Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I hv been married for 18yrs .its been going down hill for about 3yrs now. No sex, cuddling ,romance..just good friendship..we hv tried to talk about it..we both admit
What is happening ....but it's cheaper to keeper so to speak.. U get what I mean...
Anyways I found an old friend on FB (ya I knw lol ) anyways he's in the same situation.
So long story short ..we ended up emotionally involved ... We live in different states so
There has been no contact. But he sticks around cuz of his kids... He's not married
Just livening with her . But anyway it's like marriage.
The kids are over 18 ..but still at hm.. I just need advice ..I'm so lonely and scared to move forward on my own.. I hv 2 kids under 18 .. My h doesn't knw about my EA.his lady did find out. Me and her talked and she confirmed, that him and her hv a bad relationship no sex or lv. But there still there. Basically evething he told me she also
Told me... But he still won't leave ..plz dont be rude .. With mean comments. Iam just so confused ..
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,680 Posts
So is his wife ok with your relationship with her husband?

As long as you are in an EA you will not be able to fix your marriage.

Have you talked about marriage counseling with your husband?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
No we hvnt talked about counseling ..we both kinda just ignore the facts. We get along great as friends ..we hv a happy home as far as we don't live fighting. But I hurt inside
Everyday.. Before tis man came into my life ..I was content with the way things were..
But he woke things up ..that I thought I could never feel or make someone ELES feel..
His wife was very nice to me ..we talked and she knws were in the same boat .but she said he could leave ..but he can't stay here. And hv u to .. There's nothing between us
But out of respect.. She doesn't wk ..she needs him financially ...but it's his kids ..we're in different states ..
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,680 Posts
Something that you need to know is that only about 2% of affairs ever turn into anything. They just do not last. What you have going with this guy is not real. You don't really know him.

One thing about on-line relationships is that a person can be anything he wants to be. He's in a dead marriage just like you are. So he is really no different than your husband. He has no idea of how to keep love alive and make a relationship passionate.

You now know that you want more out of a relationship. You have a perfectly good husband sitting right there in your home. You can rekindle your love and passion.

I'd like to suggest some reading for you.... They are all by Dr. Harley

"Surviving An Affair"

Then look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage.

You rebuild your marriage and make it better than it ever was.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,680 Posts
By the way this man will never leave his wife.

Has he had other affairs? Did she share that with you? There are a lot of men on the internet who troll for women like you to hook up with. I know because my husband was one of them. They have no intentions of leaving their wives; they are just looking for some emotional excitement and eventually cyber or phone sex. And yes they will tell you that they love you, send you love poems, etc.

But they are sending the same thing to 4 other women.

When I found out about what my husband was doing on line I got the email, chats, etc from all of the women. Put it all in a packet and emailed it to all of them. That way they all knew about each other.

How did his wife find out how his relationship with you?

Sorry don't been to seem mean... i've just seen this go on over and over. It never ends well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
He left his FB open ...I ask her if there were others ..on FB ..and she said no..
Thanks for ur advice ..I really needed to talk ..no one knws how I feel..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Was this not present when you got married?
Yes ..but key word is woke up.... I thought those feelings were dead and gone ..I knw it's sounds dumb to others. Because feeling are feelings. I guess I felt no other man
Would ever love me..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,174 Posts
Find a hobby til your kids are grown, and focus on your kids...you and your H both...and get a financial plan together so your and your H can split if that's what you want to do...when the time comes..and go to counseling so that you will get over your fear of being alone. Who knows, once you find your center and your H too, maybe the spark can be rekindled. Never say never. Don't muddy the waters by looking for EA's, you want an EA get a best friend of same gender, or get in touch with yourself. Most people when they go looking outside themselves or their primary relationship, find that what they are looking for is some part of themselves that they've neglected (and it's easy to do this in a marriage...)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
634 Posts
Time for you and him to make a choice. His BW told you that he cannot stay and have you to. What is his choice? Another question, what are you going to do when she tells your husband?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Time for you and him to make a choice. His BW told you that he cannot stay and have you to. What is his choice? Another question, what are you going to do when she tells your husband?
He doesn't want to leave his kids.were in different states..I can't leave or take mine with me under 18.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top