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I would have offered a glass of water. Then called 911 and had her committed to the psych ward. Then called a lawyer for emergency full custody of the kids.
Does involuntary commitment still happen? I thought all of the state psych hospitals closed decades ago and if a person threatened suicide there was nothing to be done except call the police. And the police aren't equipped to deal with these threats. A lot of mentally ill people are just wandering the streets with nowhere else to go.
 

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I found this on the web.

To secure treatment during or following a psychiatric crisis, it is essential to know the civil commitment laws and standards that determine eligibility for intervention where the individual in crisis lives.

Three forms of involuntary treatment are authorized by civil commitment laws in 46 states and the District of Columbia. Two forms are available in Connecticut, Maryland, Massachusetts and Tennessee, where court-ordered outpatient treatment has not yet been adopted.

Emergency hospitalization for evaluation is a crisis response in which a patient is admitted to a treatment facility for psychiatric evaluation, typically for a short period of fixed time (e.g., 72 hours). "Psychiatric hold" or "pick-up" and other terms may be used to describe the process.
Inpatient civil commitment is a process in which a judge orders hospital treatment for a person who continues to meet the state’s civil commitment criteria after the emergency evaluation period. Inpatient commitment is practiced in all states, but the standards that qualify an individual for it vary from state to state. “Involuntary hospitalization” or another term may be used to describe the practice.
Outpatient civil commitment or “assisted outpatient treatment (AOT)“ is a treatment option in which a judge orders a qualifying person with symptoms of mental illness to adhere to a mental health treatment plan while living in the community. AOT laws have been passed in 46 states, but the standards for its use vary from state to state. “Outpatient commitment,” “involuntary outpatient commitment,” “mandated outpatient treatment” and other terms may be used to describe the practice.
 

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@MiddleAgedFool - The tattoos are, right now, everything. Nothing to be discussed until the physical evidence is GONE. Further it’s a REALLY bad sign that she didn’t already start on that process without you asking. REALLY bad. It’s a demonstration of how little regard she has for you.

Period.
Right?

Imagine attempting reconciliation with a WW that allowed her lover to essentially brand her.

Ugh.
 

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Quick, get yourself a VAR (voice activated recorder). You can get a good one at Best Buy or Walmart. Get a recording of her admitting to the affair.
You will then have a way to record her when she threatens suicide and when she eventually tries to have you charged with domestic violence.

She is now desperate to stay now that her "love" has abandoned her. Don't forget that she was "in love" with another man and planned to leave you for him. All the unicorns and rainbows disappeared and she is back to her Plan B.....you. She is settling for you since she cannot have what she truly wants. She is now smoke and mirrors. Statements she is making to you now are only to get you to allow her back into a marriage she destroyed by her actions. Remember to believe the her actions and never to believe her words.

Action-Left the kids with you to go to POS house multiple times.
Action-Had sex at least twice with POS.
Action-Left you (and the kids) for a life with POS.
Words-POS turns her down and suddenly she loves you, wants only you, it was all a mistake, she didn't really mean any of the things she told you before.

Staying married for the sake of kids hardly ever works out for long. You will be miserable, she will be miserable, and eventually the kids will be infected by the attitude in the house. Not good.
 

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im trying to get by, she's love bombing me and saying how she f'ed up and she will never do it again, I tell her I cant be with her and she threatens suicide by taking pills.... Everything is in shambles. And my problem is Ive always been a "fixer" and I cant fix anything, everything is broken and I cant do anything about it.....I feel hopeless like it doesn't matter which way I go, I STILL LOSE !
Take her a glass of water and tell her, "Here! So you dont choke on them" and call 911 and report her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #248 ·
Thanks for all the replies and different point of views, Im still really struggling with everything, My head tells me that she tried to replace me and broke every promise she made that day in the church. Im her plan B and why would i ever settle to be that. My heart tells me to keep the family together and be the glue and swallow my pride. I came from a divorced family and it was very hard on me and all i ever wanted was to have my dad around everyday, he only had every other weekend and it affected me. My heart just aches everyday, the sight of her goes from love, hate, love, hate hundreds of times a day. I have never been so confused in my life......i feel like all she wants to do is rug-sweep and act like nothing ever happed.

Then i read all your comments, yes the tattoos are a problem, he branded her, he made his mark on her inside and out. She killed Us !
 

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Thanks for all the replies and different point of views, Im still really struggling with everything, My head tells me that she tried to replace me and broke every promise she made that day in the church. Im her plan B and why would i ever settle to be that. My heart tells me to keep the family together and be the glue and swallow my pride. I came from a divorced family and it was very hard on me and all i ever wanted was to have my dad around everyday, he only had every other weekend and it affected me. My heart just aches everyday, the sight of her goes from love, hate, love, hate hundreds of times a day. I have never been so confused in my life......i feel like all she wants to do is rug-sweep and act like nothing ever happed.

