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Hello,

I have been married for 16 years and have 3 kids. My husband was married 3 times prior briefly with the first being a girl he got pregnant at the age of 16, the second his German girlfriend while in the military and the third a psycho who threatened to kill herself multiple times if he did not marry her. About 7 years after being married I caught my husband in sexual chat rooms and was furious. Of course he said this was the "ONLY" time ever and that it would never happen again. Also, all throughout our marriage he has had an on again off again relationship with the first wife via email, facebook, texting, etc. but he swears it is concerning his estranged son.

I find it odd because he has nothing to do with his son but always paid child support in a timely manner because it came out of his military pay....so why do they need to chat? Things have progressed throughout the years of marriage including the continued chats with the first wife, adding the ex German wife as a friend on facebook, more sex chat rooms, even a deleted video if him with someone in a sex chat room, to him having an affair with the first wife just two years ago. He of course begged forgiveness stating our relationship was not good because he is alone all of the time after retiring from the military because I work hard and have a professional career. After physically cheating he came straight home and confessed, we decided to get counseling and try to work things out. He changed his phone number, got off of facebook, blocked her email address, all of the things that were a part of my conditions of staying together.

She contacted me multiple times via facebook, even changing her name when blocked to tell me of their undying love for one another. I have tried very hard to make this work and forgive but I am bitter. I do attend counseling for myself but he is a slug who sits in his recliner 20 hours a day doing absolutely nothing while I am at work. I come home to a messy house, laundry piled up, dishes not done and hungry kids while he has contributed zero all day long. We are not sexually active because he no longer can and refuses to use the testosterone prescribed to him. Well, I have had it and it is evident so about three weeks ago my husband asked me if I loved him to which I answered yes as the father of my children but no I am not in love with you. He then asked me if I wanted a divorce to which for the first time in 16 years my answer was "I need time to think about it". You would have thought I had literally stabbed him in the heart.

He became angry telling me "if you think I am going to sit around in this house and be alone think again, I am going to start going to the gym, having fun and living my life!" I replied if that is what it takes to get you off of that couch then good because you are killing yourself. (Yes, his health has deteriorated and getting worse due to his sedentary, pot smoking, slug life) Well, since I told him that he also came alive again, started living life, being a kind husband, partner and better father so I was rethinking the divorce thing. He again told me he only loved me and wanted to go to counseling, etc. etc. The next thing I know, 1 week later I see his first wifes phone number on his phone.

I asked him if he was speaking to her (The son is 37 years old now no excuses) and he said yes. His excuse was that I scared him so badly when I said I needed time to think about divorce that he needed to talk with her as a life long friend. I called BS on that, pulled up the phone records to show that indeed right after I told him that they had been talking on the phone with her calling him 98% of the time. I do love the man and he rationalized that he was just scared of being alone but assured me nothing was going on, he just needed a friend. (He has none and I do mean none, he is anti social, PTSD, MDD) So, I tried to believe that to be true.

There have been no more calls as I am watching but I just saw last night that he was facebook friends with two of her grown children. Am I crazy for giving him chance after chance???
 

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I wouldn't say that you are crazy, but I can see where this would be a difficult situation that would cause suspicion. It's a difficult situation because she is the mother to his child. That alone connects them. It doesn't mean that he is in a romantic relationship with her. Have you seen evidence of him having physical contact with her?
 

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I wouldn't say that you are crazy, but I can see where this would be a difficult situation that would cause suspicion. It's a difficult situation because she is the mother to his child. That alone connects them. It doesn't mean that he is in a romantic relationship with her. Have you seen evidence of him having physical contact with her?
Joined Oct 14, 2017
Last seen Oct 16, 2017

3 years to the day since @Ronanlime was last here and your post, @tennman . Not much chance she's going to see your reply.
 
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