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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
35 yo female, married with kids.
Me and husband got married 2013 arrange marriage
I stay in a diff country than my native place and I came to new country to stay with hubby leaving my job, friends, family. I did not like the new country and could not work due to visa for 2 yrs. Now I am working. I sacrificed my vital things & social life just to be married for long lasting relationship. He promised me in 2014 , we could come back to native country in 2021- 2022. Now I see he is not that keen to go back as promised. I am feeling so lonely and betrayed.

I have changed so much for this marriage, gave it all. I have become patient, hands on than earlier. I have tried to understand how he feels. Example I was a short tempered person, however I let go of many things these days, accepting his some behavior like waking up late , keep bathroom floor wet etc
This is a change he wanted and I did am trying my best to calm down sooner for trivial things. But major things like lying to me, makes me stuck. Love & Trust is a big priority for me in marriage.

Now coming to his adjustments, he is never ready to change his behavior. Firstly its very hard to explain him his wrong behavior. Secondly if he accepts it , then he repeats same mistake again n again.
We tried few mid-way lanes like he suggested that I should stop arguing once he said Sorry. But in that also now he is taking benefit. Like do what he wants, I catch him doing mistake or saying lie. He says sorry. Rinse and repeat.
Like I ask a question politely "Who spilled the water here?", he says Cat did, I ask " are you sure, cat is sleeping since quite sometime". Then he accepts its a lie and says "I lied bcoz I didnt want you to be upset/angry". This way he justifies his wrong doing but showing mistake in me, I was polite when I asked ques. And repeats saying lie hiding his wrong doing next week in something else

Is there any other way which can work with such stubborn folks?
He does not want to change at all. He only wants to change for his own benefit like office job etc
Since if he is not accommodating my needs I feel trapped and betrayed. But if I go for divorce , kids will be affected.
I am clueless & lonely, please help
 

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...he is never ready to change his behavior. Firstly its very hard to explain him his wrong behavior.
You are not his mother.

You are not in charge of determining if his behavior is right or wrong.

Is there any other way which can work with such stubborn folks?

He does not want to change at all.
What works with "stubborn" folks? Leave them alone.

He does NOT want to change. So there's your answer.

I feel trapped and betrayed. But if I go for divorce , kids will be affected.
Oh, please ... your kids are already affected by your crappy marriage.

This is not going to get better, especially since you are riding his ass to the point that he'd rather lie than face your anger and lecturing.

You are coming from the perspective that YOU are right and HE is wrong. Change your mindset or get divorced. SERIOUSLY.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
It sounds like you are a total nag, up his ass about every little thing. Some water got on the floor? He even feels he needs to blame it on the cat because he's afraid of your wrath.
Thanks for your reply. See the word "Like". These were just minor case examples. I am laughing to hear this you meant my main worry was about a petty case like water on floor. Seriously I am not going to write actually what happened in life events otherwise the article would be too big.

Main thing is my partner is stubborn and I am the one who is suffering and sad. I love him and want to feel that love from his side too. Its the feelings that matter mutually and I want to know if he feels for me or just takes me for granted.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
You are not his mother.

You are not in charge of determining if his behavior is right or wrong.



What works with "stubborn" folks? Leave them alone.

He does NOT want to change. So there's your answer.



Oh, please ... your kids are already affected by your crappy marriage.

This is not going to get better, especially since you are riding his ass to the point that he'd rather lie than face your anger and lecturing.

You are coming from the perspective that YOU are right and HE is wrong. Change your mindset or get divorced. SERIOUSLY.
Thanks for your reply. Being annoyed at something is very natural. Even my partner gets annoyed at somethings I may do. But I do not say lie. If I do a mistake I own it and say sorry. Mistakes are human and one should not lie blaming someone for one's own malicious Karma.
Dont we learn from our mistakes like falling down several times before we actually walk. Why is saying sorry a shameful act ? Its a courageous act

Main thing is my partner is stubborn and I am the one who is suffering and sad. I love him and want to feel that love from his side too. He just does his day job work, comes back home, helps with household chores and goes to sleep. No attachment or affection. Everything feels monotonous and robotic. No intimacy either. He even doesn't want to change for good things like going on a romantic date, giving sweet messages, appreciation etc. He says he is tired after job and kids stuffs. Even I am working and take care of kids after work , but I strive to strike work life balance. I have love for him, I feel if he is taking undue advantage of my love for him. I don't want to leave him but want to feel loved. Is it a sin to feel loved ? Dont I deserve the love ? That is why I am feeling helpless and asked for help on the forum.
 

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Lol sounds like the wife of the sociopathic guy I’m dating. Actually she cares less than you_ if you admit your husband is a cheater or checked out of the marriage\selfish then you’ll feel free because u aren’t hoping for so,etching that will never happen
 
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