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Hi everyone,

My fiancé and I have been together for about a year now and overall have an outstanding relationship. However there have been some suspicions towards him from my end and although we have talked about it, something doesn't feel right.

1) Since I moved in, our sex life has been very absent. Before that, we were seeing each other every 2-4 weeks and the sex was great (we lived in the same state, different cities). He would always say things like "it's always going to be like this and I never want it to change" "babe will it always be like this?" Etc. Then I moved in months ago and when I began to notice the lack of sex it became very frustrating and I brought it up to him. He says it's because he has had pain for a long time in his testicle area and feels it may be more than just a temporary pain. He can't get checked out because he has no insurance, and says he will once he does. Last time he got checked with the pain the doctor confirmed he was fine. But then he started giving me other reasons as to our lack of intimacy like "I never did it so much before" (he never lived with another woman) or "I'm tired" "I'm very stressed out" "I don't feel like it" "but I want it too". This has been a continuous problem. Every time I bring it up, he's has sex with me that week and then it's gone again.

2) he had a training last week 2 days in a row an hour and a half from home and has a female coworker that he hangs out with there because she was the only one from his branch going. I haven't met her but I have heard a lot about her and she seems nice and very decent as a person. He always tells me about their conversations and jokes at work. Anyhow, he told me he wanted to book a hotel in that town where the training is held because he would be too tired to drive back and leave again very early first thing in the morning just to get there for day 2. I was out of town and was coming back the night of his first stay. While I was on my way back, he went out to dinner with her (nothing fancy) and then they both went back to their rooms. But they were staying at the same hotel...that's what was weird to me. When I got there that night it was very late and he was asleep, I knocked on the door he opened it for me and we both went to sleep right away. We hadn't had sex in a while and I was hoping after a long time of not having a space to ourselves without someone probably hearing (we live with his parents), that maybe tonight something will happen, regardless of how tired he was. But nothing happened. In my head I'm thinking two things: either he was really truly very tired and didn't have the energy to do anything or he slept with his coworker and didn't have the energy to do it again with me. Horrible thing to think but with everything going on I just can't help but that it does cross my mind.


3) I found that he had a random girl on his snapchat and he says he never talked to her and doesn't know how she got there. And that maybe when he visits certain websites that sometimes it would bring up his snap somehow and that's probably how it happened. I don't remember exactly what he told me but it just sounded really strange, eventually I believed him because I wanted to. Of course he deletes the girl from his list, because it made no sense to keep her.

4) the very next day he comes home from work and took off his shirt to change. I saw something right on his shoulder that looked like a hickey. There was no purple but it was red and looked like the shape of a mouth. I questioned him and he said that he has no idea how it happened or what it was. I didn't accuse him of lying or that it was a hickey but nicely and honestly told him that that's what it looks like. We talked about it and he assured me it was nothing. I let it go but with all of the above I still think things and just can't help it. Today we argued about it and he told me my self esteem has been down and it's causing all of these weird thoughts in my head. Yes i have a lack of confidence and self esteem since our sex life went down and barely happens. When it does it's amazing, but it's just not happening at a normal amount and he always has a reason for it.

We argued to an extent where he said if I don't trust him I shouldn't marry him, and our wedding is next week. I really don't know what to do and any tips or advice would help me.
 

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First thing...take his advice and DON'T marry him!

Even if everything else is above board, which I do not think it is, but even if it is, just on the sex alone, the likliness of your sex life improving from this point on is just about zero, and it is already not good for you, and I'm not sure you want to settle for this being the best it's ever going to be, and likely getting much worse over time.

Second, yeah, you are not being paranoid, and you need to dig into who is cheating with. Phone bills and text logs for sure. Trust your gut!
 
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