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35 yo female, married with kids.
Me and husband got married 2013 arrange marriage
I stay in a diff country than my native place and I came to new country to stay with hubby leaving my job, friends, family. I did not like the new country and could not work due to visa for 2 yrs. Now I am working. I sacrificed my vital things & social life just to be married for long lasting relationship. He promised me in 2014 , we could come back to native country in 2021- 2022. Now I see he is not that keen to go back as promised. I am feeling so lonely and betrayed.
I have changed so much for this marriage, gave it all. I have become patient, hands on than earlier. I have tried to understand how he feels. Example I was a short tempered person, however I let go of many things these days, accepting his some behavior like waking up late , keep bathroom floor wet etc
This is a change he wanted and I did am trying my best to calm down sooner for trivial things. But major things like lying to me, makes me stuck. Love & Trust is a big priority for me in marriage.
Now coming to his adjustments, he is never ready to change his behavior. Firstly its very hard to explain him his wrong behavior. Secondly if he accepts it , then he repeats same mistake again n again.
We tried few mid-way lanes like he suggested that I should stop arguing once he said Sorry. But in that also now he is taking benefit. Like do what he wants, I catch him doing mistake or saying lie. He says sorry. Rinse and repeat.
Like I ask a question politely "Who spilled the water here?", he says Cat did, I ask " are you sure, cat is sleeping since quite sometime". Then he accepts its a lie and says "I lied bcoz I didnt want you to be upset/angry". This way he justifies his wrong doing but showing mistake in me, I was polite when I asked ques. And repeats saying lie hiding his wrong doing next week in something else
Is there any other way which can work with such stubborn folks?
He does not want to change at all. He only wants to change for his own benefit like office job etc
Since if he is not accommodating my needs I feel trapped and betrayed. But if I go for divorce , kids will be affected.
I am clueless & lonely, please help
Me and husband got married 2013 arrange marriage
I stay in a diff country than my native place and I came to new country to stay with hubby leaving my job, friends, family. I did not like the new country and could not work due to visa for 2 yrs. Now I am working. I sacrificed my vital things & social life just to be married for long lasting relationship. He promised me in 2014 , we could come back to native country in 2021- 2022. Now I see he is not that keen to go back as promised. I am feeling so lonely and betrayed.
I have changed so much for this marriage, gave it all. I have become patient, hands on than earlier. I have tried to understand how he feels. Example I was a short tempered person, however I let go of many things these days, accepting his some behavior like waking up late , keep bathroom floor wet etc
This is a change he wanted and I did am trying my best to calm down sooner for trivial things. But major things like lying to me, makes me stuck. Love & Trust is a big priority for me in marriage.
Now coming to his adjustments, he is never ready to change his behavior. Firstly its very hard to explain him his wrong behavior. Secondly if he accepts it , then he repeats same mistake again n again.
We tried few mid-way lanes like he suggested that I should stop arguing once he said Sorry. But in that also now he is taking benefit. Like do what he wants, I catch him doing mistake or saying lie. He says sorry. Rinse and repeat.
Like I ask a question politely "Who spilled the water here?", he says Cat did, I ask " are you sure, cat is sleeping since quite sometime". Then he accepts its a lie and says "I lied bcoz I didnt want you to be upset/angry". This way he justifies his wrong doing but showing mistake in me, I was polite when I asked ques. And repeats saying lie hiding his wrong doing next week in something else
Is there any other way which can work with such stubborn folks?
He does not want to change at all. He only wants to change for his own benefit like office job etc
Since if he is not accommodating my needs I feel trapped and betrayed. But if I go for divorce , kids will be affected.
I am clueless & lonely, please help
