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Your wife is going to end up unable to form a strong band with one man. At the very least she is going to have feel some real pain before she settles down again. She has got a taste for variety. It would be crazy to compete.

Move home. Get a solicitor.

By the way, the sex bombing was a means of distracting you from her goal – getting you out.
 

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Discussion Starter #64
She's a very clever and calculated cookie!
I do think the Sex was a way of trying to keep me away from the adultery route. ALso when I told her I was filing for divorce under Adultery she so no as she didn't want to involve anyone else. Unfortunately for her I have managed to locate the long term GF of the guy she's been having the main affair with. I'm sure she'll give me his details when I hand deliver all the emails and letters I have managed to locate.

I have said that we can either sell the family home or she can buy me out. She will never afford it on her finances alone.

I've been played but with the awesome advise from everyone on here, I feel empowered to be able to get through this now
 

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You did great my friend.

I told you she was using sex to blind you. She thought if she give you a little you will let this behind you and you can just move on like it never happend.

You know why she went nuts and scared when you told her about filling under adultery ?

She dont want to let people know about her. She is this good mother and wife and it is nice picture to the world.

About house-I couldnt do it better myself. Nice way to let her know you are moving on with your life. You deserve better.

Stay strong and keep us updated.
 

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In the UK once you have challenged a spouse about their affair should you have sex with your spouse afterward you would legally be deemed as having accepted their affair and thus unable to use adultery as the basis for divorce.

If she did this she might have been coached by a skilled adulterer.

Check this is still the case as laws can change.
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Discussion Starter #67
MattMatt that is indeed the case in the UK, but I am almost sure that the first guy thing is also still happening... so I'm in the clear on that one ;-)

Picking up a VAR tomorrow to start bolstering my "ammunition" and having the Concept 180 stored in my phone and reading it over and over, I think I can keep up the facade long enough to fool her.

She has been like a different woman since I told her how it was going to be. She has been communicating with my Mother and has been nothing more than very pleasant, I smell a rat, so I'm going to keep my guard up!!

Every day is still an emotional struggle but that's all part of this awful situation. As long as I can be one step ahead, all will be fine.
 

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Discussion Starter #68
Thanks Be Smart :grinning:

Although I don't like the idea of exposing all this tomorrow, I know it needs to be done.
I suppose when it's all out in the open, she will have to accept that her little bubble has burst and the reality of her actions will hit home - full force
 

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In the UK once you have challenged a spouse about their affair should you have sex with your spouse afterward you would legally be deemed as having accepted their affair and thus unable to use adultery as the basis for divorce.

If she did this she might have been coached by a skilled adulterer.

Check this is still the case as laws can change.
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It's the same here in the states where adultery is allowed to be a consideration.

She might or might not have known it about the adultery laws at the time. Totally possible she "sex bombed" for other reasons.

A lot of time, a woman ending her relationship will feel insecure and gluing a man to her with sex would make her feel more secure.

She might also have been in mental denial of her reality and using sex with her H to reaffirm to herself that everything's just fine.

Hell, she could have been ovulating and just horny as hell or even trying to make the OM jealous.

But, yeah, it's possible it was a cold and calculated move. Well played on her side.
 

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Thanks Be Smart :grinning:

Although I don't like the idea of exposing all this tomorrow, I know it needs to be done.
I suppose when it's all out in the open, she will have to accept that her little bubble has burst and the reality of her actions will hit home - full force
Have you considered the possible unintended side effects?

First, if this guy's not a bad dude..well, better the devil you know be around the house and kids. You find this guy is no threat, you then insure they break up, you don't know who she'll be seeing next.

Second, if she wants to be with him because she thinks they have something special, she'll be more cooperative in the divorce and with visitation between now and then. If her bubble bursts now, she'll have no incentive to be cooperative because she'll have nothing better to do in her spare time but blame you for ratting them out.

I say out them AFTER you have a favorable legal agreement in hand. Not necessarily divorce papers, but a legal separation agreement re: visitation, assets, and support. After you got what you need, THEN burst the bubble.
 

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Discussion Starter #71
MJJean
The long standing guy (2 years and still ongoing) is a grooming womaniser. He has a girlfriend who left husband for him, but he keeps her at arms length and has her over when my Wife is not there.. his GF works everyday and my Wife fits in, in between (clever man).

This "new guy" has only been on the scene for just over a month, but I am finding out there has also been two others, potentially more. So that's four men whilst she's been married to me.

My Wife is hiding behind the "happy facade" of our Family and is keeping it under her hat, apart from sharing it with two friends who are doing similar to her.
We have lost some good friends over the past couple of years and it has come to light that they got told by her what she was up to and as they didn't condone it, they chose to part company.

I think the the GF of thr long standing guy needs to know what he has been (and still is) up to. Exposing the truth will make it real for all parties involved.

Will she run to him? NO! He has flatly told her there is no emotional connection he just wants her for the Sex. . She does things that his GF won't do. It's all written down in letters/emails I have managed to get copies of.

I feel exposure would be the best option, but I'm open to any thoughts you guys may have
 

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You're paying a house that your wife is banging other men in?

Really? And note OP never addresses the moving out of the house.

Hmmm.. chain...yank..yank.

*note..he'll probably address it now*
Just caught up with this thread. Did I miss something on here because I'm curious as well. Why are you allowing God knows how many strange men to come and go at your house? This is the home where your kids are used to seeing there father. Why did you move out instead of your WW?
 

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Discussion Starter #74
I moved out as I couldn't bear to be around the woman any longer..
Keeping a roof over my kids heads and not have them subjected to our arguments was more important
 

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If you can't man up your life will continue to be in limbo.

I know it's a shock but staying weak and passive will only make it worse.

