypocrite.

She may perk up just from your leadership...IF you get back into shape, eat well, start doing some reasonable housework help...especially guy stuff like outdoor maintenance and handyman type stuff...that should be your area....(considering your schedule you should not be doing all the laundry, cooking etc..that would not be reasonable).

At her age, why are you saying she needs makeup to look good?

She has a hot body per you.....so what if her face is not perfect?

Did you fall in love with her based upon her face with makeup on??? With hair "done.." Her hair does not look ok just washed and natural brushed?

I like it when my wife wears nice things around the house and told her so years ago..so she wears REASONABLE things around the house...things that look "ok" but also allow her comfort. Even if its gym shorts she gets nice ones and I like it.

Sometimes its hard if its TOO NICE...then I want to chase her around all the time...lol.

Man, my wife is 45, she does not have a celebrity body, but I think she is at a normal weight and good enough body and looks lovely to me.

Because I really love her I think I must not notice all the imperfections.....if I WANTED to list them I could....but I dont dwell on that cause I love her and Im attracted to her as a whole package....

Sometimes Im not sure WHY..haha...but I just am.

Her face is not perfect, but I like her with or without makeup! I would not expect her to wear makeup at home for me....and I can go out with her either way.....a little makeup is nice at times....

If I had a SAHM as a wife I still don't think Id expect her to wear makeup for me at home?

Are you attracted to her only by her looks?

You guys need to work on yourselves together.....work out together sometimes if you can.....she needs to WANT to look good for you....same for you.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
And I'm 100% sure if she had to get up and leave the house to go to an office to work she would do exactly as you do...

She's not in an office all day, she's at home with 2 little people that make messes of epic proportions. I wouldn't be wearing dressy clothes trying to care for babies either, that's just plain dumb. I'd be trashed in 10.2 seconds.

You're being unreasonable. That's all there is to it.

I dont want her to wear a dress. I dont want her to look dressy. I want her just to brush her hair and a little nice light make up on face nothing more. boxers, shorts I love on her.
 

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I dont want her to wear a dress. I dont want her to look dressy. I want her just to brush her hair and a little nice light make up on face nothing more. boxers, shorts I love on her.
Make up, with toddlers? OH OK. You're really out of touch. She should leave the house on you at 6AM to 8PM one day and see how much you accomplish on your own. Including taking a shower.

You're a piece of work.
 

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I dont use makeup and men still look at me! Women don't need to put a bunch of stuff in their faces to look attractive!
I do agree that it doesn't hurt to put some use lipstick and bronze, but more than that is just overkill, specially if she is staying at home.
LESS, IS MORE!!
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Wives will often follow the lead of their man.

First of all, get yourself back in shape! You are WAY more than 20 pounds overweight for your height....I dont care how muscular you are.....you should be like 165-170....maybe 180 if you are a big boned muscled up guy.

Cut back on the eating of junk and carbs.....you can lose that weight with minimal working out if you eat better....low glycemic diet....GNC protein powder products make it very easy for me to keep in a normal weight and low body fat percent with just a few hours a week weight lifting and a little ab work....and Im 46 not 31!!!

Seems like almost ALL women like men with a flat stomach.....make that your goal. My wife seems to love it that she can see my abs...not six pack oh well....haha...

You have to deal with that to put yourself in a position to even make a comment...otherwise you are a hypocrite.

She may perk up just from your leadership...IF you get back into shape, eat well, start doing some reasonable housework help...especially guy stuff like outdoor maintenance and handyman type stuff...that should be your area....(considering your schedule you should not be doing all the laundry, cooking etc..that would not be reasonable).

At her age, why are you saying she needs makeup to look good?

She has a hot body per you.....so what if her face is not perfect?

Did you fall in love with her based upon her face with makeup on??? With hair "done.." Her hair does not look ok just washed and natural brushed?

I like it when my wife wears nice things around the house and told her so years ago..so she wears REASONABLE things around the house...things that look "ok" but also allow her comfort. Even if its gym shorts she gets nice ones and I like it.

Sometimes its hard if its TOO NICE...then I want to chase her around all the time...lol.

Man, my wife is 45, she does not have a celebrity body, but I think she is at a normal weight and good enough body and looks lovely to me.

Because I really love her I think I must not notice all the imperfections.....if I WANTED to list them I could....but I dont dwell on that cause I love her and Im attracted to her as a whole package....

Sometimes Im not sure WHY..haha...but I just am.

Her face is not perfect, but I like her with or without makeup! I would not expect her to wear makeup at home for me....and I can go out with her either way.....a little makeup is nice at times....

If I had a SAHM as a wife I still don't think Id expect her to wear makeup for me at home?

Are you attracted to her only by her looks?

You guys need to work on yourselves together.....work out together sometimes if you can.....she needs to WANT to look good for you....same for you.
THANK YOU THANK YOU. Best advice ever. you are great.
like i said. gym clothes at home. boxers, shorts, nice small comfy skirt for the home I'm all fine by it. I dont want her dressy, i dont want her full make up. just something very quick and nice. atleast just when i get home.
 

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Actually...I don't see a big issue with fixing yourself up a little for your man. Gotta keep the home fires burning. Being a mom is no excuse to let yourself go.
I agree completely but him saying the last time she did her hair was 4 days ago like she never does it. Really, 4 days? Give her a break already. He is being extremely judgmental of his own wife.
 

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Actually...I don't see a big issue with fixing yourself up a little for your man. Gotta keep the home fires burning. Being a mom is no excuse to let yourself go.
She's not letting herself go, he's the one that's overweight. He hides it with his fancy clothes though so I guess that's a-ok.

He's talking about make-up and hair. Around toddlers all day long... he's not even home to enjoy it. Maybe she DID have it on at some point, but the day wore it all off by the time he got home.
 
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