Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 85 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok so hubby and I went through the whole jealousy thing years ago. We have gotten over it, and have said we dont care if the other goes to a strip club without each other. Around here there are no male strip clubs, so the female one is the only option. He is ok with that.
Well there is an event coming into town where there will be all male strippers and I said I would like to go with some friends. Hubby gets upset and says he is mildly ok with it. I asked him why and he said "Its not that you want to go, it where your heading that I don't like"...:scratchhead:
I inquire as to what that means. Well a while a go...years to be exact I said I have no interest in seeing male strippers shaking their junk in my face and would much rather go to a female strip club. Apparently, I can't change my mind at any point of my life. No, I still don't prefer to have a male stripper shaking his junk in my face but it sounds like it might be fun and I'd like to check it out. I mean am I wrong for seeing a variation in fairness here?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,633 Posts
Well fair is fair so your husband should have agreed neither of you would go, but the problem men have with their wife going to a strip club IMO is this. When a man goes to a strip club it's known there is no touching and if you do you will probably have some 300 pound bouncer throw you out on your butt. When women go to these clubs I think most dancers don't mind being touched and actually encourage it. I've read alot of stories of male strippers putting their *icks in women's faces and all sorts of things. This normally would not go on with women strippers. This is all my opinion though and have no facts on this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
406 Posts
Well fair is fair so your husband should have agreed neither of you would go, but the problem men have with their wife going to a strip club IMO is this. When a man goes to a strip club it's known there is no touching and if you do you will probably have some 300 pound bouncer throw you out on your butt. When women go to these clubs I think most dancers don't mind being touched and actually encourage it. I've read alot of stories of male strippers putting their *icks in women's faces and all sorts of things. This normally would not go on with women strippers. This is all my opinion though and have no facts on this.
Totally true- I've had male dancers literally rub my crotch, pull out their c0cks a few inches from my face, whisper their hotel room numbers in my ear, etc. That stuff happens all the time.

But I did used to have a lot of fun watching them!

I think what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. It's not like there aren't lap dances and private dances at female strip clubs.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
17,771 Posts
I don't think either of you should go.
The fact that you feel no jealousy means you have started to detach IMO.

I don't think it's healthy to spend your spare time with other naked people.

Too many naked people spoil the broth or some such thing. :p
Posted via Mobile Device
Had to repost this.
 
  • Like
Reactions: *LittleDeer*

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,633 Posts
Totally true- I've had male dancers literally rub my crotch, pull out their c0cks a few inches from my face, whisper their hotel room numbers in my ear, etc. That stuff happens all the time.

But I did used to have a lot of fun watching them!

I think what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. It's not like there aren't lap dances and private dances at female strip clubs.
I agree, he should not have went if he didn't want her to go but I do think more is tolerated with men dancers than women dancers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
He has gone in the past. But he hasn't gone in a long time because he says he doesn't care about spending his time there anymore. He's been quite a bit, and I haven't. And, well I might have a few more in me before I feel that way, LOL.
And yes I know that some women will go super far with a stripper and male strippers tend to throw themselves around more because..well they are men. But, I'm the type who have fun at drag shows too, I'm not sexually attracted to them or look at it that way. It's all in good fun. He is cool with things like that, but not this.
As far as the jealousy thing goes, now I feel like I've left it in the past and as far as him it all looks good on paper but when it could materialize he still harbors insecure feelings. And letting go of feelings of jealousy may mean detachment to some, but I think its immature and letting go of it in many instances can perhaps be growing up a little.
We have discussed it a little more since I posted and he does recognize that its unfair and seems to have thought it out a bit more. Would it be out of line if this situation ended in him saying no and I retract my earlier agreeing to him going?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,617 Posts
I am with little deer. Jealousy is actually quite mature and natural. Imo there is absolutely nothing wrong with being territorial when it comes to ones life partner. Now if your open, non jealous lifestyle works for you then great. Personally I have never, could never, and would never be ok with my man sitting at a strip club to watch random women shake thier tits and ass. If he wants to see tit and ass shaking he can very well enjoy it from me.

Now you say he has gone to strip clubs in the past? Was this before he was with you or while he was with you?
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,945 Posts
Ok so hubby and I went through the whole jealousy thing years ago. We have gotten over it, and have said we dont care if the other goes to a strip club without each other. Around here there are no male strip clubs, so the female one is the only option. He is ok with that.
Well there is an event coming into town where there will be all male strippers and I said I would like to go with some friends. Hubby gets upset and says he is mildly ok with it. I asked him why and he said "Its not that you want to go, it where your heading that I don't like"...:scratchhead:
I inquire as to what that means. Well a while a go...years to be exact I said I have no interest in seeing male strippers shaking their junk in my face and would much rather go to a female strip club. Apparently, I can't change my mind at any point of my life. No, I still don't prefer to have a male stripper shaking his junk in my face but it sounds like it might be fun and I'd like to check it out. I mean am I wrong for seeing a variation in fairness here?
Mildly ok is still ok.

