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I have been married for close to 4 years now, and in the beginning we would work out, exercise and do things together often. I loved that about her, that I have someone to work out with. I'm not a body builder, but like to do cardio and some weights to prevent from getting fat. For the past year though, she is upset when I go spend 90 minutes at the gym. She thinking that there are many other things I could be doing , than working out, since she feels the gym as being a "luxury" and not something that is needed.
The question I have is, spending 90 minutes working out a day too much to ask for? Am I being selfish or am i justified in wanting to spend that time doing something for my body that makes me happy.
Thanksfor the advice
 

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Hi there, it's not selfish - but I think it's all in how you handle it.

Your wife must feel as though working out is more important to you than being with her.

Is that what you think?

what has she said?

How rigid are you about when you work out?

Could you swap a 90 minute workout for 90 minutes bikeride with her or something like that?

Is it a time each day when she'd like to do things with you?

If your wife enjoys physcial activity as well it would seem llike you guys have so many options here

It's about negotiation and communication - give and take ...

it's not really about the workout!
 

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Do you go to the gym 90mins a day everyday? If so..that's a bit excessive and you're not getting much benefit working out for that long.

Anyway, I agree...maybe go for a bike ride, walk, jog or play sports with your wife a couple times a week instead. There's nothing wrong with doing things that make you happy, but she needs to be happy too and doing something that makes her happy and gets your exercise in will make you both happy!
 

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My husband works out for an hour about 3 days a week. Could you do that - or at least cut it back to every other day and then on the days you don't work out go for a walk or bike ride as the others suggested?

I think 90 a day is a bit excessive if it is every single day. Especially if you have to be at work by 8 and get off at 5 and then you have to drive to work out, and then actual work out time...I'm guessing you don't get home until 7:30 or 8 at least? How many hours a day does your wife get to see you?
 

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I think 90 minutes per day is excessive. When I didn't work I did cardio/weights for about an hour per day and did yoga and other things like that. But I didn't work. I was single. My kids were in school or preschool.

Married, no, 90 minutes per day is time not spent with the spouse, and not spent doing things that need to be done around the home. You can do a lot of things at home, too WRT cardio, especially. So you don't have to be at the gym. (I know it is better at the gym. I know that.)
 

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You have to ask...is my wife not getting something from me?

If she is saying 90 minutes a day is too much...then she is probably footing the load at home and becoming resentful. Or..perhaps she isn't getting the attention from you. Either way...if the home life is being neglected while you are doing 90 minutes of exercise...then it's too much.
 

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You should have time at the gym, but like the others said, if it comes down to it are you willing to cut down on your time there? My husband does the same thing so guess what, all of the kids stuff falls on me, dinner, homework from the boys school, activities that they do, etc. What does she have to accomplish while you are there??
 
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