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Discussion Starter #1
This guy I've been dating for 3 months doesn't really take initiative when it comes to making date plans. He did at first but not anymore unless I suggest something. He's interested in me but it feels like he's gotten too comfortable. It's starting to get a little boring. It would feel nice to be pursued a little bit. Should I make myself less available?

Any thoughts/tips/advice?
 

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Thoughts. It's a pity that dating is dead in western society. I used to enjoy it a lot.
Tips, A movie is a poor choice for a date because it includes 90 minutes of not talking to each other.
Advice. Since you came to the mens forum. I would advise someone who wants to go on dates. Who wants to go on Great Dates. Who wants to go on frequent dates. I would advise that person to start planing and inviting some people out for dates.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
We did do a couple of fun things (outdoors stuff), and given the Covid context we can't go to restaurants too often but everything is open now. We ate out once and it was my suggestion :/ All we do is hang out at home... Maybe it's just his personality?
 

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I would say partially.

I don't know how old you are, but in general, boys aren't taught how to date, and society no longer encourages it.

Men do what women require in order to have consistent, convenient access to sex. That's their end game - to have sex with you.

So, whether it's dating or marriage, your standards play a huge part in what men are willing to offer you. And if you've already had sex, your requests are more likely to go unheard.

3 months really isn't that long, in terms of knowing someone.

If it were me, I would shut down the 'hanging out', and I would offer an option that you'd genuinely enjoy doing, that's also acceptable during a pandemic with some cities going crazy.

As an example, when he asks to come over or he invites you over: 'No thank you - I don't want to watch a movie, but I'd love to go hiking.'

Maybe it's just his personality?
 

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Please elaborate on this:
All we do is hang out at home
your home? his home? your shared home?
You see moving in is the death kiss for dating. It shouldn't be, but it often is.
Part of dating is anticipation of seeing each other. Part of dating is getting the car ready. it is preparing to make an impression.
When you spend Saturday morning washing his socks, it's hard to anticipate an evening walk in the park saturday night.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Men do what women require in order to have consistent, convenient access to sex. That's their end game - to have sex with you.
Hmm that puts a lot into perspective. He does have consistent, convenient access to sex so maybe he doesn't feel like he needs to make an effort.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Please elaborate on this:

your home? his home? your shared home?
You see moving in is the death kiss for dating. It shouldn't be, but it often is.
Part of dating is anticipation of seeing each other. Part of dating is getting the car ready. it is preparing to make an impression.
When you spend Saturday morning washing his socks, it's hard to anticipate an evening walk in the park saturday night.
No we don't live together. We either spend time at my place or his (on average 4 times a week). We only see each other every other week as I have shared custody of my child with ex. You'd think he'd make more effort to spend more quality time together given we don't see each other for a full week. Like there's no build up/no anticipation. No flirting in-between. I tried to flirt and sext many times but it's a dead end.

He did that whole making an impression bit at first but he kind of started slacking off a month or so in. He's an engineer and works a lot so maybe it's part of his personality but a woman needs to feel desired!
 

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Okay. So this is not someone you're dating. This is a man you're having sex with - and calling it dating. It's not the same thing.

And since you're the one who last initiated (the one time you ate out???), I'd say your interaction is mostly on his terms.

You have to be honest with yourself about what you want from a relationship. That's what it means to be a person of integrity - to know yourself and be willing to live by that standard.

So, again, if it were me, I'd sit and brainstorm. Think about who you are and what you want from life. Just make a list.

And if getting used for sex isn't on your list, then that's something to change.

Hmm that puts a lot into perspective. He does have consistently, convenient access to sex so maybe he doesn't feel like he needs to make an effort.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Okay. So this is not someone you're dating. This is a man you're having sex with - and calling it dating. It's not the same thing.

And since you're the one who last initiated (the one time you ate out???), I'd say your interaction is mostly on his terms.

You have to be honest with yourself about what you want from a relationship. That's what it means to be a person of integrity - to know yourself and be willing to live by that standard.

So, again, if it were me, I'd sit and brainstorm. Think about who you are and what you want from life. Just make a list.