Talk is cheap. Actions speak volumes.

You need to get a plan together and follow it 100%. Those that take a stand and actually do something come out better in the end. Waffling will get you nothing. No one is going to help. You have to do this yourself
 

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One word of advice from this Yank: once you divorce this hag, never marry another British-born woman again. Women in the UK know they have the courts on their side, so it gives them even more leeway to be slags. Women there are basically encouraged and empowered to be adulterous.

In fact never marry again. Get a vasectomy, have FWBs, but never marry again. It's not worth it for a man to marry in England, given the fvcked up laws there that weigh completely on the wife's side. Fathers and husbands have no rights whatsoever in the UK, so I think the males born or living in the UK should go on a mass marriage boycott. No weddings at all until Parliament changes the laws to be more fair towards fathers.
 

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One word of advice from this Yank: once you divorce this hag, never marry another British-born woman again. Women in the UK know they have the courts on their side, so it gives them even more leeway to be slags. Women there are basically encouraged and empowered to be adulterous.

In fact never marry again. Get a vasectomy, have FWBs, but never marry again. It's not worth it for a man to marry in England, given the fvcked up laws there that weigh completely on the wife's side. Fathers and husbands have no rights whatsoever in the UK, so I think the males born or living in the UK should go on a mass marriage boycott. No weddings at all until Parliament changes the laws to be more fair towards fathers.

Add Canada to that list as well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Thanks guys...
I've taken my kids from the house and have told her if this relationship is serious then In six months time I may let my kids meet him, but not yet.
She's changed the bed linen and the home smells fresh, shame really... I feel for the guy, if he is a keeper he'll have one hell of a "wrecking ball" he's just picked up.

My kids safety is paramount!

Yeah it cuts deep that some guy tonight will be in the home I pay half for and sleeping in my marital bed. Just wish the pain and hurt would subside.

I told her if she ignored me and had him in the house I would stop my payment, she replied by telling me I'm controlling and I would hear from her solicitor next week.

Kids thankfully were in my car and are none the wiser of what was said.

Couldn't get an emergency appointment with a solicitor today and I'm going onto nights at work tonight... don't really feel like going but I've got bills to pay.
My brain will be doing 900 miles an hour with what I know will be going on in my house...
Well filing for adultery is obviously back on the table, as long as you stay away from her.
 

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We the good news is this new guy seems to be your last straw, sometimes we need that last straw to get the closure to move on. So there is your silver lining. But you should read my story and see if it can help in any way:

I also left the home (and *gasp* I am the mother) because of my own sanity, I also keep going back for "special visits", I also paid all the bills, truthfully I was in denial. My last straw moment was when he brought an out of town visitor (an ex girlfriend) to stay in our house for week. I had no idea she was coming so I came over to the house to surprise him with some football tickets I had won and surprise there is another woman quite comfortable in my house, my side of the bed, her clothes in my dresser, her sexy lace nightgown hanging on the post of my bed. He actually said we are just sharing a bed (half naked) not having sex. So I lost it a bit (the kids were out of town at camp so they did not see me lose it) and yelled at him that unless she was gone by the end of the day I was going to ruin his life. I was only there for 10 minutes and left crying.

So why the long story?? Cause here is what I learned since that day in August:

1. If you have moved out the home and enter the house without permission your ex can call the cops (which is what my did that day after I left, even though I broke nothing, took nothing). He just wanted something on record for the courts. That house is now considered her primary residence and you can not enter it without her permission.

2. When it is time for you to pick up your children for a visit try to arrange to not see your spouse. I use daycare so I have him drop them there and then I pick them up from there.

3. Have your children visit a therapist. Not only is it good for their recovery from this situation but if they say anything that concerns the therapist about your wife and her "visitors" they are obligated to report and many will testify in court.

4. If you went to MC reconnect with the therapist. My therapist told me during our sessions that my STBX has a personality disorder, many serial cheaters do, and she is more that willing to testify to this fact.

5. Child custody and divorce are two completely different issues in court. You can deal with custody immediately. So focus on getting a set legal binding child custody agreement in place. The rest will come. Try hard to get 50% custody if you can but I know that is hard for Dads. I have given my STBX 50% custody but if I see any issues with his personality disorder and the kids I will change that, you might need to keep that in mind.

6. NEVER NEVER say no to an opportunity to see your kids, even if it is for her to go bang some guy. It can be brought up in court and makes you look horrible. Just be glad she is banging somebody else and out of your life and enjoy the kids.

7. Take advantage of her affair fog. Right now she will be more than willing to hand over the kids to you so she can "pursue her options", use it. The more time you spend with the kids, the more you get involved in their schooling and sports will all help you get custody of them. Tell her that you are more than willing to help her out and take the kids whenever she want, she will think it is a win-win for her without evening knowing what hit her.

8. And most importantly...the more calm you are, the better you look, the more happy you seem is the best revenge ever! Never lose your cool. I took up kick boxing, very therapeutic :)

I have now waited out my year living separate and apart, which yes if you moved to the guest room in your own house would count as well if you weren't still shagging her :) I didn't even bother with the Adultery route, wasn't worth it. Focus on getting a fair custody schedule for the kids right now and healing.

Hopefully this helps.
 

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Dont worry about her my friend. She can sleep with any man she wants.

Be happy she is out of your life as your wife. Just make sure she keep them out of the house you are paying for.

Speed up with the lawyer talk :)

You need to expose her. Please do it.

This is my third post about this- you dont want your wife telling bad things about you to family and friends. You dont want to hear how you are abusive father and husband. Do it for you own kids my friend.

Stay strong.


PS. About women. From my personal experience French and UK women are the worst.
They want to live this life from movies with all swinging bull$$it :)
 
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