Then i read all your comments, yes the tattoos are a problem, he branded her, he made his mark on her inside and out. She killed Us !
I really feel for you. I've thought about your story several times over the past week. The tattoo aspect of this is just so over the top.

I can sympathize with not wanting to break up the family, but remember, that isn't on you. She already destroyed the family. You would only be holding together a lie, for what? The level of disrespect is beyond the pale. I mean she even excitedly told you about the man she was sleeping with. She had every intention of kicking you to the curb and going with this guy. That only changed because he decided to stay with his wife. She has to feel great knowing she is less valuable to him than the medical insurance his wife provides. Don't feel sorry for her in any way. She has proven that she is not a safe partner.
 

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It is difficult to deal with something like this. But think of this: If you had to redo your relationship with your W now, knowing what kind of person she has turned out to be, would you still be interested, or not give her the time of day? You can start over as a new man who no longer takes BS, confident that you didn't tolerate this. And "staying together for the kids" = showing them the example of an evil mother and a betrayed father who justifiably hates her for what she did.
 

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@MiddleAgedFool - you cant keep the family together - she is buying her time to replace with someone else. you are a plan and always a plan B. and the reason you are a Plan B because you cant man up and say No.
again, she will replace you with someone else after she paves her way out.
stop caring about her, she doesnt care about you -
your dignity and children's dignity are above all - this is a lesson you will teach your children to not tolerate cheaters.
 

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Thanks for all the replies and different point of views, Im still really struggling with everything, My head tells me that she tried to replace me and broke every promise she made that day in the church. Im her plan B and why would i ever settle to be that. My heart tells me to keep the family together and be the glue and swallow my pride. I came from a divorced family and it was very hard on me and all i ever wanted was to have my dad around everyday, he only had every other weekend and it affected me. My heart just aches everyday, the sight of her goes from love, hate, love, hate hundreds of times a day. I have never been so confused in my life......i feel like all she wants to do is rug-sweep and act like nothing ever happed.

Then i read all your comments, yes the tattoos are a problem, he branded her, he made his mark on her inside and out. She killed Us !
Are you sure she hasnt given you an STD as a parting gift? Are you sure she isnt pregnant by tattoo? Are you sure she isnt still getting poled by him?

Still a lot you dont know. Get a VAR btw so you dont get victimized by a DV charge
 

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Not sure if you’re consistently reading here but if you are, i urge you to be simple and honest in your replies to her. Something like…

“You’ve broken all trust. This will take years to repair. I am not sure you have it in you to do what it will take. I need actions not words.

Start by researching what it takes to rebuild after an affair and work on presenting me the first draft of a written plan by next weekend.

I won’t do it for you, but I will give you a couple of hints. If your plan doesn’t include these things then you might as well not even present it at all:

  1. How you plan on being no contact with the piece of **** you cheated with
  2. Complete transparency of all your electronics. I read everything and you delete nothing
  3. You have every tattoo he gave you removed. By someone other than him of course I will be there when it happens.
  4. You write down a complete timeline of your affair. What you said. What you did physically (who did what to whom). What you thought about. What you felt. How you thought about me. Each interaction.

That’s just a start. I can think of 25more things you need to do. But you need to figure out what some of those things are and present them to me.

Lastly, and this is the most important. If you still have this man in your heart, then there is no us. So figure out if you still have feelings for this man, and if you do, if you can’t see him as anyone other than the broken person who helped you destroy your family, then you might as well go be with him. I will not share your heart with any man. I need to be my partners one and only. If that’s not the case then there is no rebuilding, and no future for us.

I look forward to hearing from you with what I asked for above. Until I see that from you and you have done much of the work to fix yourself and rebuild, I will be continuing on a path to rid you and your infidelity from my life.”


That’s it my friend. Honestly state what you need to consider rebuilding and don’t stop moving away from you until you see and feel her doing it.

Please keep posting. We can only help when you interact with us.
I gave you the above words last week. Hopefully you are saying something to that effect with her.

Truth is, you are right. She has broken her vows and destroyed your marriage. You can’t put the pieces back together and expect it to be just like after you married.

But if she is doing real work over the next several years, you can find each other again and build something new and worthwhile.

But you cannot make her do that work. All you can do is tell her until you hear, see and feel her actually doing the work to prove to you that you are her one and only and that she sees her AP as a piece of **** who helped her destroy everything she had, then you have no choice but to move on without her. And that starts with talking to a lawyer and starting the divorce process.

