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After reading what Mavish said about not being feminine enough to another poster, I realized I STILL (even after being admonished by RL friends) put up walls and come across as tough and unapproachable.
It's been 9 years since separation and I know I have emotional baggage still after 7.5 years of divorce. I didn't love him but he was so mean about everything I never let him "in" - early on I started to but since everything from my body, my sexuality, my political/religious/social opinions... everything was up for ridicule.
So I've been very cautious about just letting go, and allowing myself to be open to love. Even with long-term boyfriends. Whether or not things work out with the guy I'm dating, I still haven't exposed my soul. I don't flirt with strangers, make eye contact and smile at strangers in a store like Lowe's or the grocery store. I don't project that openness that attracts people.
Does opening ones self to vulnerability happen automatically with healing? Is this something that requires work? If so what can be done? Is it a more a factor of going through the motions until it becomes more natural? How do I keep the wall knee-high instead of head-high? I guess it's all rooted in a fear of rejection - that once they know 'me' they won't like me so why bother... yet I usually feel like I pretty well like myself.
I'm thinking maybe a few IC visits? I hate starting with someone new - my family counselor moved about 3 years ago and for the 3 years prior to that I'd only gone a couple times a year about specific child-rearing issues. And the court ordered one isn't allowed to provide IC due to a conflict of interest should she ever need to testify.
Thanks for any feedback - guess I'm in an introspective point with the BF thing and possibly being back on 'the market'.
It's been 9 years since separation and I know I have emotional baggage still after 7.5 years of divorce. I didn't love him but he was so mean about everything I never let him "in" - early on I started to but since everything from my body, my sexuality, my political/religious/social opinions... everything was up for ridicule.
So I've been very cautious about just letting go, and allowing myself to be open to love. Even with long-term boyfriends. Whether or not things work out with the guy I'm dating, I still haven't exposed my soul. I don't flirt with strangers, make eye contact and smile at strangers in a store like Lowe's or the grocery store. I don't project that openness that attracts people.
Does opening ones self to vulnerability happen automatically with healing? Is this something that requires work? If so what can be done? Is it a more a factor of going through the motions until it becomes more natural? How do I keep the wall knee-high instead of head-high? I guess it's all rooted in a fear of rejection - that once they know 'me' they won't like me so why bother... yet I usually feel like I pretty well like myself.
I'm thinking maybe a few IC visits? I hate starting with someone new - my family counselor moved about 3 years ago and for the 3 years prior to that I'd only gone a couple times a year about specific child-rearing issues. And the court ordered one isn't allowed to provide IC due to a conflict of interest should she ever need to testify.
Thanks for any feedback - guess I'm in an introspective point with the BF thing and possibly being back on 'the market'.