Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 75 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,528 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I know this has been covered before, but who is in favor of women not taking their husband's last name or those in favor of taking the last name? Because to me if you don't wanna do that and make it a symbol of unity that's been going on for hundreds of years, then just live together as boyfriend and girlfriend or as fiances. My wife actually took her last name and legally made it her middle name and I'm cool with that, but had she insisted on carrying seperate names then I would have called off the wedding and requested that we just be live in lovers who are committed to each other.

I know of two couples who are married and didn't change names, and I always just view them as two people in love living together as seperate individuals.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,522 Posts
It's not true that taking the husband's last name is what has been done for hundreds of years.

Different cultures, different times in history it was done differently.


I"ve always used...

Ele MaidenName HusbandsName

My female relatives in Italy, I mean the ones my grandmother's age did the same thing. So I followed that tradition. I used both names on at all times.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
135 Posts
I have friends who have taken their husband's name, I have friend's who have taken their wife's name. I have friends who both took a new name together. I have friends who kept their maiden names, and ones who hyphenated/morphed their names in all kinds of creative ways.

This has no indication as to how much or little they love their spouses and doesn't seem to be an indication of how many months, years or decades they'll stay together either.

If matters of the family name are important for one or both of the spouses — then they are important for them as a couple. If not, everyone else can butt out of it, in my opinion.

Full disclosure: Me and my H kept our maiden names. Reasons: 1) We are from completely different culture as are our names. All efforts to combine them just sound plain weird and unnatural. 2) To us, marriage wasn't about me joining his family or him joining my family. It was us, aware of our reparate lingiages and histories, forming a union together. 3) We got married early and tbh were not sure if it would last. Less hassle that way.

Only other option for us would've been us both taking a completely new name / some morph of both our names. Didn't come up with one so we went with the easier option of keeping them like they are. :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
My husband wouldn't marry me unless I agreed to take his last name. And yes we discussed it BEFORE he proposed.

My last name sucks but it came with a wonderful husband so I deal. After 21 years I'm used to it now. Now I get to listen to my kids complain about their last name. LOL

I dropped my maiden name completely.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,528 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
My husband wouldn't marry me unless I agreed to take his last name. And yes we discussed it BEFORE he proposed.

My last name sucks but it came with a wonderful husband so I deal. After 21 years I'm used to it now. Now I get to listen to my kids complain about their last name. LOL

I dropped my maiden name completely.
That's something else to think about how freakin CONFUSING it will be for the kids to have parents with different last names, and all the questions & explanations that will come about from friends and classmates. Why would you wanna put your child through all that - it's cruel.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
With all the divorces you get used to it. As room mother for my kids classes its common for some kids to have different last names than the parents these days.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,979 Posts
Why would you wanna put your child through all that - it's cruel.
My nephews (10 & 14) have there father's last name while mom has her own. Their parents aren't married. The nephews deal just fine, it's all they know.

Mrs P, who was a citizen of another (very bureaucratic) country when we got married asked her embassy if she needed to register the marriage and if she could keep her last name. No need while living abroad and gasp, of course, otherwise the children will have a different name. She kept her last name and we have no kids, worked out fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
I was so excited to take my husband's last name. :D I wear it with pride.

He loves calling me "Mrs. [his last name]". I had no qualms about changing it. I had my dad's name, and then I got married. I don't see the big deal. Maybe some women see a big deal, and that's between them and their husbands, but to me, I love having his name.

My older daughter has her dad's name. It's not a big deal. When she gets married she can change it or not. My mom remarried and we had different last names for a while (when I was a kid). I didn't care. She was still my mom.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
I dropped my maiden name completely.
I dropped mine too. The only one who has it now is my sister. And my mom. My dad (it is his name) is dead. The name dies with us. No males born.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Because to me if you don't wanna do that and make it a symbol of unity that's been going on for hundreds of years, then just live together as boyfriend and girlfriend or as fiances.
Some traditions make sense to me - when the 2 become ONE....

