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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone know the rights of privacy around audio & video recording?

My stbxw no longer lives in the house but I'm wondering if she records anything. She was showing up and going through the house over and over like she was looking for something. She has been recording our phone calls for w/e reason. I have nothing to hide but I'm curious if you own the home can you make recordings of any kind legally even though you don't live there any more?

I'm also considering asking her to pay half the property taxes, since she will get money from tax returns she should be responsible for half the cost of common assets.

I have a call into a lawyer to find out but thought someone here might have experience with this

She has the password to our Internet connection/modem and I found that she had been using some tracking ip stuff a month ago. I'm wondering if she can track my net use from another location

Any advice?
 

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Linguist said:
Does anyone know the rights of privacy around audio & video recording?
As for the audio recording, the legallity is fairly strict and varies from state to state. Some are okay if only one person knows, some require both parties to agree. Does she ask you is she can record? You need to check your states statues to be positive.

If she has recording devices installed in your home, that is another matter. There are some invasion of privacy laws she is in violation of if that is the case.

Video recording usually follows the same rules, but a little more lenient if it is only video. Granted, security video for home protection with audio may be a different case. Again check the statues.

Linguist said:
She has the password to our Internet connection/modem and I found that she had been using some tracking ip stuff a month ago. I'm wondering if she can track my net use from another location
Yes, she can. If she has gained access to your computer, she could have installed keylogging software to determine all of your passwords. Again, unless she has your permission she may be in violation of the law. Anything she gains this way will most likely be not be admissible as evidence in court.

Regardless of if you have anything to hide or not, you need to install a no-contact rule with your stbx and break any connections she has to you and your privacy.

If I were you, here is some of what I would consider:

1. If she has moved out, which she has, and you have exclusive use of the home, change the locks. She does not need to be in your home wandering around. Especially if you are not there.

2. No more phone calls, except true emergencies. Otherwise, hang up with a polite, "Please send me an email." All communication should be in a documentable format - text or email. Eliminates the he said/she said.

3. Change your internet provider or request a new IP address. Again, she does not need access to your personal stuff.

4. Check your computer for keylogging software. (I would reformat my computer and start fresh). Change all of your passwords.

Some of this will also depend on the status of your divorce and any court rulings to date. Your lawyer should be able to assist.

As for the property taxes, write it into your divorce paperwork to split like everything else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have my computer pw protected so can't access it

I thought it was illegal change the locks? She refuses to give the keys back

We don't have lawyers as we are in agreement of custody and have few assets, we have yet to determine CS because she is refusing to work and gone on food stamps, I won't agree to any cs until she puts down her earning capability,mshenis a college grad

I'm wondering if she can track my net use from another location? If she has my modem ow?

I have nothing to hide

I would imagine any video would be deemed unacceptable as it did not exist prior

I'm simply not going to pay her share of the taxes, it's her responsibility as a shared asset and the mortgage is in her name

There seems o be no low she won't sink to and has no understanding how her actions effect others, it's all about immediate gratification and trying to make me anxious, I no longer live in fear as my job is secure and I'm too much an involved father to lose custody
 

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If she has keylogger installed on your computer, she will know what you typed even without your password. The keylogger mails the stuff over to her. Wherever you use your laptop..

What does she do for a living ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm using an iPad , is there key logger for that?

She has decided to not get a job and go on food stamps, she is a college grad

I won't agree to cs until she agrees to use a value for her income that is reasonable
 

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I thought it was illegal change the locks? She refuses to give the keys back
Change the locks, or just have a locksmith re-key the home. what is she going to do?

If she moved out, file in court for exclusive use of the marital home. Then you can do what you want. In some states (Like NC), if one party moves out and establishes another residence, it is criminal trespassing for that party to enter the home without permission. Food for thought.

We don't have lawyers as we are in agreement of custody and have few assets, we have yet to determine CS because she is refusing to work and gone on food stamps, I won't agree to any cs until she puts down her earning capability,mshenis a college grad
So she has decided to divorce you and be a sponge on taxpayers? Fine upstanding woman.

At the very least, you can input her at minimum wage. Does she have any kind of earning history? If so, you can use that as a basis for CS calculation.

