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I have been married for 5 yrs and been with my husband for 8yrs. He came home from "helping a friend" and told me we needed to talk. I listened to this man that I love with every fiber of my being and heard that he "felt" like being with another women, she makes him "feel alive", he "thinks he is attracted to me & loves me but is not sure". He tells me that "nothing happened with this women, they just talk on facebook and she knows him".
I didn't know what to do or say, I was shocked to hear him say these things. I'm not going to sit here and say the last 3-4 months have been the best but I thought we were communicating and talking with eachother about these problems. I guess we really weren't hearing eachother!
SO I cried and didn't talk to him for a few days so that I could process all of this. I married him in my late 20's because I was looking for forever. I have a stepdaughter who's 14 and love her like she is my own and just don't know what to do.
We have talked twice since the bomb and he tells me that he loves me, our life, our family, basicly everything about me but he has lost some attraction, that I need to work out and do things. That I'm more independant person, that when I joke about his back hair it really bothers him, that our sex life it not what is was when we first met. He tells me that he can talk to this womn about everything and when I pushed the subject he did admit to writing sexual things back and forth with this women.

I don't know what to think about all he tells me. I'm so confused. I've told him that I know our sex life did turn into a routine but I DIDN'T RUN TO THE INTERNET and sex up another man. I have listened to him and am tring to see what our life or I did that made him feel he needed someone else. I have asked him to "defriend" her from FB, to not speak to he at all and he tells me he's not sure he can do this, he needs her as a friend and he cares about her. But then in the next breath he tells me he loves me, wants me, wants our life.

I don't know! Sad thing is he can look at me and I'm hurt but I still love him. I know I've gained some weight but I'm on a seziure medication that can cause this and I know I need to work on this, but he's no young chicken. He too has gained weight, nice belly. He is 6 yrs older then me and was married prior. His ex-wife cheated on him throughout his entire marriage.

I think I just need others to help me process though this.

Thank you for reading and responding.

LSNH
 

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Hi - ask a moderator to move your post over to the "Coping With Infidelity" forum. You will get lots of good advice.

Your husband is having at least an EA with this woman. It may be physical as well.

Take care of yourself please.
 

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Emerald is right he is at least having an EA. He needs to stop all contact with the OW, he will stay in the fog of the affair, unless he goes to NO further contact at all. Right now he is trying to cake eat and have you both.
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Others can comment better on the more important issues here, but definitely an EA and needs to be addressed.

Instead of being cruel to him and making jokes about his back hair, fix it.

Use a razor or get a electric designed for body hair. Maybe he could also remove hair on your body he is not attracted to.

This is how my wife and I work it. I take care of her bar to reach areas and she gets my back where I cannot reach.
 
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