I'm old fashioned in this sense ....My husband would feel "rejected" if I didn't want to take his name....this was something I was happy to do - never even thought of it really... I guess I live in an old hick town, we don't even know a soul who hasn't been traditional in this sense.

I met a Boy growing up -his last name was QUEER, then we have a "Weiner" in Politics...if those Girlfriends were a little gun shy with taking those last names.... I could surely understand..

I do feel it makes it easier for the kids also ...IF different last names, the majority will assume you aren't married (wouldn't you?)...this would bother me in itself....I wouldn't want others to think this....if I am happy to be married & be on my Husband's arm.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
In Latin cultures, the children get the names of both their parents...and the parents have the names of both THEIR parents. It gets pretty confusing. I do believe the children get the father's father's name and the mother's father's name? Not sure...but all my children have 2 last names in class.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,979 Posts
My husband would feel "rejected" if I didn't want to take his name
Rejected not quite the right word, I think I was more confused, what do you mean you're not going to be a Parker? It was more logistical issue, wife and my unmarried sister work in the family business. The both have compound first names, sames names in different order, that caused a lot of confusion. Quickly I became OK with it. It took my parents over a decade and half.

IF different last names, the majority will assume you aren't married (wouldn't you?)
Not really how it works, I find. They assume we both have whoever's last name they know. I will in certain circumstances answer to Mr Smith. For the most part people who know we have different last names will already know we are married.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
26,391 Posts
My wife actually has two middle names. She kept here given middle name and added maiden name as a second middle name and took my last name. She essentially said taking my surname as her last name just made senses. People ask less questions and thus one does not need to clarify who we are as a family.

Down side, when we signed our mortgage... She had to sign her complete legal signature a lot. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,478 Posts
I just KNEW my H was the right man for me when I heard his last name... it suited me more than my maiden name.

I grow produce for a farmers market...mostly 'greens' and I'm also an organic grower...a 'greenie' you might say.

Can you guess my surname?

I also preferred to have the same surname as my H and future children.

I love being Mrs (insert name here) and I also love the family i married into.
So I took his name happily..

Never felt any pressure.. it was what I wanted.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,446 Posts
My wife took my last name.

But if she had decided to keep her own last name, and I in turn decided to call off the wedding because of it, then that signifies that she wasn't the woman for me. I couldn't justify tossing my baby aside all because she wanted to keep her own last name.

By the way, women have NOT always taken their husband's last name. That all comes down to what culture and society you hail from. Plenty of societies have had traditions that did not involve a wife taking the last name.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,668 Posts
My wife chooses to leave her credit cards in the following format :

Mrs. Entropy3000

We have been married a long time and this was not that uncommon when we married. That said, we occasionally get a reaction from a young kid at the cashier when she uses her card. This was her choice.

But she generally has taken my last name since we married.

Besides my last name is freaking cool and always gets a response. I think she digs that. People even sing.

Update: So I am seeing yet another way that my wife honors and respects me that is no longer so common. Good deal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,290 Posts
My wife chooses to leave her credit cards in the following format :

Mrs. Entropy3000

We have been married a long time and this was not that uncommon when we married. That said, we occasionally get a reaction from a young kid at the cashier when she uses her card. This was her choice.

But she generally has taken my last name since we married.

Besides my last name is freaking cool and always gets a response. I think she digs that. People even sing.
Haha my husband's dad was Hungarian. The last name is, I believe, Hungarian. Of course, it could be something else. And, it is SOOO fun listening to people try to pronounce it! My maiden name is a common word, but married name is much less common.

Yes, I was one who chose to take her husband's name. My name is [Maricha] [Given middle name] [husband's last name]. I dropped the maiden name. However, in honor of my paternal grandmother, who passed away when I was 15, we named our daughter after her. I have no brothers, only sisters, so the name dies with us girls.
 
1 - 20 of 75 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top