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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The short version: my husband gave me the ILYBINILWY speech on the phone on sept 26 and said he wanted to be alone. I asked if there was someone else and he denied it. I believed him. Anyway it's been three months now and he hasn't been home once, or called. There are no children, tho we have two dogs and three cats he adores. He does text very rarely about finances. I've done the usual texting and emailing (he wouldn't answer the phone) and have now stopped this past month.I found out abut the affair end of Nov, when a so-called friend let a secret slip. The affair happend in Ireland where he went for work frequently. He has been having a tough time personally and financially. He is self employed.

He is back in the UK now, working, so his sister tells me (he does talk to her, tho very little). She told me the posOW is no longer on his facebook friends list. I blocked him ages ago. But in itself that doesn't mean much I presume. It's not like he's come back asking for forgiveness. I reckon he's also had a MLC.

Anyway I have a thread on S&D but feel it might be better here. Sorry I don't know how to link, it's called Chopsy's Thread: surviving and thriving. I'll try to link it later.

So what do you think is going on? Any suggestions or advice? Any thoughts on why he is still so withdrawn from me? He also has promised to help me financially and it was hit and miss for awhile (he was in Ireland for several months not working and drinking loads- oh and he met her in a bar.) but he is sending money more frequently now and texted that hopefully in Jan he can start help paying off the debts he left me with. he also told his sister she isn't all that, and he dislikes some of her personality characteristics.

If you have any thoughts, or even perspective from the WS, I would appreciate it. I'm trying to get on with my life as best I can. I'm not ready to file yet, I'd like to have at least one proper conversation with him.
 

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If he comes back and if you both want to R then you should be getting all the information right now as to what the conditions and boundaries will be. If he comes back and is really remorseful then that will be the best time to get him to agree to the conditions.

If the R happens then be strong, stern, and not weak and compromising. You may have to get started building yourself up for that if you are emotionally weak and needy and will compromise so that you can get some quick relief.

If you are a good woman and he is c basically a decent man then you do not have a lot of compitition from a bar fly
 

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I am sorry for your situation, Chopsy.

He is withdrawn. Is it possible that he is feeling so guilty to face you? You know his nature.

If you are willing to accept him back, then it might be worth having a conversation with him. You know he cheated and left you in debt.

Why should you have a conversation with him, when he is unwilling?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I do want to have a conversation but he is unwilling. He has said he knows we need to talk at some point. He calls his sister from time to time and said he'd drop by over the holidays. He and his sister are very close (dysfunctional childhood with alcoholic mother) and he can't even open up to her. Anyway he said he'd come to see her which would be the first time he's seen any of his family in all this time. But so far that hasn't happened.

My SIL tells me what he says in phone calls, which is very little. I just wish he would call me instead. I've made it clear we can just hang out or take the dogs for a walk. My SIL says he feels very guilty.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
My H sent me text regarding the rent and also said we need to talk soon and that h is definitely not coming back.

I was disappointed as all this time I'd been holding out hope he would come back. I don't know if he is sill the OW, or if he just fancies the single life. I'm not going to plead or bed, have too much self respect now. I was holding out for a R once he got out of the fog as there are extnuqting reasons that contributed to how things have turned out. Obviously he is solely responsible for the affair. Guess I have to give up hope now.
 
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