If there were/are jealousy issues in your marriage, then why go to a strip club? Are you sure you are not trying to "even the score" or do you really want to go when you yourself has said here & to your husband in the past that you had no interest?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
I don't think either of you should go.
The fact that you feel no jealousy means you have started to detach IMO.

I don't think it's healthy to spend your spare time with other naked people.

Too many naked people spoil the broth or some such thing. :p
Posted via Mobile Device
really? i don't agree with that at all. this isn't the 1930's go out have fun and appreciate the art of a naked person lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
286 Posts
My SO and I went to a female strip club together just the other night. It was his first time ever. I made sure boobs got rubbed in his face, I even convinced one to sort of straddle him, with her ankles on his shoulders and ho-hum near his face, but not in it.

He looked adorable I think. He confessed it really did nothing for him, has not expressed interest in going again (I said, "let's go again!") and he doesn't care for it.

However, he did say he'd like to get me a pole to dance on for him, and much prefers my boobs in his face. lol

Anyhow, I think it's a matter of preference between couples. I know he wouldn't be comfortable with a male stripper in my face. He would respect it if I felt the same about a woman on him, but I think it's fun. I got a lap dance too, it's just good fun.

So, I would never let a man swing his junk in my face. Although I like seeing a woman swing hers in my mans face. Maybe I am strange or in the minority. But as long as I am there, I'm good. I don't think I would like it if I weren't there though. . .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Just if he is going to take it off the table then so am I. I have no problem not going if its agreed that neither will go. But there just cant be a double standard.
I don't care if my husband goes to the strip club, but lord knows he is too cheap for lap dances. But we did agree that private dances were off limits. We have attended many strip clubs as a couple though. And when he was at the strip clubs, yes we were together.
I don't agree that strip clubs are cheating at all. As cheating to me is deception and what is deceptive about going somewhere that your SO is ok with? If my man is tempted to cheat with some raunchy strippers and I have to worry about that then obviously this is not worth it. And it would be a cold day in hell if I let a male stripper ruin my marriage. I don't see a possibility in that at all. Its not a sexual arousal thing, it just seems like it would be fun. Its a one night event, not something I could even attend regularly if I wanted to.
I'm sorry I just see jealousy about certain things as an insecurity and I think insecurity is due in part to immaturity. Yes, we are all human and get jealous but also as adults we are exposed to boobs, and private areas on a regular, whether it be TV or porn or whatever. Its just a little dumb to me to be jealous as if I haven't seen a penis before, or he hasn't seen a pair before. Like as soon as I see one, I'm going to fall to my knees or faint. I know a lot of couples aren't comfortable in that area though.
Well anyway, I'm going and he is ok with it. I think it was just the surprise of me showing interest after I said it wasn't something I would do during our last conversation about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Mildly ok is still ok.

If there were/are jealousy issues in your marriage, then why go to a strip club? Are you sure you are not trying to "even the score" or do you really want to go when you yourself has said here & to your husband in the past that you had no interest?
No, I really want to go just for the experience. It was a while ago that I said I had no interest. I also said I'd never eat artichokes or have another baby either;) But it has nothing to do with a score or anything.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
208 Posts
First time posting in this section.

Someone mentioned equity. Should equity be a goal to strive for when it lowers oneself? Is that really an "experience" you want to put into your ledger? Would your life be incomplete without it? Would you disappoint your children if you didn't go?

There is so much talk about boundries on this site. Nothing wrong with setting mutual boundries whereby neither of you opens the door to anything that might be inappropriate in a healthy marriage.

If you do go, don't drink to excess. Watch your drink at all times and do not allow anyone to photograph you. Not the event organizers or your girlfriends with their I-phones. Too many "innocent" situations can be easily misinterpreted by your husband if he were to see your actions or reactions although it's hard to imagine an innocent situation at a strip club.

As a final thought, if you have to come on here to validate your going maybe its not a good, right or smart thing to do.

Good luck,

Seasalt
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,453 Posts
Well fair is fair so your husband should have agreed neither of you would go, but the problem men have with their wife going to a strip club IMO is this. When a man goes to a strip club it's known there is no touching and if you do you will probably have some 300 pound bouncer throw you out on your butt. When women go to these clubs I think most dancers don't mind being touched and actually encourage it. I've read alot of stories of male strippers putting their *icks in women's faces and all sorts of things. This normally would not go on with women strippers. This is all my opinion though and have no facts on this.
Frankly, I don't believe that strip clubs are places that married people should be frequenting, period.

Regarding the above, though, we recently had a poster tell us how guilty he felt after ejaculating during a lap dance at a strip club, so I don't believe that male strip clubs are any more innocent than female strip clubs.
 
1 - 20 of 85 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top