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Discussion Starter #1
Hello all,

Recently, I have become very suspicious about my wife’s behaviour.

I would just like to know what others have done to find out if their spouse has cheated.

I’ve thought about checking her phone, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do that.

Thanks in advance.
 

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Hello all,

Recently, I have become very suspicious about my wife’s behaviour.

I would just like to know what others have done to find out if their spouse has cheated.

I’ve thought about checking her phone, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do that.

Thanks in advance.
Dude,

There's tons of posts in here describing what to do to track down a cheating spouse. But if you don't have the guts to check her phone, you're not going to get far.

You could start by describing her suspicious behaviour, I guess...

C
 

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Discussion Starter #3
My apologies,

I guess I should have done a little more research before posting. I'll take a look around before posting.

I feel like I'm going nuts...

Thanks
 

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My apologies,

I guess I should have done a little more research before posting. I'll take a look around before posting.

I feel like I'm going nuts...

Thanks
Maybe start by looking at the phone bill for an excessive amount of calls/texts to a given number (or numbers) that you don't recognize.

What type of phone does she have?
 

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Just saw your other comment from http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/184529-am-i-reading-into-things.html ...

I've been really suspicious of my wife recently as well. Something I've noticed is that she comes home an hour or two later than she normally would some days. She won't kiss me or come close to me before taking a shower, and she throws all of her clothes in the washing machine before taking a shower. Claims she's "sweaty"...
She may very well be "sweaty". The question is WHY...? Either way, these are all very bad signs. HUGE red flags.
 

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My apologies,

I guess I should have done a little more research before posting. I'll take a look around before posting.

I feel like I'm going nuts...

Thanks
No worries. My point was more that you're going to need to get the stomach to do some digging. Unless you want to toss some money at a PI... But even then, you may have to deal with some unpleasant news.

C
 

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Discussion Starter #7
She has an iPhone.

Recently she started an Art Class that she attends once a week, and after the class she usually stays out to have dinner with her classmates. The class ends around 8 and she arrives home arround 10. A few weeks into the course she came home tipsy.

Now I've noticed after class she's too tired to... But I understand because she has to get up early for work the following day. These nights too, occassionaly, not always, she wants to hit the shower before coming to bed. This is not very unusual for her. The thing that is bugging me is that she brings up the teacher every now and again, how interesting his life has been. I know the guy is married, but something just feels off...
 

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She has an iPhone.

Recently she started an Art Class that she attends once a week, and after the class she usually stays out to have dinner with her classmates. The class ends around 8 and she arrives home arround 10. A few weeks into the course she came home tipsy.

Now I've noticed after class she's too tired to... But I understand because she has to get up early for work the following day. These nights too, occassionaly, not always, she wants to hit the shower before coming to bed. This is not very unusual for her. The thing that is bugging me is that she brings up the teacher every now and again, how interesting his life has been. I know the guy is married, but something just feels off...
Seeing you haven't mentioned it, I'm assuming that you don't have kids yet... If this is the case, why the hell wouldn't you just wait for art class to be over and follow her? Are you afraid of what you're probably going to find?

It seems pretty obvious to me(and most here also) that she's probably having sex with someone besides you.
 

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I don't think this is a question about man-ing up enough. I think what your asking is if this is proper or not. I had the same question. Am I being a creep for looking at her phone records? I asked a doctor type (Who deals with this) and she said it was totally NOT creepy and if there were similar circumstances she would do it. If you find a number thats texted or called all the time *And its not you and its not the home phone? I can't explain how bad it feels to know something is going on. On the other hand if you look at the phone bill for the last year and there is no pattern? I would take that phone snooping secret to the grave.

For whatever this is worth - I think you should not show the "proof" until you've figured out what to do. Maybe Marriage therapist - expert advice and not the internet. Don't do anything you can't undo without spending some time to think rationally.

I hope you don't find anything.
 

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Tuborg I'm seeing red flags briskly waving in the breeze: Obsessing about the "teacher;" late "dinners" after class; when she finally does wander in, no hugs or even coming near you until she showers; immediately tosses clothes in the wash. I mean, how "sweaty" can you get just going to dinner after class? Something smells, and it's not her sweatiness. Grab her underwear from the hamper and have it checked. I'd be surprised if there might not be some kind of foreign substance in the crotch area. Luck to you in your quest. I truly hope you don't find anything....sincerely.
 

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Seeing you haven't mentioned it, I'm assuming that you don't have kids yet... If this is the case, why the hell wouldn't you just wait for art class to be over and follow her? Are you afraid of what you're probably going to find?
It seems pretty obvious to me(and most here also) that she's probably having sex with someone besides you.
An excellent point, Groundpounder! Come on, Tuborg, channel your internal Sherlock Holmes and get to the bottom of this mystery, although most of us here don't think there's much of a mystery. She's sneaking around.
 

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I'd probably start by asking what the deal is with the showering and washing clothes after art class. Don't ask it in a suspicious manner, laugh at it and ask if she's working with hazardous materials? See what she says.

