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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi -- There seem to be quite a number of new posts involving work place affairs, whether EA or PA.

I thought it might be helpful for folk new (or old) to this forum who have experienced the damage caused by a workplace affair to post here....even if it's just a "my WS had an affair with co-worker" so that others who come here looking for help or advice or similar threads to read can reference other's experiences. A repository for those seeking help and relatible material.

So I'll start:

My husband had an EA with a co-worker (subordinate) that was on the verge of a PA. Caught in the nick of time. DD #1 Feb 25. DD #2 Feb 29th. True NC starts 11/29.

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My husband had a PA with a coworker, moved out for 17 mos, the OW left the job so he wanted to R, he came home for 6 mos and left again (same woman...different jobs didnt stop them). Lived with OW for 4 mos, wanted R again...home for 6 mos..guess what......OW appeared again she I put him out. This time he was gone for 3 mos and then swore he was done and wanted to be a good husband. That was 3 yrs ago we have been in R since but everyday I wonder when Im going to end up with egg on my face again!
 

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Funny, you really want to do this? All stats show that about 46% of WW have work related affairs and 62% of WH decide to pee in their work water ("Not Just Friends"). I bet it is even more.

Yes my whatever had an EA and PA with a working cochofle colleage. I have no idea how long was the EA since they were "friends" before and the PA he says was about 3 to 4 months (who knows). She left her H for him. Lucky me!
 

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My H had an almost year long EA with a coworker. She stroked the hell out of his ego and he lapped it up like a puppy. He'd stay late at work b/c he'd spent so much time talking to her during the day that he wasnt to a stopping point when it was quitting time. send between 40 and 50 emails a day and several in person conversations. They sat 10 ft from each other. When he wasnt emailing her he was talking to her either on the phone or in person. he volunteered for every project she was on just to be near her. vomit. She could do no wrong and I could do no right. He met her in February of 2011, I didnt know anything about her until like July-despite his working VERY closely everyday with her all day long. He kept her name from me and her very existance a secret until he just suddenly couldnt stop talking about this woman at work. ALL the time. Her name over and over... In July he decided he was 'in love' with her.vomit again. But I still didnt know b/c we had a very sick child and I was paying all of my attention there.


Took until late fall 2011 for me to wise the hell up. Started asking questions based on his behavior and attitude at home. "anything I need to know" kind of thing. "No." was always the response. after a bit I got into his work email and there was the motherload! As well as his phone. He finally, after alot of war cut it off. It was Late Feb by the time the big bang came. I call it dweek. It was ugly. Ugly. Ugly.

Took til May 2012 to get NC bc he worked with her still. In may he quit so NC could be established. It took several more mos. for the 'fog' to wear off and for him to start seeing the damage.

Not a good time. Beware of those "work spouses".
 

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Funny, you really want to do this? All stats show that about 46% of WW have work related affairs and 62% of WH decide to pee in their work water ("Not Just Friends"). I bet it is even more.

Yes my whatever had an EA and PA with a working cochofle colleage. I have no idea how long was the EA since they were "friends" before and the PA he says was about 3 to 4 months (who knows). She left her H for him. Lucky me!
This is funny. I have said to him "everyone knows not to piss where you eat"....too funny that you said that. It cost him a great job he'd worked hard to get where he was and blew it on nothing.
 

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WW had a EA probable PA with a subordinate at work for the last 6 months(still hasn't broken it off). In the process I discovered that she had a long term, long distance relationship with someone she met in med school. Also she had a PA with a coworker when she started her residency. We broke off our relationship for a year and half because of that one. So yeah you can say that my WW treats work like Match.com.
 

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This is funny. I have said to him "everyone knows not to piss where you eat"....too funny that you said that. It cost him a great job he'd worked hard to get where he was and blew it on nothing.
Let me list the things it cost him:
1. His job for more than 15 years
2. The respect of a lot of people in his job and his industry that knew him and thought he was a saint (for some reason the rumor just spread like a virus)
3. A promotion he was looking for which went to her the cochofle
4. His home, wife, best friend (we know each other since we were teenagers), the respect of my family/my dad who knows him since he was a kid and sponsored him and his brothers as athletes when he was younger, his sanity
5. He became a person that only dumba**es could stand
6. His only son would not want to be with him
7. His reputation and dignity and so much more I can not even start!
 