I'm wondering if she can track my net use from another location? If she has my modem ow?

I would imagine any video would be deemed unacceptable as it did not exist prior
See my previous post, cut off her ability to connect to you.

As for video, I am correct that she is entering the home while you are not there? Usually as long as you are taking video in areas that are not assumed to have some level of privacy (bathroom/bedroom), you will be okay. Check the statues in your state.

I'm simply not going to pay her share of the taxes, it's her responsibility as a shared asset and the mortgage is in her name

There seems to be no low she won't sink to and has no understanding how her actions effect others, it's all about immediate gratification and trying to make me anxious, I no longer live in fear as my job is secure and I'm too much an involved father to lose custody
I hope for your sake that you are documenting your involvement and that you are fighting for primary custody of your children. Build your case (that documentable evidence) to use for your benefit, especially if she is using all the tricks in the book.

Don't be the nice guy and fall on your sword in order to have an "amiable" divorce. It only works if both sides are playing fairly. Hold her accountable for her behavior and take care of your children. I would consult a couple lawyers on your possibilities for custody. At a minimum you should get 50/50. Based on what she has done, you might be able to use the argument that your stbx's actions are not in the best interest of the children and go for more.

Read this if you truly want to cover your bases, it discusses what you need and how to plan your stategy for your divorce, from a Dad's point of view. THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I agree with you but I want to just file jointly, have equal custody, and move on

I am an enabler and have been supportive but now I see that I can't enable her to play the victim and I should not be paying her share of e bills. It took awhile to find the courage to stand up to her. I can't believe I have to explain this to a 28 year old, that she needs to pay her way

She is very aggressive and manipulative, lies compulsively at this point. I don't need to waste money on a lawyer as I am an unusually involved father, all my consultations have explained as such. She doesn't want to waste money on a lawyer, but ow I'm going to draw the line on paying her bills. She uses e "your only hurting your child if you don't give me money" meanwhile she won't get a job outside waiting/bar tending twice a week and has elected to go on food stamps instead. She has a degree and could get a job easy. She doesn't pay for rent where she lives and she has tried and failed at threatening my job and my toyed with my head to make me feel anxious but I'm no longer afraid
 

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I agree with you but I want to just file jointly, have equal custody, and move on
There is no "Joint" in divorce. One person is the plaintiff and one person is the defendant. I will assume you mean "amiable".

As I mentioned, amiable only works if BOTH sides play fair. She obviously is not playing fair, why should you accept that her agreement will be fair?

I am an enabler and have been supportive but now I see that I can't enable her to play the victim and I should not be paying her share of e bills. It took awhile to find the courage to stand up to her. I can't believe I have to explain this to a 28 year old, that she needs to pay her way

She is very aggressive and manipulative, lies compulsively at this point. I don't need to waste money on a lawyer as I am an unusually involved father, all my consultations have explained as such. She doesn't want to waste money on a lawyer, but ow I'm going to draw the line on paying her bills. She uses e "your only hurting your child if you don't give me money" meanwhile she won't get a job outside waiting/bar tending twice a week and has elected to go on food stamps instead. She has a degree and could get a job easy. She doesn't pay for rent where she lives and she has tried and failed at threatening my job and my toyed with my head to make me feel anxious but I'm no longer afraid
You may be involved, but do you document your involvement? You need evidence if you have to go to court, hence the link I gave you. It has detailed descriptions of what is considered good evidence.

Your stbx will stoop low to undercut you. This is why I recommend using a lawyer. Make sure that everything is written up correctly and covers ALL the bases. If you think she is bad now, just wait for a couple of years down the road. You want everything included in the final decree so that she has no room to budge. You don't want to have to go back to court later to try and modify. Do not write an ambiguous decree that has to many gray areas, you will live to regret it.

Last, but not least, give up on trying to control her and make her realize she has obligations. She is her own person and will have to live with her decisions. Do not default on your bills simply because she should "pay her part", it will ruin both of your credit scores. Separate yourself from her: bank accounts, credit cards, loans, material things, everything.

Continue to be a great Dad and live your life they way you would like.
 
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