You can wish all you want, but the cold reality is that the person she is right now is not worthy of being called your wife.

I would tell her things like I wrote above, but stress to her that the process of rebuilding ONLY STARTS the DAY AFTER she has removed EVERY TATOO he put on her skin. Until that happens you will not discuss the possibility of reconciling. (And obviously she goes to someone else with you to remove them, NOT THE AP!).

You don’t deserve a life where you have to look at what the AP actually branded her with.

Good luck.
 

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I gave you the above words last week. Hopefully you are saying something to that effect with her.

Truth is, you are right. She has broken her vows and destroyed your marriage. You can’t put the pieces back together and expect it to be just like after you married.

But if she is doing real work over the next several years, you can find each other again and build something new and worthwhile.

But you cannot make her do that work. All you can do is tell her until you hear, see and feel her actually doing the work to prove to you that you are her one and only and that she sees her AP as a piece of **** who helped her destroy everything she had, then you have no choice but to move on without her. And that starts with talking to a lawyer and starting the divorce process.

You can wish all you want, but the cold reality is that the person she is right now is not worthy of being called your wife.

I would tell her things like I wrote above, but stress to her that the process of rebuilding ONLY STARTS the DAY AFTER she has removed EVERY TATOO he put on her skin. Until that happens you will not discuss the possibility of reconciling. (And obviously she goes to someone else with you to remove them, NOT THE AP!).

You don’t deserve a life where you have to look at what the AP actually branded her with.

Good luck.
I would be extremely surprised if someone as unstable as OP's wayward did ANY of this. And even if she did 100% of it, it would take years to get back to where they were before she, her sister, and mom started visiting tattoo. As an aside, tattoo must be one fine specimen of a male to keep a wife who knows he cheats, while supporting his non-job. AND at least three women as side pieces. He must have the endowment and stamina of four "normal" males.

So, he can spend years living through the h3ll of wondering who else she is doing besides tattoo. Because IMO she will be doing tattoo for the rest of her days anytime or place tattoo will hold still long enough. Or cut his losses, write this one off as a bad experience, and get on with his life. Put wayward in the rearview mirror. Maybe am wrong, but surely there are plenty of women in his country who aren't lowlifes like this wayward.
 

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Thanks for all the replies and different point of views, Im still really struggling with everything, My head tells me that she tried to replace me and broke every promise she made that day in the church. Im her plan B and why would i ever settle to be that. My heart tells me to keep the family together and be the glue and swallow my pride. I came from a divorced family and it was very hard on me and all i ever wanted was to have my dad around everyday, he only had every other weekend and it affected me. My heart just aches everyday, the sight of her goes from love, hate, love, hate hundreds of times a day. I have never been so confused in my life......i feel like all she wants to do is rug-sweep and act like nothing ever happed.

Then i read all your comments, yes the tattoos are a problem, he branded her, he made his mark on her inside and out. She killed Us !
I'm from a divorced family, and I am a divorced father of 2. You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing. It's your choice obviously, but I would much rather divorce and find someone who truly loved me and my children. And that's exactly what I did. Has it been all roses? No of course not, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror and respect the person I see. Your kids will pick up on this as well. If you rug sweep and swallow your pride you are in for a long and painful road with someone who does not love you, and will most likely be looking for someone who she thinks is better than you. And what happens in a year or two when she finds Mr. Wonderful #2?

Get your balls back man. Take control of this situation - don't let your wife dictate the script. She is the one who drilled your marriage - not you. And you can get 50/50 custody - you know that right? 1 week with you and one week with your STBX. Or maybe it's you who can get full custody, and she can be a weekend mom. Sounds like you're more stable for the kids anyway. I would talk to a lawyer and file. You can always decide to not go through with it, but at this point your wife needs to know you are serious. Me personally, I would be so done.
 

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Make sure you make the distinction between a divorced family and an unhappy one. Divorced doesn't necessarily mean unhappy. It just means the family doesn't not sleep under the same roof. Conversely, being under the same roof does not in ANY WAY guarantee or even ensure a happy family.

A happy family is created from the parents being happy and loving their lives. It starts and stops there in my opinion. If a happy coexistence is attained, kids will be happy. If parents are unhappy under the same roof, kids will follow suit. I work with kids and see this all the time.

If you are happily divorced and can facilitate a unified parenting relationship, you and your children can live a happy and healthy life. Divorce is frequently associated with a family's destruction, but the construct of adults living civilly and respectfully can lead to success and happiness.

Please rethink your view of divorce. I'm not saying to divorce. Just think of the possibilities, as opposed to the impossibilities.
 
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