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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I have been married a year and a half now. Our marriage started off rough when only 2 months after we said "I do" he left for Afghanistan. While he was deployed, I went back to school to keep myself busy. We had many issues while he was gone, but mostly because he would start fights over nothing. However, knowing his situation and the amount of stress he was under over there, I ignored it and just worked these "problems" out with him. When he returned home, a month early, I was still in school for that month so I could only see him on weekends. The first weekend I was visiting, I found a folder on his computer with my name on it. Curious, I clicked on it to find a massive folder of naked girls that he had Skyped with and recorded while he was overseas. I confronted him about this and it only made him angry, and he kept telling me all the husbands do it while they're over there. I, again, addressed that I understood what he was going through over there and I forgave him. (Strike 1)

A month later, I finished school and moved back in with him. Again, while using his computer, a hookup website popped up when I opened the Internet browser. His username and password were saved in the boxes so I clicked sign in to see what it was all about. To my dismay, he had been sending nudes of himself and asking for nudes of other women. He was having sexual conversations with these women and trying to meet up with random women. This had been going on for weeks and the very last messages ever sent were while I was on my way up here with all of my things. He even created a Kik account on his phone to keep in contact with some of these women. I confronted him again and he blamed it all on me. He said I mistreated him, didn't show him enough attention and affection, and I didn't appreciate him. So he felt the need to seek attention from girls/women who "cared" about him enough to give it to him. (Strike 2)

About 2 weeks ago, a girl (17-years old) started messaging him on Facebook. I found out through him that it was an old fling from his hometown that he never met up with because she was "scared to meet him because he was cute" at that point. (If that's not a child's response, I don't know what is). They exchanged a few messages about the past one day and that was that. Until a few days later she decided to send him her number. I didn't think twice about him actually taking it down and using it until I saw her number multiple times on the phone bill. Since she has come into the picture he doesn't text me like he used to, doesn't tell me he misses me or loves me like he used to, he doesn't call me "just because" while he's at work anymore. When I call him, he always rushes me off the phone. He rarely comes near me, never wants to snuggles (his favorite thing), we haven't had sex, and he barely even kisses me. Our line of communication has practically been shut off. He leaves early for work and stays at work late so he can call her. He ignores my phone calls to answer hers and will rush me off the phone to call/accept her calls. He constantly deletes his text messages, never leaves his phone unattended, and has since put a passcode lock on his phone. When he started talking to her, I never suspected that he would cheat. I've always trusted him to have female friends and talk to other girls because in all fairness I am his wife and I am wearing the ring. And if I don't have confidence in that knowledge, then he can walk all over me. The thing that bothers me is he would rather spend his time talking to, flirting with, and pursuing this other girl than talking to and spending time with me and working on our marriage. When I've confronted him about her, I've done so very nicely. I've just told him how I feel about the situation and asked if he could limit the amount of time he spends talking to her and just not spend the time we have together once he's off work doing so. He also get very angry with me and starts calling me stupid, immature, unappreciative, childish, insecure, etc. My biggest concern with this is that he's going to his hometown in 2 weeks and I am not going with him. If he's spending all of this time talking to her, I can only imagine he'll be making plans to meet up with her while he's there.

Could this be strike 3?

Can I get a male's perspective on what's going on here?

Maybe a male/female who's gone through something similar?

I'm losing my mind over this and I really just need some advice/guidance.

Thanks!
 

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If you want to save it, you better nip it in the bud now.

Full disclosure, open his phone, full truth, open his facebook right in front of you and all email accounts. Cancel the trip home, or you go with him. If he fails to comply, divorce him, he wants you and other women. (I have a feeling he will not comply, he is already blaming you.)

Tell him he has 5 minutes to think about this. Tell him to put his phone on the table and sit there and think. At the end he needs to make a decision whether he will fully disclose and be your husband again instead of chasing skirts. Be careful of false promises. His actions will speak louder than his words.

If he fails to do any of your demands, call your lawyer, your marriage is dead. And, after 1.5 years he is pulling this sh!t, guess what will be happening after 10 years? But, by then you will have built a life together, have assets to split and kids as well.

