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Discussion Starter #1
What does one expect from their WS after the fact that shows responsibility?
Each day goes buy, the kids still need feeding, and floor needs hovering. Still have to work and get on with things, so what defines your cheating partner taking responsibility for the betrayal?
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Well, I am attempting to reconcile. And I gave my wife a list of demands. Some are from earlier when she initially told me, some are newer. They are all followed.

Demands:
Access to your phone
Quit your job
Limit any and all male contact
Cut the friends I don't approve of
If any male, ex-friend, or the OM call you, you tell me the first chance you get. You don't, we got problems.
I get your passwords to your facebook, email, anything else
No more GNO
I expect you to live
I'm going to be volatile. I know it. You know it. But you said you wanted this marriage to work. So you better be ready to deal with them. If you're not, door is right there.
Anything you want to talk about with other people, your friends, your family, even here, you ask me about it first. If I say no, that means no.
If I find out you fail any of the above, we are going to have problems.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
That's not her taking responsibility though is it? (question) I mean that's just doing what you've asked of her, what is actual responsibility, and does she still get ****ty with you over anything?
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Well, I am attempting to reconcile. And I gave my wife a list of demands. Some are from earlier when she initially told me, some are newer. They are all followed.

Demands:
Access to your phone
Quit your job
Limit any and all male contact
Cut the friends I don't approve of
If any male, ex-friend, or the OM call you, you tell me the first chance you get. You don't, we got problems.
I get your passwords to your facebook, email, anything else
No more GNO
I expect you to live
I'm going to be volatile. I know it. You know it. But you said you wanted this marriage to work. So you better be ready to deal with them. If you're not, door is right there.
Anything you want to talk about with other people, your friends, your family, even here, you ask me about it first. If I say no, that means no.
If I find out you fail any of the above, we are going to have problems.
Nearly everything you listed, I agree with...but I am curious about one thing. She can't talk to her mom or any other female relatives without you giving the ok? Nor her dad? I apologize, I am not sure which family members are still in her life. But I have to say, unless I am mistaken, that is isolating her from family. Unless it is just certain subjects, you mean? Yes, I know the story. I followed both threads months ago. I am just curious about the family part, as well as posting here.... Oh, and is she seeing a counselor? If so, I really hope you don't limit what she is allowed to say to the counselor.... Sorry if I completely misunderstood, it's just that one demand just struck me as odd. =/

My husband sees this forum as a blessing to us. He can see how it has helped me. LOL He even told me the other day to watch what I say so I DON'T get banned! :D
 

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Discussion Starter #7
To be honest, I don't really know, I'm not clear on what it is, have a better grasp on what it's not. Sooo many emotions going on I don't know if I have a proper understanding of some things.
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That's not her taking responsibility though is it? (question) I mean that's just doing what you've asked of her, what is actual responsibility, and does she still get ****ty with you over anything?
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Oh yea, she gets...agitated about some things. And lets me know it. Almost drives me crazy. But lets me know she loves me. :D

She told me about her affair.
And she tried defending herself to me once.
And I left the house.
She hasn't tried defending herself to me since.

She has given me some crap about some incredibly stupid things I did, but she has never defended herself beyond that one time. She openly told me, I was the perfect husband to her, and that she takes 100% of the blame for the affair.

She never fought me on anything.
I wanted to divorce, she agreed, and never fought me. I wanted her out, and she left (may have had to do a bit of nudging here), then asked her to come back home, and she did.

Going to bed now. And glad to know she'll be right next to me. :D
 

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Nearly everything you listed, I agree with...but I am curious about one thing. She can't talk to her mom or any other female relatives without you giving the ok? Nor her dad? I apologize, I am not sure which family members are still in her life. But I have to say, unless I am mistaken, that is isolating her from family. Unless it is just certain subjects, you mean? Yes, I know the story. I followed both threads months ago. I am just curious about the family part, as well as posting here.... Oh, and is she seeing a counselor? If so, I really hope you don't limit what she is allowed to say to the counselor.... Sorry if I completely misunderstood, it's just that one demand just struck me as odd. =/

My husband sees this forum as a blessing to us. He can see how it has helped me. LOL He even told me the other day to watch what I say so I DON'T get banned! :D
But had to respond to this real quick.

As for her family and here, what I meant was, there are certain things I don't want her talking about. To them, or posting here, I don't want it brought up except in counseling.

As for our MC or her IC, that is all open. I don't know what she says to her IC, but I tell her it is all open. I figure for healing, you can't try to run it through a water strainer. It needs everything in it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
 
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