And if getting used for sex isn't on your list, then that's something to change.
Hm yes he hasn't even introduced me to his friends or invited to anything with his friends. I have though...
Maybe 3 months is too soon?
 

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This guy I've been dating for 3 months doesn't really take initiative when it comes to making date plans. He did at first but not anymore unless I suggest something. He's interested in me but it feels like he's gotten too comfortable. It's starting to get a little boring. It would feel nice to be pursued a little bit. Should I make myself less available?

Any thoughts/tips/advice?
Thing is he is more or less a couch potato and just did dates long enough to get you hooked, but if this is not the kind of guy you are looking for, this is the time to just stop going out with him. Because there's lots of guys like this. They'd opt for just staying home doing nothing or gaming or watching tv and pay attention to you when they decide they want sex bad enough. Dating is to find out what kind of person they are. He needs another homebody who can also entertain herself at home, I guess, and be content that way. I can't stand holing up with someone that way. I find the conversation stalls out and you hit the wall if you're both not continuing to do interesting things to have something new to talk about.

This is one of those "It is what it is" things. You've got to have your eyes open and realize the longer you know him, you are just seeing who he really is, and this is it. Snore.
 
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Last chance, not kidding.
I have little patience for man bashing in the clubhouse, take it to the lounge. . . . or anywhere but here.
1> If you are planning the dates and choosing the activities and destinations then, "your interaction is mostly on" Your "terms."
2> If you are meeting regularly at his place or yours with the intention of sharing sex then you are NOT "getting used for sex ".
3> The typical engineer is not "more or less a couch potato", although they do spend a lot of time with their computers.
Men get away with the types of behavior accused here because, and only because, Women Select for those traits.
The way that the problems you are having with your relationship are fixed is by another man that he respects giving him some mentoring. That is what the clubhouse is for.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
Last chance, not kidding.
I have little patience for man bashing in the clubhouse, take it to the lounge. . . . or anywhere but here.
1> If you are planning the dates and choosing the activities and destinations then, "your interaction is mostly on" Your "terms."
I've suggested things and most of the time he turned me down. I talked about going on real dates (night out) and his response was "are you saying what we're doing are not real dates"? (camping, cooking at home, sometimes we watch movies but mostly don't coz we want to interact instead). Not that these aren't real but it's boring to do it over and over.

2> If you are meeting regularly at his place or yours with the intention of sharing sex then you are NOT "getting used for sex ".
We meet at both places and there's never booty calls. But it still does feel like we just meet to cook and have sex. I'm losing interest.

3> The typical engineer is not "more or less a couch potato", although they do spend a lot of time with their computers.
He's super into his work.
Men get away with the types of behavior accused here because, and only because, Women Select for those traits.
The way that the problems you are having with your relationship are fixed is by another man that he respects giving him some mentoring. That is what the clubhouse is for.
My replies are in blue. I've also tried to initiate meaningful conversations and he just gives short answers and changes the subject. This is making me think he's either immature, emotionally unavailable or not interested in me to ask me about my life.

Am I creating issues over nothing?
 

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The dating situation is complicated by the pandemic, that may cramp his style. Tell him what you want, don't play games, if he doesn't like what you like consider moving on.

Or maybe just dump him since he's a man and you've already been told we're all pervs/rapists anyway.
 

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You have good chemistry and romantic incompatibility. You don't like doing the same things. If it soothes your ego to call him immature, go for it. Incompatibility at 3 months just means you both pick too soon. The definition of meaningful conversation varies widely.
 

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If the relationship is casual, then yes you are creating issues, because it will be short. If you actually are aiming for something more serious/long lasting then: BAYER BEWARE. You are getting a glimpse into how things would be if you stay for the long haul. Remember/be aware: this is him at his best ever.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
You have good chemistry and romantic incompatibility. You don't like doing the same things. If it soothes your ego to call him immature, go for it. Incompatibility at 3 months just means you both pick too soon. The definition of meaningful conversation varies widely.
Yeah maybe we're incompatible. I don't think this is about soothing my ego. I'm just trying to figure out what to do..
 
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