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Let me list the things it cost him:
1. His job for more than 15 years
2. The respect of a lot of people in his job and his industry that knew him and thought he was a saint (for some reason the rumor just spread like a virus)
3. A promotion he was looking for which went to her the cochofle
4. His home, wife, best friend (we know each other since we were teenagers), the respect of my family/my dad who knows him since he was a kid and sponsored him and his brothers as athletes when he was younger, his sanity
5. He became a person that only dumba**es could stand
6. His only son would not want to be with him
7. His reputation and dignity and so much more I can not even start!
Yep all that and tens of thousands of dollars. All that and he didnt even get laid(my h) dummy.
 

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Yep all that and tens of thousands of dollars. All that and he didnt even get laid(my h) dummy.
Lucky you, my whatever laid with the dog. She looks like a Pekinese, or however you say that! She is completely the opposite of me, starting with morals of course! God I just pucked in my mouth.

CTU you have got to stop cracking me up today!
 

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The work place was a no no for my fWW "don't sh1t were you eat" her words not mine.

Her thinking is #1 the reputation she would get, in fact she heard enough around the job that she new how big the gosip mill around there. #2 the posibility of sleeping with a guy the one of many bosses were already slept with or had there eye on and getting canned for some lame reason.

She did however start up a toxic friendship that took her down a dark path, but the person was a theif and got canned.

I believe my fWW thought of her work as part of her 1st life with husband, kids and family.

So I never had to make my fWW leave her job so that was good. I found it very interesting how my fWW had a SOP/MO in her adultorus life style when I confronted her and we spend the early days going over her second life.
 

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WW had a EA probable PA with a subordinate at work for the last 6 months(still hasn't broken it off). In the process I discovered that she had a long term, long distance relationship with someone she met in med school. Also she had a PA with a coworker when she started her residency. We broke off our relationship for a year and half because of that one. So yeah you can say that my WW treats work like Match.com.
Yep. He has a new job now and we've discussed that work is not a dating service. Go there, get your job done, collect your check and get your ass home.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Just a little depressed after reading how many new posts yesterday involve workplace affairs. Grey Goose -- when you posted "do you really want to do this?" regarding setting up a survey and workplace affairs -- I thought "yeah". But then yesterday got me down, because you're right. This place is riddled with it. Kind of depressing actually.
 

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Just a little depressed after reading how many new posts yesterday involve workplace affairs. Grey Goose -- when you posted "do you really want to do this?" regarding setting up a survey and workplace affairs -- I thought "yeah". But then yesterday got me down, because you're right. This place is riddled with it. Kind of depressing actually.
Yep but it makes 'sense'. afterall they spend more time with them than they do with us really. My H spent 10hrs a day 5 days a week 10 ft from her. thats way more time than I was getting. IF they dont keep the boundaries firmly in place, its a disaster waiting to happen.
 

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TSWC don't get down, I knew this would be hard and that is why I included the stats. At my whatever's ex work place it was so common that they posted an article about STDs in their internal newsletter. Pretty disgusting and she had a few other conquers, urgh asco cochofle de mierda!

CTU you are right, but how come I have more than 10 years working and still would never even consider it, while I have been married and single as well. I guess I could not even think of what I would have to deal with if the relationship would not work when I was single and I have never thought of an affair. Just like dating a neighbor, you would have to see them constantly afterwards.

I do not know, I guess I just know in my heart relationships are hard, so I try to avoid anything that would complicate them, including handling one too many guys at the same time!
 

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Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. :(
Do not feel defenseless, it is out of your control so try to just let it be. Be on the look out and if you are in R and see something call it out and kick them out! :smthumbup:
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. :(
You should've seen his face early on when the junk hit the fan and I said -- "you know, I need to go back to work, I think I'll go to your "workplace" and apply for a job. That way we can have lunch together and I'll be - right - there." He was still in the fog. He was scared sh-tless.
 

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TSWC don't get down, I knew this would be hard and that is why I included the stats. At my whatever's ex work place it was so common that they posted an article about STDs in their internal newsletter. Pretty disgusting and she had a few other conquers, urgh asco cochofle de mierda!

CTU you are right, but how come I have more than 10 years working and still would never even consider it, while I have been married and single as well. I guess I could not even think of what I would have to deal with if the relationship would not work when I was single and I have never thought of an affair. Just like dating a neighbor, you would have to see them constantly afterwards.

I do not know, I guess I just know in my heart relationships are hard, so I try to avoid anything that would complicate them, including handling one too many guys at the same time!
the answer is simple- boundaries.
 
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