Get out while you can.
 

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Time to divorce him. This is not normal husband behavior.

OK, I can allow some slack for a soldier in a war zone or on a long remote assignment. Some porn, going to a strip club with the buddies. Yeah we men like to look and we enjoy seeing naked female body parts.

But he crossed the line many many times by skyping and exchanging nude photos and having sexual conversations. These are cheating!

If I were you I'd cut my losses now and just get divorced before you have children or other major complications.

Get a full STD panel and stop having sex with him. You are at risk.
 

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There is enough handwriting on the wall with him that makes me comfortable in suggesting that you shouldn't invest any more time with him. Find yourself a man who wants to be with you and not be with someone on the other end of a computer monitor.

This guy really needs to grow up.
 

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Yes you should throw him out. Yes yes yes yes. He is cheating on you and planning to meet up with this 17 year old (is that even legal??)

You cannot nice your way out of this.

Please read my story - my husband was cybercheating and I threw his ass out. If he'd been planning to meet up with someone and followed through we would NOT be together today.
 

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Should have thrown him out at strike 1, but sometimes you give someone you love another chance.

But strike 2 should have been the nail in the coffin.

Never give a cheater a 3rd chance ever.
 

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He's indulging in some very destructive behavior - both to him, you and your marriage. How old is he? This conduct with the 17 yo can cost him his job/career in the military.

Why aren't you going with him?

If he's not remorseful and wanting to work on fixing things, there isn't much you can do unfortunately.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
He's indulging in some very destructive behavior - both to him, you and your marriage. How old is he? This conduct with the 17 yo can cost him his job/career in the military.

Why aren't you going with him?

If he's not remorseful and wanting to work on fixing things, there isn't much you can do unfortunately.
He's 22. And I agree 100%. He's going to work in the White House in a few months and this is how he is conducting himself.
 

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I'm really sorry you're here.

I am trying to understand this. So, he's going 'home' to spend the holidays with his 'family' but you are not.

I have to be honest, it sounds as if only one of you is married.

In light of the current situation, I would say the trip should be cancelled.
 
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Your H is very young and immature and is about to tank his budding career by hooking up with an underage girl.

You should tell him exactly that. No drama. Simple fact. See how he reacts to the neutral observation of anyone with firing neurons.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Well guys, he came home from work today and told me this girl has made him realize he wants a divorce. He says he's not attracted to me and I don't deserve him. He said he only married me so he could get out of the barracks, make the extra money he thinks he deserved, and not be alone during deployment. Which I'm pretty sure a false marriage to the Army is a big no no!
 

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What a creep.

You should definitely report him to his command. Don't be afraid. I'm sure they'd like to know that one of their own that is headed for duty in The White House is fooling around in statutory rape territory.

Really. Do it.
 

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Tell him he can't divorce you because YOU are divorcing HIM.

What a complete and utter jerk.

Report him to his command.
 

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What a creep.

You should definitely report him to his command. Don't be afraid. I'm sure they'd like to know that one of their own that is headed for duty in The White House is fooling around in statutory rape territory.

Really. Do it.
:iagree:

Lets' see...your H saves all these pics, etc on his puter w/ your name on the folder, supposedly knowing you have access. Leaves his passwords available to you for his hookup sites. He either wants you to find all this info, or he is an idiot.

BTW - he's def cheating on you w/ the 17 yo, and only God knows who else. I speak w/ some bit of authority here, being a very accomplished cheater myself.

You've got some choices to make.
 
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It's not strike 3, the game was over and the fans left the stadium a long time ago.

As for the second part of your question, you can't legally throw him out but you could try asking him to leave.

He doesn't want to be with you anyway so maybe he'll go quietly.
 

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Well guys, he came home from work today and told me this girl has made him realize he wants a divorce. He says he's not attracted to me and I don't deserve him. He said he only married me so he could get out of the barracks, make the extra money he thinks he deserved, and not be alone during deployment. Which I'm pretty sure a false marriage to the Army is a big no no!
As painful as this is, he did you a favor here. So RUN. I agree that you should report his conduct as well!
 
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