Or you can simply ask her if there's something you both need to talk about in regards to your marriage, is she happy? is there something that needs to be fixed? should you go to counselor?

If you suspect she may be having an emotional or physical affair, do not ask her or accuse her. Let her do what she does and go where she goes. The first thing I did to determine if my wife was cheating were:

Follow her after class or meeting. Wait in parking lot of restaurant if another late night dinner with class happens.


Ask her closed end questions like:
How was class? What did you do in class? Where did you meet for after class dinner? Have you made any new friends in class? Is the teacher a good artist? Let her talk, and listen.
If she gets evasive or defensive, something is up.


Next check your phone and mobile bill. Look for late night calls or texts (after 7pm)
Look for texts or calls made on the dates of the class. Look for grouped texts from same number. If same number keeps appearing at times you are not together (at work, after bedtime, late nights, while shopping or at friends house) you have a red flag.

This is when I looked at the phone logs and texts.

look at phone log for all incoming, outgoing and missed calls.
If the frequent or suspicious phone number doesnt show on phone as it does on bill, its been deleted. Red Flag.
Look at her phone text history. If you don't find revealing texts from OM,(usually deleted ) look at her best friend's messages for any signs of meeting or talking about OM. If that's the case then my next step would be to Dr. Fone by wondershare.com. Undeletes all texts on phone.

Other ways to get proof or ease your mind:
Check bank statements for unusual debits or large cash withdraws before late nights. Check pockets of coats, look for reciepts for pharmacy, restaurants and bars, gas stations in other parts of town. Check for new underwear purchases, hair appointments, hotels.

The showering after art class and dinner is a serious red flag.
Immediately washing clothes is too. Unplug the washer when she's at the next art class. Examine clothing for mens cologne, look at undies for residue.

I'm not a professional, and don't know the legalities of my suggestions, and I've gone farther than this when exposing my WW's affair. I hope it works out for you.

Cheers
 

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usually they say to trust ur gut and ur gut is clearly saying to u that something is up....now from wat ive read and since ive been screwed over by my stbxw, i understand why ur thinking something is up.....but there is def. no obvious signs of cheating......u say she started an art class and that people are going out after for dinner or drinks or whatever......right there she is either going out with the teacher one on one or in a small group or it truly is a dinner afterwards and theyre discussing art or whatever.....this can be confirmed by tailing her after she leaves the class. Secondly she comes home and wants to have a shower becuz shes sweaty. Well this is a tad concerning. Altho u did state that she sometimes does shower at night. So shes either going out one on one with the teacher and bangin him and she needs to change becuz she got all sweaty and smells of him or she just has a sweat problem and she truly just wants to shower. The no sex thing doesnt help things altho i think women at times just would rather do something else than sex. I know I found myself checking my x wifes panties to see if there was something amiss, but without checking with a dna guy, good luck figuring out wats up with them. Good luck to u but u need to tail her and ck her phone, becuz all women love to text and that is going to be their main form of communication. Also put a VAR in her car. You'll get lots of info if that works out for u.
 

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People are generally creatures of habit and if the patterns suddenly change you should take notice. One item out of the norm usually is not a big deal but from your post and things mentioned in your other posts it looks like several things are happening at once which should cause some concern especially the not kissing before showering after being out.

How long as she been attending this art class? Bring yourself to check the phone, internet usage. Does she use facebook a great deal? Start doing some research and force yourself to do it. Something has caught her eye from the sounds of it. She may just have an admiration for the teacher. She may be trying to earn extra credit…if your suspisious of something your best bet is digging and find out now, not waiting. Don’t think you can ask her and the more you question her the more she will try to hide something if something is going on.

Has she ever invited you to meet after class when they go out? Have you asked and she said no?
 

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Seeing you haven't mentioned it, I'm assuming that you don't have kids yet... If this is the case, why the hell wouldn't you just wait for art class to be over and follow her? Are you afraid of what you're probably going to find?

It seems pretty obvious to me(and most here also) that she's probably having sex with someone besides you.

I totally agree. This is the easiest and best way to figure out what's going on first hand. Forget all the snooping crap and go see for yourself.

About 7 years ago my wife was going out with her girlfriends a bit too much for my liking and I became rather ticked off about it. I wanted to determine why the interest level in going out more frequently seemed to change. My mind started to wander about it and I became suspicious. Rather than play 20 questions with her, like you'd get the truth anyway, I decided to go to the club where I knew she and her friends would be and watch her. As it turned out, she wasn't doing anything inappropriate but it was good that I got to see it first hand.
 

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Can you be a little more specific about your relationship? I mean.... how is your life toghether? are you a happy couple? is ther isues unresolved? etc etc.
In a few words has ther been problems between you 2?
 

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Sorry man.

I know putting numbers on things is usually not a good thing to do but honestly.

Honestly. 75% chance she's cheating.
 
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